I peer behind him and see Monica’s feet hanging out from the galley kitchen, a rodent scurrying over her exposed calf. “Because your past is about to go up in fucking smoke.”
I smell it then. The gas tinged with fumes and smoke. Jesse closes the door and cuts my view. “What… what did you do?”
He grabs my hand and pulls me to the truck. My feet feel leaden, and my body is sluggish and slow as shock penetrates. He pushes me into the cab and closes the door. He starts up the truck and peels out of the lot. I stare dazed, out the back window as fire blooms on the right side of the apartment complex and then, because they’re all old and connected, an explosion shatters the entire shitty lot to smithereens. It will be gone in minutes. All of it. Every bad memory, singed out of existence. Even though the child in me, with the big heart and little understanding of how the world works, aches with a sense of loss, the woman I’m becoming now rejoices in a sadistic celebration.
As we roll past the bus stop on the corner, women and children pile onto the bus, confused yet hopeful—their oppressor burning in one fell swoop. With a shaking body, I turn in my seat to look at Jesse. He’s removed his hat and his thumb is thumping along to a song playing low. I finally escaped for good, but what did I escape into? I traded one gang for another. I traded filth and poverty for luxury without rules. “Jesse, we’re going to get in trouble.”
He laughs, true and loud. It changes his face. Reaching over, he takes my hand. “We’re Astors, Drew. We don’t get in trouble. We get richer.”
We’re?
“By getting rid of that hovel, we’ve made room for dealers in a better class. We’ll take care of the aftermath. We always do.”
He realizes how hard I’m shaking once his hand is in mine. “You killed her. My grandma. She’s gone.” I yank my hand away. “You’re a killer, Jesse. You killed her!”
“Did you see the gun she had in her hand when she came out of her room?” he asks the question simply.
I swallow down the sick feeling that won’t go away. “No.”
“I didn’t think so.”
“She wouldn’t have shot me,” I counter.She would have, my subconscious whispers.
He smiles softly. “I wasn’t going to give her the chance. She aimed at your back when you left, Drew.” I didn’t know it was possible to feel any worse.
“Jesse!” It’s a high-pitched wail. “This isn’t normal. What will you tell the cops?”
He puts both hands on the wheel when he pulls onto the freeway. “The cops won’t come looking. You’re free from that woman and those people now. Don’t you feel the least bit better?” He values retribution and revenge over everything. I make a mental note and promise myself I’ll never forget it.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Is this what you usually do with a free morning?”
“No. You could thank me,” he says, laughter in his voice.
“I would never,” I say. Even if I do feel better. “I feel like all I’ve seen you do is kill people.”
He laughs. “Sometimes I paint in between.”
My shaking slows as reality sets in. If I don’t have to fear cops or back blow from this, there really is only one problem left. “The women and children are going to that motel you said the Astors own,” I say. “I also promised double down to the woman who got them all out.”
His smile widens. “You’re finally catching on. I knew you had more than looks.”
“You’re happy about my ability to bribe and aid in murder and arson?” Even if I didn’t mean it as a joke, that’s what it sounds like. The situation is so laughably awful.
“It makes me want to pull this truck over and fuck you rotten.” A white smile slides across his face and turns into something feral that ignites my core.
How twisted have I become? To trade one gang for another? I’m warring with my moral compass as I process the death of my past, and Jesse is turning me on.
“My stomach hurts,” I say, wrapping both arms around my center.
Jesse pulls over to the side of the road. “Your mouth doesn’t hurt, does it?”
Chapter Nine
Drew
“You’re the fuck after fight kind, then?” I ask, head spinning at his sudden request.
“That wasn’t a fight,” Jesse says, casually unzipping his pants and pulling out his cock. It’s long, thick, and hardening before my eyes. “That was business,” he adds. “This isn’t fucking. It’s your mouth on my cock. I’ve wanted this since the moment I laid eyes on you.”