Followed bythesememories:
I thought Lucas was nice to me that night becausehewas mean to me.
I kissed Lucas because I wanted to prove something tohim.
I said yes to a date with Lucas because I knew thathewouldn’t like it.
Iknewthat.
I wrote it in my diary even.
In my fucking diary.
That he read. And he could tell. From only three lines, he could tell that I had a crush on him.
Imagine if he read all of them. Imagine ifIread all of them.
All of my diaries.
Six years’ worth.
Six fucking years’ worth of pages. And every single one is full of him.
Every single pageis how he makes me feel.
How much I hate him. How sick he makes me.
I could name them my Hatesick Diaries.
Oh God.
Oh God.
Oh myGod.
And then, again in flashes, my own written words come to me.
Every time he’d do something to hurt me, I’d write about how I sought comfort in Lucas. Every time he made me cry with his insults, I’d write about how Lucas is the best boyfriend ever for wiping my tears off. Every time he’d stare at me with his cold eyes, I’d write about how thankful I was that Lucas has kind eyes so he can make me forget his reddish-brown ones.
Not to mention, my own parents like Lucas because of how much they hated Reign. How they’d always compare the two and tell me how lucky I was that someone like Lucas was my boyfriend and not Reign.
And now,in this moment,I’m going back to Lucas because of him.
I’m going back because I want to give Reign his best friend back.
That’s what I wrote in my diary last night. Iremembernow.
And the fact that he thinks that Lucas is the right choice for me. He said that, didn’t he?
He said that that was where I belonged. With Lucas.
In fact he’s not only said it, he’s showed it to me.
And I wrote all of that.
I listed all the things he’s done, all the ways he’s pushed me toward Lucas since the very first night we’d met.
If you love him, then why wasn’t it on your list of things…