“Why would I start crying?”
I stare at her face, taking this moment in and gratitude fills my chest because she’s here with me. Because I was allowed to see her one last time before she declares she hates me and severs all contact.
“I’m a double agent,” I finally say between my teeth and Freya gasps in shock. “I work for the FBI and my job was to infiltrate the Nordic Mafia.”
Swaying, Freya looks at me like I’ve grown horns and a pointy tail. Tears flood her eyes and she lets out a sob. “Rammstein, no...,” she whispers and it’s killing me, “no, no, no. How could you?”
When she backs off into the wall, I make an attempt to follow but the ropes cut into my skin and I let out a curse. Wrapping her arms around her body, Freya slides down the wall and starts shaking while silently crying. Tears stream down her cheeks and she buries her face in her hands.
“Freya...,” I plead, “don’t do this to me...”
She snivels, wiping the tears off and when she looks up at me, her eyes are disappointed. “Why did you do it, Ram? They’re your brothers, we were your family...how....how could you r...ruin us like this?”
Fuck, what do I tell her? That I’ve hated the Nordic Mafia ever since I was child? That my father who gave me the scars on my face when I was a kid was a member? That when FBI approached me with this mission, I accepted because I saw it as my chance for revenge?
And should I tell her I know regret what I’ve done? The made men weren’t as bad as I thought. They were loyal, ready to sacrifice themselves for their brothers, their women, their children...their families. Eventually I began warming up to them, liking them...and Freya made everything even harder.
I never gave FBI what they really wanted even though I have heaps of information. But saying something that could hurt Freya turned out to be impossible and I’ve kept my mouth shut, revealing only unimportant bits and pieces here and there and blaming it on the mob being too suspicious and too careful.
“They don’t know as much as you think,” I tell Freya. “I’ve never given them any crucial information.”
Freya stops sobbing and looks at me. “You’ve never told them anything that could hurt us?” I shake my head and she murmurs, “I’m not sure if I believe you.” She bites her lip. “Actually I don’t believe you but I suppose it doesn’t matter. I still have to get you out.”
She rises, dragging a hand down her belly and the gesture’s unusual for her but maybe it’s the time of the month. “I’ll think of something,” she says. “I’ll find a way to get you free.”
Thatshe won’t ever be able to pull off. I’m stuck. And I should worry about my situation but instead I worry more about her walking out, without letting me taste her again.
“Before you leave I want you to come closer. I know I don’t have the right to demand anything but I don’t think I’ll last through the night without feeling your lips on mine.”
“I’m not the kind of girl who kisses traitors,” she whispers, raising her chin, “but...I don’t think I can say no to you.” She pinches her lips. “Does that make me a bad person, Ram?”
Fuck no. “That makes you a good girl, Freya,” I rasp, my heart pounding like a hammer when she walks over to me and I inhale her scent. She smells of sleep, of soft things and in her pale blue robe, she looks like cleanliness and goodness itself. It makes me want to hold her and never let go. Kill anyone that tries to rip her away from my arms.
“A very good girl...,” I pant when she stands before me. Hell, if I was free, I’d already have her up the wall right now and it’s torture having to wait for her to make the first move. Lowering her face, she gives me a meek kiss. One that’s supposed to be sweet and caring but I don’t want it sweet with her. She riles me up too much and I shamelessly thrust my tongue into her mouth, until she whimpers. Testosterone rages in my body as I lick her, twisting and probing and it makes her tremble like it’s my cock she’s taking.
Her arms go around my neck as if she needs to steady herself and my head swims. She’s just like I remember. Made for me and I can’t get enough, pressuring her to give more and more until I almost swallow her in one gulp.
“You always take the yard when I give you an inch...,” she whispers with hooded eyes and swollen lips.
And she lets me take it which is what makes her so irresistible. I want to roar in agony that she’s going to leave me but I can’t keep her here the whole night. She looks like she doesn’t want to leave me either, hesitating and lingering around my lips as if she wants more but then she flinches and runs out the room.
She takes all the shimmery lights with her and the thought is clear in my mind. If I ever manage to escape this compound, she’s going to come with me. I can’t live without her. Saving me is pointless if she can’t give me herself.
Freedom means nothing without her.
She’s my everything. My little light in the dark and despite everything, a smile still crosses my face before I’m swallowed by shadows.
CHAPTER FOUR
Freya
I’ve never found our dinners that trying before but suddenly I can barely get through half the meal. Everyone’s sitting around the table, drinking, eating and talking and I want to scream that there’s a man down in the basement right now who should’ve been my husband.
Frustrated, I drag a hand through my hair and I can’t push down another bite. Last night after I left Rammstein, I couldn’t sleep. Then I spent the rest of the day dancing and keeping to myself, pretending that everything’s normal.
I suppose I’m doing a pretty good job because nobody’s suspecting anything and Mayra’s keeping her mouth shut. She hasn’t told uncle I’ve visited Rammstein. I take it as a sign she’ll be willing to help me because she’s going to need to be part of my plan.
Digging my fingers into my napkin, I take a sip of my drink before excusing myself. I don’t know if I can last a second longer while the enforcer sits opposite me with cracked knuckles. Knuckles he used on Ram...