“But now they're back?” I ask.
She nods.
“Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to get some more help. Obviously, it’s still affecting you.”
“Obvious, is it?” This time her laugh is on the bitter side. “I don’t need to see someone to know exactly why they are coming back. It’s my body’s way of telling me to get the fuck out of here. It couldn’t be clearer.”
“Because you’re scared?”
She just stares blankly, then says with sarcasm dripping from her voice, “obviously.”
“Lilly, I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
And I lost her, I know this because of a heavy sigh and a dramatic eye-roll.
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before, same words my brother used to say to me. Before he got locked up, anyway.”
“I’m sure it tears your brother up, too.”
Her eyes narrow, eyeing me suspiciously. “What do you know about my brother?”
“Actually…” I need to tread carefully; our peaceful talk can erupt at any minute if our past is any indication. “We shared a cell for a couple of days, about seven years ago.”
Her eyes widen, clearly shocked by the news. “Really?’
I nod and sit straighter on the stool. “I was doing a couple of years for aggravated assault.”
Two years of my life down the drain. The last time I was outside on my mother’s birthday before Lilly. Before the first night, she sated the anger. I beat a poor son of a bitch to a pulp. Did he deserve it? Yes. Or maybe not. But rage made me blind.
“Your brother was put in my cell, waiting for transfer to Goulburn Supermax.”
She nods, waiting, still listening, but watches me with caution in her eyes.
“He came back from a visit, throwing shit around, pissed. Causing trouble on the outside, bringing it to my door. But he was fired up, screaming about being stuck there and leaving his sister unprotected by his father. Didn’t understand what that meant… till now.”
This doesn’t comfort her, her frown just deepens, shaking her head. “Well, he made his choice. He could have changed it, but didn’t.”
“Don’t think anyone chooses to get locked up, Lilly?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she snaps back, and I can see the fire brimming in her eyes.
“Tell me then.”
“He didn’t kill him. My uncle. He’s inside for a crime he didn’t even commit.”
I take a deep breath and try and find the right words. Everyone wants to believe the best of their family. Lilly doesn’t want to believe her brother is capable of murder. If he’s born into this life, he most certainly is.
“How do you know that?” I ask.
Her lips tighten into a thin line as she lowers her eyes, looking away. She wants to say something but is holding back.
“Tsk, fuck it.” She shakes her head and whatever she was deliberating seems to be resolved. “Because I was there.”
And once again I’m floored by her words. My body tenses and I feel the anger starting to simmer again. But I keep it in check, wanting to hear more. Needing to understand all of her.
“You saw it?” And I’m thankful my voice didn’t come out as a growl.
She nods, shrugging like it’s nothing. “I was with my brother, dad and uncle. They were taking me to a sweet sixteenth party before they went off to do their work. I remember the house had been tense, hearing talks of someone talking to the cops. Dad had a phone call in the car, said a few words, and hung up. Not that unusual. A minute later, he pulled over, needing to talk to my uncle. That wasn’t unusual either. But I was pissed, not wanting to be late. So, I was giving him my best, I hate you face watching him through the window. But it happened quick. He pulled out the gun and shot him. His own brother.”