I pull up the leg of my pants, making sure not to go so far as to allow them to see the actual end of my body on that side.
“Titanium?” Grinch asks.
“This one is temporary. It’s aluminum,” I say.
I don’t have to look through the people crowding around me to know that Slick is keeping her distance. I hate that I ache for her attention. I hate how much I’ve missed her and how hard my heart started beating when my eyes finally found hers. I hate the indifferent way she looked at me.
Maybe things only changed for me. Maybe it’s going to be easy for her to go back to the way things were before.
Eventually, I become less of a curiosity and get the chance to chat with everyone while drinking my beer.
Kincaid comes over and welcomes me back, shaking my hand harder than I think he ever has before. He’s sincere in his welcoming, his eyes still shadowed by all the could-have-beens.
Guilt swims inside of me once again. I’ve worked through a lot of my shit with Dr. Ackerman, and I’ll continue my therapy with Dr. Alverez. I know that my death would hurt this team. Despite keeping their distance in the beginning, they more than made up for it over the last couple of weeks with their visits to the rental house between PT and appointments with Dr. Ackerman.
He may be my boss, but Kincaid is also the closest thing to a father figure I’ve had in a long time. Disappointing him hurts badly, and I strive to never do it again.
“Can’t wait to get back to work,” I hedge, watching Kincaid’s face.
He told me weeks and weeks ago I was welcome back at Cerberus, but he didn’t go into details about what my place here will be.
I could end up doing work around the clubhouse. There’s still a chance that he’ll refuse to let me back in the field.
“We’re not talking about work today,” he says, and I can’t tell if he’s telling me now isn’t the time or if he’s already made a plan to sit me down and give me bad news.
“A lot of construction across the street,” I say when I actually want him to give it to me straight. “Saw several pallets of wood over by the garage on the drive up as well.”
“Expansion on the clubhouse will start soon. It’s been put on hold while we’ve been on break. I don’t want everyone living in utter chaos.”
“A bigger clubhouse? Does that mean we’ll be able to get that new pinball machine?”
Confusion is evident on his face as he looks at me. “We’re expanding the clubhouse for the new members.”
“Oh, that’s right,” I say, despite this being the first time I’ve heard about it.
I’m instantly mad for several reasons. Ugly never mentioned any type of expansion and he certainly didn’t bring up the fact that Cerberus was bringing on new people. As I look across the room at the guy I considered a friend, I don’t know if he didn’t tell me because he thinks he needs to protect me from that information on some level or if he knows something I don’t.
I look back to my boss, my blood fucking boiling. He made such a big deal about me coming back. Told me that I’m welcome here. I’m a part of Cerberus. But he’s already making plans to fucking replace me.
“I like that fire in your eyes, Josh. It tells me that you’ll fight to stay,” Kincaid says.
It sounds like an ultimatum.
“Cerberus needs more teams. We need a rotation of members. I know everyone is all gung-ho about taking down the bad guys, but I also know from personal experience how everyone needs more downtime. I’ve felt the guilt everyone else has for taking a break because there’s always another bad guy to catch. With a rotation of groups, we can cover the same if not more ground and get the breaks everyone needs for their mental health. It’s impossible to do what we do day in and day out and not have it affect us.”
We.
He used the single word more than once, but I know better than to assume he’s including me in that.
“Personal lives and connections are just as important as the work we do in the field. With more members, we might be able to cover more ground, take a few more bad guys off the face of the earth. I want to make more of an impact.”
I nod, knowing it’s a legacy we all strive for. Kincaid has done wonderful things with Cerberus, and I guess I can only be grateful that I got to be a part of it, even if that part might be over for me now.
Chapter 31
Slick
This is much harder than I ever could’ve imagined it being. I know I shouldn’t be standing across the room, staring at him like a lovestruck teen girl, but I also can’t help myself.