He sucked in a breath and then let it out slowly. As he did, he looked down at the envelope. He took a step toward me, and it looked as if all the life had gone out of him. "If you want the divorce, I will sign, but not under these terms. I understand you don't want anything from me, but I'm going to ask that you allow me to make some provisions for you and the babies."
Babies. So Amelia had told him about the twins.
He looked up from the envelope, his gaze catching mine. "But I'm not going to sign away my rights. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I'm going to be a terrible father, but I want to be a father to them."
Bitterness filled me. I knew James could be selfish and only thought about business. But to use our babies to secure his position in the company? That was too much. "Why? So George won't fire you from the board?"
James jerked. "I resigned."
"What?" Ever since James showed up tonight, I couldn't keep up on what he was saying.
He finally sank down into a chair and scraped his hands over his face. “They had an emergency board meeting tonight, and my guess is that George was going to try and vote me out. I let him know about everything you found out about him and told him I was prepared to take it to the authorities. As I told him off, I should have felt powerful and victorious, but all I felt was emptiness. All of a sudden, I couldn't figure out why I had been busting my ass so hard for the company because at that moment, I didn't want it."
I watched James, uncertain as to how to respond. I couldn't read him. Was he regretting his decision to resign?
"What is it that you do want?"
He shook his head and stood up. "What I can't have." He gave a sad laugh. "I'm too late." He looked at me with earnestness. "But I meant what I said about the babies. I don't want to give them up. I'll fight for my rights if I have to, but I'm hoping I won't have to."
His words made me happy and sad at the same time. He wanted to be a father, and I was happy for the babies. But he didn't want me. He said he'd sign the divorce papers, which made it clear that he still didn't want to be married. At least not to me. After all, if he had wanted me too, now would've been the time for him to say something.
He let out a breath. "I'm sorry that I just showed up like this. I'll let you get some rest. I'll have my lawyer get in touch with your lawyer about new terms." He looked at me one more time, and for a moment, I thought he wanted to say something more. But then he gave me a sheepish smile. "I'll see myself out."
I nodded, feeling like I should say or do something more, but I didn't know what. I wanted to tell him that I loved him again, but I wasn't brave enough. I would settle for my children having him in their lives. I had to accept that James and I wouldn't work. How could we when our relationship started as a deception? Nothing about it was real except, of course, the babies.
As soon as the front door latched shut, Vivie rushed into the living room. "Well, he gives a whole new meaning to the word repressed."
I frowned up at her. "Were you eavesdropping?"
She shrugged. "I wanted to know if you needed any help." She sat in the chair that James had just vacated. "One thing’s for sure—he got your message loud and clear."
"What message?" Had I been sending him a message?
"The one that said you were done with him. The one that said no matter how much he groveled, he wasn't getting a second chance."
I decided that I must be asleep and dreaming all this because just like my conversation with James, I wasn't able to keep up with what Vivie was saying to me. "He was groveling?"
"Not like you might expect him to. Like I said, the guy is repressed beyond belief. He might have, though, if he thought he had a chance, so maybe he's not repressed. He's a coward.”
I gaped at her. "I don't know what you heard, but nothing about his visit fits with what you're saying."
She tilted her head to the side and studied me. "The guy is in love with you, Reyna."
I scoffed. "Right. That's why he's going to sign the divorce papers."
She rolled her eyes. "That's because he thinks that's what you want. That's what you told him you wanted."
I scanned the conversation with James in my mind and had to admit that when he asked me if that's what I wanted, I agreed that it was. But that was because I didn't want to go on pretending to be in a happy marriage. I wanted the real thing or nothing.
"When he asked you if you meant it when you told him you loved him, he was feeling things out. Guys, for all their talk about courage, are the biggest cowards when it comes to their feelings. If you told him that you still loved him, then he probably would've groveled. He might've even been brave enough to tell you that he loved you too, even though it's so clearly written on his face."
"It is?" Why hadn’t I seen that? Mostly, I’d seen a man who was confused.
“You’re so busy trying to protect your heart now that you don't see what is clear as day. "
"Okay. Enlighten me."
She laughed like I was being silly. "The guy was at a board meeting where he was probably going to get fired, but he stood up to them and then he resigned. He told you he didn't want that anymore. And then he came here to see you."