Caroline’s heart fluttered, every vein throbbing throughout her body. “Y-you are?”
“Honestly,” Hannah whispered against Caroline’s lips. “I think I’m already there.”
Caroline really needed tonotget carried away right now. Hannah was giving her something she’d always wanted, but could it be absolutely true? God, she hoped so.
And then those blue eyes shone with a love that left Caroline breathless. “H-Hannah?”
“Yes?”
“We should tell Edie.”
Chapter21
Two weeks later…
Caroline lowered herself to the couch, picking up her coffee and wrapping her hands around it. They’d discussed telling Edie about them, and two weeks on, neither had made the next move. So this evening, while Edie was at her dad’s, Caroline wanted to be open and honest with Hannah. She wanted no secrets, nothing surprising to creep up on them when they least expected it, and then they could make a final decision on when they would tell Edie. It was becoming increasingly clear to Caroline that she couldn’t wait much longer. Avoiding one another throughout the week was torture.
“Hannah?”
Hannah poked her head around the door. “Yeah?”
“Come and sit with me for a few minutes. We’ll clear away dinner together in a while.”
Hannah’s brows drew together, that familiar unease present as she slowly made her way towards the couch. “What’s up?”
“I want to tell you about my past,” Caroline said, studying Hannah’s face. She didn’t need it to become an issue, so if they could get it all out in the open, that was step one completed. “If you wouldn’t mind listening…”
“Honestly, I was hoping you’d feel comfortable enough to tell me one day.” Hannah took Caroline’s hand, shifting closer. “So, yes. Of course I’ll listen.”
Caroline smiled, staring down at her coffee. While she wanted to be open, she didn’t want to come across as weak. Because before Naomi, she wasn’t weak. She was strong and full of life. “Just…promise me you won’t run.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Caz. Well, only to bed with you, but I don’t think that’s what you’re getting at right now.”
Caroline couldn’t help the grin she wore. Hannah always said things that would ease Caroline’s racing mind. Inappropriate or not, Caroline loved that about her girlfriend. “I’m sure we can figure that part out later.”
Hannah made herself comfortable, lifting Caroline’s legs over her thighs, her undivided attention now firmly on Caroline. “Talk to me, Caz. I don’t ever want you to feel as though you can’t.”
“I think you’re the only one I feel completely comfortable talking with. Even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Which I’m sorry about.”
Hannah lifted a shoulder, toying with Caroline’s fingers. “I knew you’d come to me when you were ready to. It’s why I’ve never pushed to know anything other than what you tell me.”
“I…met Naomi seventeen years ago. It was during a night out. We connected right away, but something always felt a little off about her. She was overly confident, some may say conceited, but I liked that confidence in a woman. I guess I chose to see what I wanted to see, and even though friends told me to be careful…to take it slowly, Naomi just had this pull. Looking back, I knew it was just a case of me wanting to find love. To settle down. I’d just turned thirty, and all my friends were happy, engaged, some even pregnant with their second child. But I was…stuck. I had my job, but it wasn’t enough.”
Hannah nodded. “I get that.”
“At first, I thought it was all rainbows and sunshine. Yes, Naomi liked to do her own thing, she lived life on her terms, but I didn’t mind that. When she told me she was going out with friends, but I wasn’t invited, I wasn’t particularly bothered. I’d been working all week, so a night in was what I preferred a lot of the time. Again, my friends told me to watch my back. Some people had seen her out in town with other women, but Naomi always reassured me if I questioned it. It got to the point where I stopped questioning it because she made me feel awful whenever I did. That I was insecure and needy. She threatened to leave if I questioned her trust again.”
“Mm. I know how that feels. But our gut is always right, isn’t it?”
“Usually, yes.” Caroline smiled weakly. “Once we got married, five years later, everything changed. She went out of her way to say nasty things, and most mornings, I didn’t know what kind of Naomi I was going to get. On the rare occasion she was nice to me, it made me wonder why. You know, had she done something she shouldn’t have and felt guilty about it?” Hannah nodded, squeezing Caroline’s hand. “But I didn’t have the energy in me to fight about it. So, I’d just go along with whatever mood she was in. There were times when we went five days without a single conversation. She’d fly off the handle about something, but I’d find myself apologising. And then she’d give me the silent treatment, slamming doors and whatnot. God, I’d sit in the living room alone, wondering what the hell I’d done. And when I couldn’t think of anything, I thought I was losing my mind. Because, for the way she treated me, I must have done something wrong.”
“Was it ever physical?” Hannah asked, her voice shaking.
“No. But sometimes, I wonder if that would have been easier. Because at least then, I’d have known where I stood. If she’d ever lay a hand on me, I’d have walked away. That moment…I’d have packed my things and left. But the mind games…I never knew if I was coming or going. And the way she used to look at me,” Caroline paused, a shiver travelling through her. “She used to look at me with so much disgust that I wondered if she wished I wasn’t breathing. And if I asked her why she was in a bad mood, she’d tell me I’d caused her mood. Dinner had been terrible, or the house was a mess, or the dishes hadn’t been put away. She used to tell me that she worked her arse off and the least I could do was keep our home in shape. But I worked just as hard, Hannah. Some days I didn’t get home until after five in the evening.”
“Hey, you don’t have to tell me how hard you work. I know just how much you do…”
“I’ll always remember one night. Naomi had come home one day and said that we’d been invited to a charity event through her firm. For the next few days, she was so excited…and she included me in all of her plans. She took me out, bought me a gorgeous ball gown, and I’d booked my hair and nails. It was the first time in months that she’d shown me any interest whatsoever, so you can imagine how delighted I was to be invited to something so swanky.”