In the same place that I was two years ago.
I’m still stuck on the night I turned sixteen.
So it’s only fair that tonight, in an attempt to move on, I wear the dress I wore that night.
A pink summer dress with a sweetheart neckline and ribbony strips that I’ve tied on my shoulders in a butterfly knot. I also do my hair the same way, in a loose braid, and tie that with a pink hair tie. I do my nails, also pink, and wear pink sandals.
The only thing I change from that night is putting on pink lipstick, since I wasn’t into makeup and all back then.
Lastly, I tell my parents that I’m going to my friend Jupiter’s house for a sleepover. Since they don’t like any of my St. Mary’s friends, they aren’t very happy about it. They didn’t even like me going to the carnival. But since we’re coming off of me finally graduating, they’re at least allowing me to see my friends.
But of course, I’m not going to her house.
Well, not right away at least.
And I do feel bad about lying to them but I have to do this.
I have to go to the place first where I’ll get to move on. And that’s where Jupiter takes me when she comes to pick me up at my house.
“You sure you wanna do this?” she asks me as I get ready to get out of her car.
The interior of the car is dark but I can still make out the concern on her face. “Yes, I’m sure.”
“I feel like this has disaster written all over it.”
“Yeah,” I agree with her. “But this is the only way.”
“Is it though?” She frowns. “Because you don’t have to do anything. You could just… forget about it.”
“I could,” I agree again, clutching my overnight bag. “But clearly I have a very good memory. And if I try to forget about it again, I might end up doing something even more disastrous than what I did last time.”
She grimaces. “Okay. Call me when you’re done.”
My heart skips a beat at ‘done.’
Which is crazy because that’s all I’ve thought about.
Beingdone.
Getting it over with.
Moving on.
“Yeah, I will,” I say, smiling slightly. “Thanks.”
I’m ready to get out again when she blurts out, “I feel like as your best friend, I should give you some pointers.”
I shoot her a look. “You can’t.”
“I could try. I could —”
“Have you done it before?”
She purses her lips. “No.” I raise my eyebrows at her and she grumbles, “But I’ve seen it before. I’ve read about it. I know the theory of it.”
“So do I. But unfortunately, this isn’t a group discussion. We won’t be talking about it. We’d be doing it.”
Another shiver runs down the length of my body at ‘doing it.’