“Isn’t she supposed to get a happily ever after?” I say, sighing as I caress between my legs, to feel the come sticky between my fingers. “This is a huge first,” I whisper, mostly to myself, but he hears.
“Ever after means from this time forward, and I want your past, too, so no,” he says against my lips. “She gets more than an ever after. She gets to create a version of herself from the moment she was born until the day she dies. Whatever makes her happiest.” Riley pulls back to read my face. “What’s a first?” He raises an eyebrow.
“I’d like more than an ever after,” I say, thinking about the woman I want to become, and what her past looks like. Where did she come from? “Oh, nothing, not that big of a deal. You’re the first to come inside me since, well since the incident.”
He widens his eyes, scared.
“It’s okay, I promise.”
He knows what happened to me. It’s as if Jesse and Riley share all knowledge with each other. I know if I tell one something important, they will share. Jesse’s words circle back.We share everything.“It’s also the first time I’ve been able to come during sex.”
It occurs to me that’s something I want to erase from my past—so I never have to tell another person what happened to me. I can turn my past into a shield. “We didn’t get to try any other positions to find out your ultimate favorite, but we know that one is a pleaser,” Riley says. “I don’t have to come inside you, tell me what you want.”
I shake my head. “I want you to. It can replace that memory.” He strokes my bottom lip with his thumb, watching my face closely. “A warning though, I might become obsessed.” Reaching down, I wrap my hand around his dick.
He licks his lips. “I encourage that.”
“Good,” I sigh, relishing in his attention. “Obsessed is actually a perfect word for how I feel, too.”
His phone rings from the bedside table. I see Jesse’s name, and a little of the bliss slips away. How is this supposed to work? Not logistically, emotionally. I sit up in bed as Riley talks to Jesse. He moves away from me into the bathroom, and I stare at his sculpted ass and his broad back. My heart gallops when I think about facing Jesse. I slip on Riley’s button-up from last night and pad into the bathroom. I need to pee and wash up. Riley smiles when he sees me. “Yeah. Sounds good,” Riley says into the phone. I close the door to the water closet for privacy since I don’t want to hear what they are talking about. I wince as I wipe, wondering how long it’s going to take to get used to taking his talented dick on a regular basis. After I finish, I peer around the corner and Riley is wrapping up the call. “Later,” he says before hanging up.
Riley leaves briefly while I’m brushing my teeth and comes back with an ice pack. “You’ll need that.” I take it from him, foam bubbling from my mouth. “For your unmentionables.”
I finish brushing and spit. “Or maybe we take a break today,” I argue as he steps into the shower.
“It’s notmetoday or tonight, lamb.” He clears his throat and meets my eyes through the glass that hasn’t quite fogged up yet. I follow him in because I can’t help myself. “I wish it was,” he adds.
Leaning into his hard body, I let the hot water cascade over both of us until it pools between my breasts. “How am I supposed to approach this? With both you and Jesse.” I look up, and he’s staring over my head as he washes his hair. “Emotion wise, I mean. I know I can hold separate spaces for each of you, but how is there not resentment or jealousy?” No one tells you about the lessons you learn while hooking. I can separate emotions from sex because it’s my job. Sex is meaningless. Having two close relationships with these men while also being intimate? That’s something different I’m unable to figure out.
He narrows his eyes, and it seems as if I’ve finally touched on something he’s not comfortable talking about. “At first,” he says, tone low. “We did it this way because it was easier to bring one person into the family fold. It’s easier to protect one woman especially when we both have feelings. It began to prevent jealousy if you can believe that.”
I don’t hide my shock, it’s impossible. “Sharing a womanpreventsjealousy?”
He nods. “Everyone gets the same flavor ice cream.” Riley looks pained as I pull away and try to look busy by washing my body. “We aren’t normal people, we’re wired differently, so it sounds crazy, I know. When more people want to kill you than befriend you, it’s best to not take unnecessary risks. Jealousy is prevented if the playing field is level on as many planes as you can manage.”
“You’re worried about Jesse hurting you over jealousy?”
Riley’s face shutters, like Jesse does on a regular basis. “You liked Chaz, right?”
I nod. “Yes, but what does that have to do with this?”
“Nothing,” he says. “She’ll be here in an hour to get you ready for work.” He cups my jaw as water slides off his face. “If you’re okay after yesterday, that is. There is a building Amy was looking into purchasing and I thought you might want to tag along. Spend some time with her to see if you get along well enough.” A complete change of subject
“That’s fine,” I reply, laying my hand on top of his. “Are you both really scared of each other? It doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s healthy to be afraid in all areas of life. It keeps you sharp.” Riley presses his lips against mine, nibbling my lower lip before he pulls away and finishes showering quickly. By the time I’ve washed myself, he’s already left the bedroom. His voice carries from the kitchen. He’s singing as he cooks breakfast. Wearing a robe and a towel wrapped around my head, I waddle out, the ice pack in my panties as he ordered.
He hands me coffee. It’s first sip perfection. “I leave this weekend for a month or so. I have business in Mexico. You’re just getting your feet wet so if you don’t want to visit me, I’ll understand.”A month!“All you have to do is let me know and I’ll have everything arranged for you to fly to me.” Riley smiles a huge wolfish grin. “What? You knew I didn’t live here all the time.”
“I didn’t realize you were gone for such extended periods of time either. Of course, I want to visit you.”
“Don’t make hasty decisions, you have a new life to become accustomed to.”
“Isn’t being with you part of my new life?” My voice shakes and I hate that my insecurities show.
He frowns. “I slept next to you. Do you know how much trust and thought goes into a small decision? You are part of my life now. That decision is made. You have nothing to be unsure of. There’s just the issue of,” Riley says.
I cough on a hot sip of coffee. “Jesse,” I finish his sentence.