Jesse backs away one step, angry gaze melting into something more somber. “Don’t say that. It’s not your fault. I didn’t know where you were. I was worried,” he says, before turning around to approach his work. It’s defused by a few words spoken by Riley. How does he have this effect? “I saw your stuff was here but didn’t know how it got here or where you went.” He clears his throat. “And my apartment is a fucking mess. No one was here to clean it.”
Riley’s words echo back to me. Give Jesse what he wants. His apartment isn’t a mess at all so I know it’s only an excuse to make me feel bad.
I glance over my shoulder, but Riley doesn’t meet my eyes, he’s looking at Jesse, gauging, measuring, trying to figure him out. I’m dizzy, but I remove my shoes, careful not to bend the knee with stitches, and set my shoes by the door. “I’ll get straight to work. This won’t happen again, Mr. Astor.”Only when it doesn’t matter.
Jesse’s head spins as soon as I speak. A slight tilt of his mouth tells me I was right. Even though my hands burn, I grab the mopping bucket, the supplies, and I work. I don’t know when Riley leaves, but I’m still buzzed when I finish the entire place. It’s night, and I can hear Jesse on the phone. His voice is angry, and I don’t want to be around that. Not after I spent a day flying high on Riley’s sunshine and grace. This feels too real. Too much like myself. Like Destiny. Grabbing my shoes and my purse, I slip into the black room and close the door. All my things are here, in a neat row in front of the bed. The artwork Matteo purchased at my request is hanging beside the bed, a jumbled mess of words and lines. I voice message Callie to check in and to confirm she’s okay then, with bleeding hands, I unpack my things. I changed the gauze on my hands halfway through cleaning because blood soaked all the way through. After I set the empty blue vase on one of the nightstands, I say, “Some things never change.”
I’m still cleaning, and the vase isstillempty. Exhaling, I lean over and stretch out my back. I’m sore and tired, but I need to shower. I take my toiletry kit into the bathroom and get undressed. I’m about to turn on the shower when I hear a knock on the bedroom door. The black robe is hanging near the shower, so I slide it on and yell for him to come in. It can only be one person, and frankly, I’m surprised he’s knocking at all.
Jesse looks unsure when he glimpses my state of undress.
“I was going to shower really quick, if that’s okay.”
“You don’t need permission. That’s fine. I wanted to tell you how great the apartment looks.”
I smile as response. The less I say, the better with Jesse.
“Did you have a nice day today?”
I nod. “I did.”
Jesse pauses, lingering just past the threshold of this room. He looks nervous as he taps a finger against his leg. He has a beer in his other hand that looks to be half empty. The shitty kind that people drink in Dirt Downs. It’s the little things like this that connect me to Jesse, but also why they set my teeth on edge. He takes a long swallow of the beer, sets it on the makeup table, and approaches. “Let me see how everything is healing.”
It’s an order, I can tell, but I shrink back a couple steps. “It’s fine. It got a little bloody, but I put new bandages on it.” Swinging my hands behind me, I clasp them behind my back.
“Show me,” he insists, closing the distance between us. “The cleaning made it bleed?” His gaze narrows suspiciously. “And you didn’t stop?”
I clear my throat. “It’s my job, and you pay me well. Why would I stop?” I’m not dead, and that’s the only reason I would do something to fuck this up.
Jesse turns his palms over, requesting my hands and I lay them on his. “I admit, I’d forgotten how bad these were when I ordered you to clean. I was angry, and I wasn’t thinking straight.” I wince as he unwraps the gauze sticking to my skin. “You should have told me.”
“No offense, but telling you I can’t do what you’re paying me to do isn’t something I’ll ever do.”
“These hurt,” he says. “And it’s not always about money.”
I swallow and offer a brisk laugh. “It is in my world.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” Jesse whispers, leading me back to the bathroom and to the kit. I kick my dirty clothes away because I left them where I undressed in the middle of the room. “Drew, you don’t have to be afraid of me.”
I don’t know how he’s keyed into my fear, but he has, and I have no fucking clue what he’s feeling or thinking. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m doing what it takes to make a better life for myself.”
“Bullshit,” he barks, taking my hand back into his. “You did this to yourself to avoid telling me you were bleeding, and it was hurting. I don’t want that. I never want that. Youarescared of me.”
Sighing, I let my gaze land on his. “It’s that I’m unsure of your intentions, Jesse. I’m not scared, well not really, anyway, I can’t figure you out. What do you want from me?”
After a beat of two, his jaw works left and right. Impenetrable gaze beating into mine. “I’m trying to figure that out. Follow me.”
He starts the tub, sitting on the edge, his hand under the thick stream as he adjusts the temperature. My heart hammers and my mind spins. Is this him telling me what he wants? “I’ll help you, so you don’t have to use your hands.” He stands, tall frame draped against the window behind the tub. He appears as a shadow, someone who isn’t really there. “Get in, Drew.” He drops a small ball into the water and bubbles form at the same time a sweet scent fills the air.
Riley’s words circle through my mind, and if this is what Jesse wants, I’ll obey. I wait for him to turn around, or even to let his gaze leave my body, but it doesn’t. Blowing out a breath to calm my nerves, I untie the belt and step carefully into the huge tub. Even though I’m exposed fully to him, he doesn’t show emotion. He extends a hand, that I take as I slide into the hot water careful to keep my knees up and out of the suds. “You don’t have to help me,” I say. “I’ve been through worse and still had to keep myself clean and alive.”
“I want to help.” There’s the word.
I nod. He pulls a stool over to the side of the bath and sits, watching my every inhale, my every blink. The bubbles cover my body, so I’m no longer concerned with modesty. It’s a shock that I cared to begin with after baring myself to strangers on a regular basis. It proves Jesse is different. This is more than meets the eye, and I’m desperate to figure out what it could be. The water lulls me into a false sense of security, and I immediately wonder if this is another ploy. “Tell me something,” I say, sighing once before closing my eyes. “Anything.”
“You are beautiful,” he says, feral gaze dancing across my face.
I blush even more than the hot water forces. “Thanks, but I meant about yourself.” I almost put my hands in the water but stop before they submerge.