Chapter Nineteen
Drew
Everything is too loud. The wind, the way certain things echo in the expansive spaces—my own breathing. While I don’t remember much of my time they held me in the bunker underground, my bones feel broken and brittle, and my mind is foggy. The doctor says it’s a self-defense mechanism and I need more rest, but I’m not sure I believe him. If my brain was protecting me from what happened why would my past haunt me so? My grandmother’s face twisted in rage as she beat me senseless. The way a past boyfriend’s hand stung my cheekbone as he punished me for smiling at a stranger. John’s who were so rough that the violation I felt lasted for days. The nightmares play front and center all day and all night, so instead of talking about them or bringing others into it, I’ve stayed silent. I haven’t spoken a single word since I awoke in our suite inside the Astor mansion.
After a few days of my silence, something strange happened. Everyone began talking around me like I wasn’t there. Riley had conversations sitting next to me on the sofa, his hand in mine and spoke like he was alone. I learned a lot this way. It was as if they thought I was deaf and mute. The only other option is that I’m fully in the family now and secrets have no place anymore. I can’t think that, not after how much they had to pay for me. I am a burden, the greatest in the history of the Astor family. Worse than an enemy they can make disappear, I’m now a walking reminder of the time their family was weakest. I know Riley is mad about everything, but he’s also running an empire. He’s not frustrated with my silence, it’s as if he feels responsible for it. It’s still business as usual, with the only difference of him keeping me in eyeshot at nearly all times.
I opened my laptop and started working as soon as I realized it helped calm my thoughts. I completed my job with the motel, and all emails have a reply sent. It took a full twenty-four hours to get through my inbox, and when I finished, I wished there were more. More lessons for my reading, more work to distract my mind, more ways to get out of the body that no longer feels like my own. When there was nothing left to do, I resorted to reading contracts. All the ones I’d signed without studying or knowing full well what I was agreeing to. I’d like to say I learned something, but they’re as binding as Amy promised they would be. I wasn’t looking for a loophole. I was simply curious about what something legally blinding looked like.
Riley’s parents left and so did half the security we trust, which has Riley on edge as he paces the room, talking to someone back home in the city about an upcoming election. There’s one name that he hasn’t spoken in my presence, and I can’t tell if it’s purposeful or if he’s trying to keep himself from getting angry. Jesse Astor might as well be a piece of family history for all that anyone around me says about him. Granted, I’m not around very many people and I know Jesse is the reason I’m here and alive. If I were ready for the hassle of speaking, I’d try to find out if he was also the reason I needed rescued to begin with. The bruises on my body are fading, but the scars are different this time around. My body or my mind wasn’t my own when I was in The Ring. That kind of theft is something I’ve never experienced before, nor do I know how to recover from. Riley stops pacing and glances to where I’m sitting on the sofa wrapped in a blanket. “You’re right. It’s time. It might be the only thing that helps…” His voice trails off, and he unlocks the door to our seating area. Hanging up the phone, he sends a text message on a different phone, then sits next to me and pulls me into his lap. I go willingly, his body the only place where I feel safe, but not safe enough to take off my clothes and give myself to him. No, I’m still too messed up for that. He hasn’t tried to even kiss me, though snuggles aren’t going to be enough for much longer if his hard-on has anything to do with things.
He strokes my hair. “I haven’t been entirely truthful,” Riley says. I can feel him swallow with my head against his chest. “You’ve been sad, and I didn’t want to create any more pain for you. When you were rescued, you weren’t by yourself.”
I lean away, inhaling his sweet scent as I gaze at him. Narrowing my eyes, I probe him to keep talking. “My only hope is that this helps. That it doesn’t make things worse for you, or for her.”
Callie walks in the door, ushered in by a stony-faced Reggie. His demeanor melts into something softer when he meets my eyes. I stand, blinking a few times to make sure I’m not in my nightmare world that doesn’t exist—grasping that she’s real and here in front of me. Her hug is firm and the tears running down her face wet my shoulder. Through my shock, I realize I’m also crying. My best friend is here.
“I’ll give you some time together,” Riley says, leaving the immediate vicinity but not our quarters. Reggie also stays, lingering by the now-locked door.
“It’s you. They kept saying you were here, but I thought it was a lie because they wouldn’t let me see you for myself.” She pulls back, taking my face in her hands. “We were there together. In The Ring. Those sick fucks,” she hisses. “Are you hurt?” Understanding slips in between my emotions and I sob a little louder.
I swallow hard, knowing she’s exactly what I need. “Nowhere you can see,” I whisper, my hoarse voice unlike my usual tone. “Are you okay?” I ask even though how could she be?
“I don’t know if I’ll ever trust a man again, but I’m okay as I can be,” she says this while staring in the direction Riley went. “Tell me everything you want to and leave out the rest.” Callie follows me back to the couch, where we sit and talk for hours. She remembers things I don’t and vice versa. It’s upsetting while also being a salve. She went through it, but she may be the only person who understands perfectly what we went through. Her boyfriend in Florida ended up being a recruiter for The Ring and as soon as he found out she didn’t have any family or close friends, he sent her away for a fat paycheck—even drugged her himself. As she tells the story, I remain quiet, watching Riley work at the desk he had moved into this expansive room so I wouldn’t have to be behind a locked door. He wouldn’t harm me like that. He senses me thinking of him and glances my way. I offer a weak smile, and he returns to his computer. I’m sure he knows I’m speaking, but he won’t make a big deal out of it. Everything on my time. That’s what he told me.
“If Jesse got me, who else was there?”
Callie’s gaze flits to Reggie. He’s laser focused on the door. “They didn’t know I was there, babe. He recognized me and decided to save me, too.” I lose my breath as I watch my friend, my guard, torture himself.
I shake my head, and more tears fall. “They’re good people,” I whisper. “Despite the fact we’re surrounded by high crime and killers, they truly are good.”
She squints at me. “You don’t sound like you used to. It’s a compliment,” Callie breathes. “You talk like you know what you want and who you are. Reggie told me you’re reading and doing emails and business now.” She swallows hard. “I didn’t believe it, not because I didn’t think you could, just that I’ve never seen someone like me do anything worth a damn in their life, babe. I know they’re good. You are, too. You know that, right?”
I stare at her. “I don’t know about that but thank you for saying those nice things.”
Callie puts her hands on my shoulders. “Own it. You are beautiful and smart, and good lord, you have the world at your fingertips. Take it, Destiny, I mean, Drew. Take it with both hands and hold on tight. Think about it this way. Who else would come out on top? After what we went through in The Ring? It was enough to destroy those normal women. We know how it feels when life knocks you down. We get up. Every time. Life is only cruel to those who can withstand it.” She coughs. “I read that in a magazine.”
I let a small smile slip, remembering looking at glossy photos in the laundry room after cleaning motel rooms. “Speaking of magazines, I think I know what true love is. Finally. I feel it.”
“I don’t doubt it. That man is one hundred percent certifiably crazy about you. How many flower bouquets are in this one room alone? A thousand?” More than could fit in the main living area, I think, glancing around at the overflow. Astor men don’t apologize with words, I think. Even if he doesn’t have anything to be sorry for, it’s obvious he blames himself for the predicament I was in. “I couldn’t see you earlier because he was worried it might upset you. Riley Astor hasn’t left these rooms since we’ve been back. I have a nice room overlooking the ocean, but Reggie only lets me leave to go to the medical ward.” The doctors come to me here in our suites. I couldn’t even say where the ward was. “When I found out you were at this place, I asked fifteen times a day to visit you.” She exhales, peering at Riley quickly. “He’s overprotective, but then again, I guess it’s with good reason.”
“Have you heard anything about…” I say, hesitating to peek at Riley. “Jesse?”
“He’s gone, babe. I overheard Reggie talking to Riley’s parents before they left, and they said he was going back to the States to run city business until Riley figures out what he wants to do with him. He’s still in.” Callie talks like the Astors are a street gang from Dirt Downs, and I guess it’s not much different, but her outside perspective gives me pause. Never once have I viewed the family in the same light as the seedy people I grew up around. The men my grandma would bring around and the boys I wasted time with aren’t the same as the Astors. Right? If they are the same, it would make my place in their world sensible. A different class of gang, sure, but under the dirt, you’ll always find roots. It is the same in that way. Bleeding and business go hand in hand. Laying a hand on my stomach, nausea churns in a terrible way. Callie continues talking at hyper-speed about her time in Florida, ignoring the elephant in the room.
“Callie,” I say, interrupting.
She quirks a brow, upset she knows I’m tearing her from happy talk. “Yes.”
I sigh, then whisper. “Do you know how we got out of The Ring?”
The way her breathing changes and her gaze darts to Riley tells me she does. She repositions on the couch so her face isn’t visible. “Some of it. After the drugs wore off a bit. The hospital bed.” Callie glances at Reggie and swallows. “I was awake enough to know that fucking Reggie was my way out of that hell-dazed nightmare.” She closes her eyes. “Thank God he got me out of there.”
I whisper, “My memories from that room are hazy. It’s like tiny snippets of a dream. The more time that passes, the less I remember. Jesse didn’t look like himself. It felt like a fever dream where I couldn’t distinguish what was real and what wasn’t.” A fat tear rolls down my face. “If he were someone I didn’t know at all, it would have been worse. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Callie.”
“Don’t be sorry. He was gentle, and he told me he was saving me. I’ve done worse for money, babe. Don’t apologize for something you didn’t have control over.” She shakes her head, so sure of herself.
“It’s my fault you were in Florida and by default, the reason you met him.”