“Talk to me. If you’re scared because the election’s over and now we have to… I don’t know, put a label on us? Fuck, we don’t have to do anything like that. We can call it whatever the hell we want to.”
“It’s not that…”
What can I say? There’s no reason to explain it. I’m not being honest with him about the real reason I’m leaving.
“Is it Gracie Mansion? Moving in there together? We don’t have to. We can stay here. Wherever you’ll be happy.”
“Reed…” I let all the air exit my lungs, deflating them. The same way my heart feels.
Empty.
Like everything that made it complete is escaping, rushing out with each word I speak.
I grasp at straws for something to say as he waits for me to answer, concern etched into his face, causing deep lines to form between his brows.
“Yes, that’s part of it… It’s scary, and… I’m… I’m not sure how I feel about it. I just… I’ve never lived with anyone before. And now this isn’t a work thing.” I screw up my nose, searching for something else to say. “I’m not sure how I feel about it. I have my apartment, and I liked living there before, and—”
“We can do whatever you want. We can live in a fucking tent in Central Park for all I care. As long as you’re there with me.” He reaches for my hands, but I pull them away.
“It’s all gotten too serious, too fast, and it’s more than I can handle right now.” I force myself to sound strong. “I didn’t know what was going to happen between us. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t expect it. I don’t know if I want the life that comes with being the mayor’s girlfriend. Our life will never feel like our own. We won’t have any privacy.”
Finally, I’m saying things that are true.
“It’ll be like being scrutinized by the press every day for the things we say and do. The things we wear. The places we go.” I swallow and take a gamble with my next words. “And that man who could have caused so much damage if he’d known the real reason behind why when I met him, I told him my name was Julia… There will always be people like him.”
I pause, knowing Reed’s next words could be the most important ones I ever hear.
“He would never have gotten anywhere, Harls. I told you. I will protect you with my life. I will never let anyone use your past against you. I will never let anyone hurt you.” His eyes search mine in desperation, and a strange calm settles over me, summoning a stillness in the center of my scattered thoughts.
There it is.
My sign.
The sign I am doing the right thing. Reed is telling me he would do the same for me. Hehasdone the same for me. Only now it’s my turn. And I don’t have an option that includes staying by his side when I do it.
“I know you wouldn’t. And if there was a way I could protect you, then I would do it, too.” I smile sadly as he will never know just how much I mean these words. How much I am already trying to live by them.
For him.
I swallow, knowing that the next lie will be my final one. I need to leave before he sees right through me.
“It’s not the life I want, Reed. I can’t live like that. I’m sorry.”
“Harls…”
I shake my head, silencing him as my tears begin to fall.
“Please, Reed. Let me go.”
Chapter twenty-seven
Reed
“Youlooklikeshit.”
“Fuck off,” I mutter as I throw my jacket over the back of my chair and roll the sleeves of my shirt up.
“Did you actually go to bed at all last night?” Stuart asks, refusing to let it drop.