I jerk my hand back when she puts the car in drive.
“We’re leaving?”
“You sound disappointed,” she says, glancing at me for half a second before she looks forward again. “I’m going to the next section. Have you ever wanted to feed a donkey?”
“Never not once in my entire life,” I tell her honestly. “You know I grew up in the city, right?”
She shakes her head. “You’ve never told me.”
“I know you have copies of every Cerberus member’s file.”
She doesn’t deny it as she puts the car back in park, turning a little in her seat to face me. “I wouldn’t invade anyone’s privacy like that, Josh.”
I see the honesty in her eyes.
“If you haven’t spoken it to me, I don’t know it. Unless you count gossip from the other guys, but I take all of that with a grain of salt.”
I’ve avoided being alone with the woman, long before I got hurt, because of the things I assumed she knew about me. I felt judgment in her eyes each time she shook her head and called me an idiot when I’d flirt with her in front of the guys.
I wanted her to see me differently than the man she read about in my service jacket and the psychological exam I was given before being able to join Cerberus. My delinquent history as a juvenile and the tragic way I lost my parents didn’t keep me out of Cerberus, but that information was out there.
I always felt analyzed when she looked at me, and now I realize I created that shit in my head.
“We’re almost out of food,” I tell her.
“Because you dumped half the bucket out for the ostrich. Don’t worry,” she says, pointing to the backseat. “We have plenty more.”
I huff a laugh at the sight of the five additional buckets back there.
We spend the next couple of hours at the drive-thru safari, laughing and feeding the animals. I feed some. I scream like a girl more than once. I have the best day I’ve had in a long damn time.
Chapter 21
Slick
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a better workout,” I whisper, my eyes closed, a smile on full display.
Aro hums his agreements, his breathing still a little erratic post-sex.
A sheen of sweat covers nearly every inch of my body, and I know Aro’s is the same, but I can’t manage to open my eyes and look at him.
We’re once again in those moments that I hate so much, the air thick with silence and things left unsaid. It sits heavy on top of me, not providing the same comfort his body did moments ago.
The threat of tears starts to burn my eyes, and that’s my cue to leave.
Every time we have sex, I go from euphoric to dejected in a matter of seconds. This time seems worse, the joy of my orgasm fading faster than ever before.
I know exactly what it means, and it’s blatantly clear that despite my best efforts, I’ve managed to cross over that line I tried so desperately hard not to. I’ve gone from fun, no strings attached sex, to liking this man more than a little.
I clear my throat, a nearly futile effort to stave off the tears, as I sit up.
I chance a look back at him, knowing this has to be the last time. My heart can’t take any more. I don’t even know if I’ll heal from the wound this entire situation is leaving deep inside of me.
Instead of having his eyes closed, ignoring me until I leave like normal, Aro is gazing at me, a small smile playing on his handsome face. It makes things worse, not better. That little smile, and his attention on me, make me think things will change between us.
“I’m—”
“Come here,” he says, his arms wide and welcoming.
“Excuse me?” Confusion draws my brow tightly together, because it feels like a dream.
“Come. Here.” He moves his fingers, cupping his hands open and closed.
“Come where?”
He huffs a laugh, the sound making me realize how ridiculous I’m acting, but he doesn’t understand.
Cuddling will only make things worse. It will only allow that sliver of hope inside me to grow. It will make the fall harder to recover from.
I don’t listen to the smart side of me, the one urging me to get up and leave.
I give in, lying back down beside him and pressing my cheek to his pectoral. His heart is strong, the rhythmic beating lulling me into a false sense of security.
When his arms circle my body, the squeeze in them everything I ever dreamed of, I force that voice away.
The crash may be terrible, but the way he’s holding me right now might be worth it in the end.
“Why are you smiling?” I ask, growing increasingly self-conscious about the weird grin he’s been sporting since we left his bedroom.