He shouts goodbye to Mason and says goodbye to Emmerson and Suze, and then he’s gone.
His scent lingers in the hallway, but it grows fainter with each breath I take as I stare at the closed door. Soon it will be gone completely.
Like he was never here.
“Come on.” Emmerson tugs on my arm, looking up at me with big eyes. I take her hand and let her lead me into the kitchen, my feet surprising me with how they manage to move themselves.
I’m dazed. Dizzy and disorientated, like I’ve been put in the washer on the fastest spin cycle. Ten minutes ago, I was in Reed’s arms. And now he’s gone. And I’m left with his and Maria’s words ringing in my ears.
It can’t ever be allowed to happen. He would rather die.
“I have to let go, Harley. It’s time for a fresh start. It was never going to last forever, Angel.”
I sit and force down one bite of grilled cheese sandwich with Suze and the kids. I listen to them tell me about their school meeting and how Mason has been chosen to join the school band.
But I can’t taste anything.
My mind keeps wandering.
Back to those words.
“It was never going to last forever, Angel.”
Nausea builds in my stomach, sloshing the grilled cheese around until all I can do to stop it from reappearing over the floor is sip my glass of water repeatedly.
He never wants that video to be released. He would rather die, just like Maria overheard him say.
A cold, creeping dread scatters up my spine.
What was never going to last forever?
Us?
What if he thinks we’re better off apart now? People can’t try and exploit my feelings for him. What if he thinks he can’t trust me because I ran and didn’t talk to him? He said he understood why I left, but does he? Does he really? Reed has always been about honesty between us. What if he can’t forgive me for going to Griffin first instead of him?
What if it’s too much? What if it’s all too much?
Angel.
His name for me has never been so far from the truth.
Angels don’t exist in hell. And that’s where I am now.
He’s gone.
He’s really gone.
And what’s more is that I started this. I left first. I thought I was doing what I had to.
But I’ve just shown him what it’s like to be apart.
And that’s his ‘fresh start’.
Without me.
Tears burn in my eyes, so I make my excuses, thanking Suze for the food, and head to the bathroom. She catches my eye with a worried nod and I know she’s waiting until the kids are in bed so we can talk. But I don’t know what to tell her.
How can I explain what just happened without my soul tearing in two? There are no words to describe how numb and empty I feel.