“Plans can change,” I say. “This wasn’t my plan.” I gesture to the room.
He pulls out of my grasp. “For you and me, our life lessons are learned through pain. We must lose to gain. That’s over now. That’s over here. We aren’t those people anymore.”
My bottom lip trembling, I tell him how my grandma put me in the hospital, not pausing once. I want him to know why I said what I said. If he’s trying, so can I. I speak it out loud for the first time since it happened. I lay a hand on my stomach and wince when I get to the last part I remember before I woke up in the hospital. Jesse closes his eyes halfway through and doesn’t open them until I’ve finished speaking. I think he’s picturing it in his mind the way some artists do. The strokes of life’s paintbrush sullying me by proxy of bad luck. Rage flickers in the depths of his gaze when he looks at me, but I know I’m safe from his wrath. He saves that for those who deserve it. Shaking his head once, he leaves my room. I don’t know what to think. Did I overstepped by sharing with him? I can’t imagine I did. He’s the type of man who would have told me to be quiet if he wasn’t interested. He let me speak, and he heard me.
It doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep, the silk sheets gliding against my clean body like a second skin. The scent of Jesse clings to the air, lulling me softly. When I wake in the morning, sunlight filling the room, the bench is gone, and two black chairs are in its place.
My blue vase is no longer empty, it is filled with black roses. Too many to even count.
Chapter Eight
Drew
The flowers smell just as sweet when they’re as black as my soul. Somehow, even sweeter because I know who they’re from. Still naked, I use the bathroom, wash my face, and then check my cell phone. I reply to Callie’s check in with a voice message and decide I have to get her out of the motel as soon as possible. She’s not safe there. Not after whatever happened to Matteo. Even lowly prostitutes are worthy of retribution and revenge. Her punishment will be severe, mine, if one of the Dirt Downs gang got to me, death. My thoughts are spiraling. It’s not a healthy headspace to reside in, it’s the place I was when I left Dirt Downs to begin my life in the city. I slip on the robe and I’m tying the belt when Jesse pops his head in.
“Are you hungry?” he asks. I’m taken aback by the mundane nature of the question. He doesn’t strike me as a being that cooks, or even eats. He’s the type that seems to exist on air and creativity.
I’m still getting used to waking up this early. “Sure, as long as I can grab some coffee with breakfast.” I phrase it politely, testing the waters afterwhateverlast night was.
“Yep,” he replies, vanishing from view leaving the door ajar. I find him in the kitchen, a pair of gray sweatpants slung low on his narrow hips. The air feels cold, and a shiver runs up my arms. I clear my throat, so he knows I’m here. “I couldn’t sleep last night,” Jesse says.
I rub my hands together to warm them, taking a seat onone of the stools at the island. “I saw you did a little redecorating.” Here goes. “Thank you for the roses. You didn’t have to do that.”
“You’re welcome,” Jesse says, pressing a button to grind the coffee. The scent hits my nose and my mouth waters. “You’re right, I didn’t have to do anything.” When he turns, his gaze licks up my body. “What you told me last night,” he says, pausing. “Who did that to you? What was his name?”
I grin. “You want to take him out for me?” I tease.
His face remains grim. “A name, Drew.”
“Oh, right. You’re serious.” I clear my throat. He turns to pour me coffee and asks if I want creamer. I tell him how I like it and he hands me a mug. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” I ask once more. “It was a long time ago and in the past.”
“And yet it still affects you in ways that cripple you with anxiety.” He pours himself a cup and takes the first hot sip. He also takes his coffee black. “There is unfinished business there. As I asked before, what’s his name?”
I scoff. “Killing him isn’t going to fix me.”
Jesse is mulling my words, so I continue. “What happened to me isn’t my fault. It is merely a product of where and who I was with. If I had chosen differently, I wouldn’t have been in that situation. I chose differently as soon as I could. That’s what brought me to the motel next door.” I take a sip of coffee and relish the bittersweet taste on my tongue.
“But you didn’t quite change your ways or make different decisions,” Jesse replies. “What needs to happen for it not to affect you?”
“I don’t know. More time to pass. I was doing the best I could with what I had at my disposal.” The talk of trauma has me dwelling in the past. I tell Jesse a name. One that used to haunt me, but now only leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t know why I tell him. It’s the power I’ve never had before, or it could be that I know he will continue to terrorize women until the day he ceases to exist. “I do feel like I have some loose ends that need tying,” I reply quietly. “I owe someone money.”
“Who?” Jesse asks, blue eyes floating from me to the window.
“Maybe owe is the wrong word, but you know how matters with money go. It would involve going back to Dirt Downs, though.” I pause for several seconds, trying to read his face. “Do you need me to clean anything today? For work?”
He puts his mug down, eyeing my hands. “You don’t have to clean Drew.”
I tell him the amount and he doesn’t balk. I have it in the duffel under my bed, but only if my paychecks keep coming. My heart starts pounding. “I need to work,” I reply. “I need this job.” Exactly what Callie said is coming true. “If you don’t want me cleaning, what can I do? I can cook.” Poorly, but I’ll learn quick if that’s my only option.
“I’ll still pay you; this isn’t about money for me. Your hands need to heal, and you cleaned last night anyway. If I injure you anymore, Riley will have my head.” I can tell by his grin, he’s joking about the last part, but it confuses me to no end. “How much money do you owe?”
“Does it matter?” I ask.
“Yes,” he counters. “It’s Dirt Downs. You can’t ride through there strapped with cash and expect a tea party. I have the morning off and Riley called and said you have a meeting with him tonight. I’ll take you and you can be done with the place forever.”A meeting with Riley?My heart skips a beat.
“You’re not the least bit worried to go there after what happened with Matteo?” Then because I can’t help myself. “What’s the meeting with Riley about?”
Jesse licks his lips, watching me closely. “I don’t worry about things I can’t control, and Drew, this is something I control well.” He looks away. “I’m not sure what the meeting is about but do you have pressing plans tonight?”