I force down the dry ball in my throat.
No secrets.
“Rose was the reason Brett was out, walking on that stretch of road. He was out looking for her. She had a fight with her boyfriend and had stormed off. Brett went after her. He wasn’t supposed to be there when that guy sped past and lost control. He wasn’t supposed to get hit. No one blames Rose. Brett tells her all the time that it’s not her fault. No one has, for even a second, thought it was her fault.Except her.She’s trapped herself in this cage of blame and self-hatred. If you’d known her before, then you wouldn’t even recognize her as the same person now. She was fun, and feisty, and full of passion. What happened to Brett changed her. And then Dad died, and she blamed herself for that too. I don’t even recognize my own sister anymore.”
“I’m so sorry, Harley.”
The pain in her eyes is more than I can bear. I feel it like it’s my own. And what’s more, I feel helpless. Fucking helpless that she’s hurting. She’s been carrying this around with her all this time and I had no idea.
What kind of self-absorbed prick am I?
“It is what it is. I hope in time she’ll realize what we’ve all been telling her all along, that none of it is her fault. But until then, I have to believe that a miracle will happen. Something or someone will help her, make her listen, because we’ve tried so hard, and we’ve failed.” Harley’s voice cracks and I pull her into my side and hold her close as we walk back to her mom’s house.
The five of us have dinner together that night. Rose is quiet, but the conversation flows easily with Brett and Della steering it. They switch between filling Harley in on the neighborhood updates and asking me multiple questions about the role of mayor and what it entails. Della makes me laugh when she voices her opinions of the president and how she thinks he and his ‘ugly combover’ should do us all a favor and lose themselves in the next gust of wind. I squeeze Harley’s thigh under the table at the mention of him, and she smiles at me, her eyes sparkling. That was our first night together. A night permanently seared into my memory, and from the way she looks at me, I know it’s in hers, too.
We help tidy up and then say good night, heading into the guesthouse.
“Harls?”
I walk up behind her while she’s standing at the bathroom sink in her tiny lace nightie. I swear for someone who feels the cold at night, she doesn’t own any useful pajamas. Except those ugly caticorn ones, which I’ve grown fonder of, for obvious reasons. Still, I guess whatever she wears doesn’t usually stay on long once I get my hands on her. And she always says I’m like a furnace and keep her warm at night.
The thought spreads a calm stillness through my body.
She looks at me in the mirror’s reflection, her clear blue eyes hooded as I sweep her hair to the side and press a kiss to her skin where her neck meets her shoulder.
“I’m sorry about last night.” I keep my eyes fixed on hers as I kiss her again. Her lips part and her nipples pebble into peaks through her nightie as she drops her hips back so her ass cheeks hug either side of my hardening cock. “I wouldneverhurt you.”
“I know, it’s okay,” she says, easily. Too easily. She’s so ready to trust me when I haven’t been completely honest with her. I don’t deserve her pure, sweet heart. Her understanding, her forgiveness.
“It. Is. Not. Okay.” The harshness in my tone makes her eyes snap fully open, and I kiss her again, on her neck this time, placing my lips over her fluttering pulse. A featherlight touch, a complete contrast to the rough admission of disgust I have in myself that is laced in my tone.
“Reed—”
“I would never hurt you physically, Harley,” I repeat, more forcefully than before. “But I never realized I was still hurting you, anyway. I never knew I was doing it. I am so sorry, Angel.”
She never takes her eyes off mine as I kiss and suck my way up to her ear, drawing a shudder and a sharp intake of breath from her lips.
“You’re mine. I will protect you with my life.”
She whimpers as I whisper the confession in her ear, and then she turns and wraps her arms around my neck as her sweet lips meet mine in a deep and urgent kiss.
“I know. And you haven’t hurt me. I just don’t understand everything about you, that’s all.” She kisses me again, letting her lips linger against mine. “I know you probably crave control after what happened with Riley, and I understand. I felt helpless after what happened to Brett. I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t know what was going to happen. And neither did you. What happened must have been awful. She’s your sister, your twin. And your parents moved you away from New York after. Coming back must be hard for you with the memories. But just know, I am here for you, Reed. You can talk to me.”
She kisses me again and I could so easily devour her. Dive right in and lose myself in her. Not come up for air for hours until I have quenched the insatiable thirst I have for her. But her words have dread filling the air around us. It’s so thick I could pull great big thick black clumps of it away with my hands. Tear away the ugliness in the hope of finding light beneath it.
“Riley…? Harley, what are you talking about?”
She looks at me, her mouth dropping open as she searches my eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up. I shouldn’t have said anything. I just thought after what Bea said about your past and you saying there was a date that creeps up on you that… I mean, I think it’s amazing that you’re campaigning for tougher sentencing in assault cases. And Riley… her career, putting these monsters away. It’s… it’s inspiring. She’s an incredible woman, and I can’t wait to meet her. I hope I do, I mean, with you and I being…” She lifts a small hand but can’t wave it between us because I have her pulled so tightly against my chest that I can feel her heart beating against mine.
“I mean, I understand why you might need to feel control when it comes to sex. Why you don’t like me being on top of you.” Harley bites her bottom lip and the dread in the air closes around us like a dense fog as I realize what she’s talking about. A fog so deep and insidious I can’t see anything through it. Or at least, I never used to be able to. Now I see color. Bright, dazzling blue, shining back at me. Understanding, pure.
Her.
Her eyes look back at me, and I pray to God they look at me the same way in a few moments.
“Harley… I—”
“I’m so sorry you went through that, Reed. I’m so sorry that happened to her. Riley being assaulted must have been horrendous for her, for you, for your parents. For all of you.”