I press a hand on his mouth then.
And with shivery breaths, I go to his ear and finally whisper, “You won’t need a condom, Reign. Because I’m on the pill.”
He jerks.
A big, shuddering movement. That I feel in my bones.
As if a bomb went off.
And I realize that maybe it did.
Maybe that’s why everything gets so silent.
So far we’ve been breathing and panting, whimpering and moaning. But now, we don’t make a sound. Now he stares at me, his face and eyes sharp, his lips barely moving when he goes, “You are.”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“About t-two weeks ago.”
He doesn’t have to think back to calculate what it means. He already knows. “The night of the fight.”
I nod and his hand goes up to my neck. The back of it where he grips me tightly, squeezing it.
My heart skips a beat at his predatory action, possessive action. “I went to the sick room, t-the clinic at the school and saw the doctor the next day. She wrote me a prescription.”
“So you lied.”
“Last night.”
“Why, because you didn’t trust me to wear a condom?”
“I trusted you,” I tell him truthfully.
“So then why?”
Yeah, why.
Because I wanted to keep a distance from him. Because yesterday I thought that I was his but only for one night. And so even though I went to the clinic to get on the pill —for himby the way; I went right after the night of the fight, right after he confessed his crush on me and told me that he wanted to fuck me bareback so yeah, it was for him — I still kept it a secret.
To keep it all business.
Gosh, I’m an idiot, aren’t I?
I’ve been an idiot for six years now.
For not recognizing the truth.
For not seeing who he is to me.
“Because I didn’t know that I was yours.”
His face hardens. “And why are you telling me now?”
I comb my fingers through his spiky hair. I trace them over his peaked and bruised features, his summer skin marked by fading bruises. I bury them in his stubble and whisper, “Because I know now. I know that I’m yours. I’myourgood little servant girl. Because I should’ve been yours since the beginning. Because you don’t have to watch, not anymore. You can play. Only you get to play with me now. You get to make all your dreams come true. All six years’ worth of lovely dreams and wonderful fantasies.”
Still, the silence dominates for a few moments.