There’s a pause.
“Guilty,” Reed confesses with a soft chuckle.
“Stuart said you’d been doing it more.” The corners of my lips lift at the sound of Reed’s amused grumble.
“You’ve talked to Stuart then? But you can’t talk to me?”
The tiny smile drops from my face. Reed’s voice is soft and not accusing in any way. Yet, the undercurrent of hurt and confusion screams through his words. I wish I could tell him that there’s nothing I want more than to be with him tonight, instead of drinking wine alone on my friend’s sofa.
But I can’t.
“I…”
“It’s okay…” He sighs. “No. That’s a lie. Honestly? It’s far from fucking okay to me that you don’t feel you can tell me everything that’s going on. Because I know you’re not telling me everything… But that’s on me. If you can’t talk to me about anything, and I meananything, then that’s my fault. Not yours.”
“Reed…” My voice pitches as I squeeze my eyes closed. “It’s not because I don’t want to… It’s… There are things… I’m sorry,” I whisper finally, my chest sagging.
What else can I say? Sorry will never explain it. Sorry will never be enough. But it’s the only safe word I have.
“Griffin mentioned you haven’t been sleeping?” Reed says, changing the subject.
I look up to the ceiling and shake my head. Unbelievable.
“What else did he tell you? That I had a pee break at seven minutes past eleven and that I sneezed a grand total of nine times through the day?” I roll my eyes and wrap one arm around my body.
Despite the conversation feeling heavy only moments ago, Reed laughs, immediately lifting the cloud away that was threatening to engulf us both.
God, I’ve missed his laugh. I’ve missed everything. But especially his laugh. Whenever I hear it, I know that in that exact moment, he’s happy. And that makes my heart full. Talking to him has always lifted my spirits. Even though I should be ending this call before things get harder, I can’t. Hearing his voice and laugh again feels too good.
“How are you?” I ask.
“I’d be better if you were here,” he answers immediately.
My heart hammers in my chest, and I sniff as hot tears spring to my eyes. “You would?”
“Yes, Angel.”
I clasp my hand over my mouth to stifle the small sob that spills from it.
Angel.
“Reed, I can’t… we shouldn’t be—”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I don’t want to upset you. I just called to say goodnight. Are you in bed?”
“Not yet.” I suck in a breath and wipe my eyes with my free hand.
“Go and get ready. I’ll stay on the line.”
I look at the pile of bedding on the floor by the sofa, ready for me to make up my bed for the night.
“I need to set it up. And brush my teeth.”
“Go do it. I’ll wait.”
“Okay.”
I leave the call connected and put it onto speaker as I make up the bed, pausing as I finish and hesitating over what to say next. Reed beats me to it.