I’ve never felt this way. The things I’m feeling, they’re bigger than I know what to do with.
Sam will understand. Eventually. Right? I don’t know what else to do. I have to tell her the next time I see her and hope she forgives me someday. I love her like a sister and I would do anything for her. Just not this. I won’t walk away from a chance at real true love for her. I can’t.
56
***Barrett***
Icouldn’trememberatime I’d ever been so angry at my daughter. I’d never once been ashamed of her or anything she’d done. I was always proud of her, even when she shut me out and treated me like shit because of the things her mom told her. I’d never looked at her and not known what to say because everything I wanted to say was fucking horrible.
Samantha sat on Holden’s couch with Mike holding her while she sobbed. She looked like she hadn’t stopped crying since she’d woken up and realized what she’d done in a drunken rage. I couldn’t find it in me to want to comfort her in that moment. I loved her enough to give my life for her, but right then, I wanted to shake her.
“I’m sorry, Dad. I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to do it. I was just angry and drunk and when I read everything, I reacted. I would never do that to her on purpose. I don’t know what to do to make it right. How can I make it right?”
I paced away from her and moved to stand next to Dominic at the island. “Anything?”
He narrowed his eyes at Samantha and then looked up at me. “Not a fucking thing. Her phone is here. Her car is at my house. Her fucking father will be here any minute to try to help.”
The sound of a plate shattering was followed by Holden driving his fist into his steel cabinet door. He turned on me and looked ready to fight the devil. “You hurt her. Why didn’t you tell Maggie to fuck off last night? She was throwing herself at you and you just sat there like a goddamn clown.”
Samantha, hearing her mom being talked about, stood up and decided that facing off with Holden while he was as unhinged as I’ve ever seen him was a good idea. “Leave my mom out of this! She’s not the bad guy here. She was just being nice, even after everything Dad did to her.”
“Jesus Christ, Samantha, you’re an adult now! The only thing Barrett did to your mother was try to love her, even when she couldn’t manage to keep your teacher’s dick out of her mouth!” Holden jabbed his finger at me again. “You should’ve set that shit straight a long time ago.”
“Don’t yell at my daughter, Holden.” I balled my fists at my sides and glared at him.
“I don’t give two flying fucks about yelling at your daughter right now, Barrett. She just publicly shamed the woman I love on a grand fucking scale. So, let me say it again. I’ll yell at who I want to yell at. Maybe you should try it.”
Samantha raised her voice. “What is he talking about, Dad?”
I registered the door chime sounding and then the sound of skin hitting skin. I looked back to see Dominic holding his face while Bill Sawyer held his fist and winced.
“That’s for fucking my daughter, you sonofabitch.” Bill lifted his fist like he was going to try to hit Dom again. “And this is for ruining her life with this shit!”
I swore as I watched Dominic let Bill hit him again. Before I could move, Holden was across the house, landing a solid punch to Bill’s face that knocked the man down. Dominic grabbed Holden and held him back while Bill staggered to his feet.
It was Mike who brought the chaos to an end. “That’s enough! You’re all in your forties, for god’s sake. What do you think this is going to do?”
Samantha’s cries grew louder again as she was faced with Sugar’s dad. Mike gathered her in his arms and sent me a look. Any other time and I would’ve been damn proud of the man my kid had chosen to marry, for the way he was willing to call me out for being shitty to my daughter. As it was, I was frustrated beyond all belief to have to stop the search for Sugar to comfort Sam.
“Samantha, I love you. I will always love you. We need to find Sugar and then you and I will have a long talk. Okay?” When she nodded, I pulled her in for a rough hug and then ruffled her hair before pulling away. “Instead of trying to apologize right now, how about you think of a way we can find Sugar?”
Across the room, I heard Bill raise his voice. “My mom’s gone, too. They’re together, I’m sure of it. It doesn’t make me feel any better. A young woman and a senile old lady alone while sick people are leaving comments about wanting to have a turn at her, too? People are leaving death threats!”
Dominic, holding an ice pack to his eye, pulled his laptop over. “What’s your mom’s number?”
Holden paced like a caged lion and then stormed out of the house, slamming the door so hard the windows rattled. A second later, a hoarse shout made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.
Samantha’s cries grew louder and I met Dominic’s gaze with a chill running down my spine. We had to get Sugar home. She’d cracked open something deep inside Holden that would destroy him if she wasn’t there to sooth it.
My own chest felt like it was caving in as I thought of the way Sugar had looked at me the night before. That couldn’t be the end.
“My wife isn’t talking to me.” Bill’s voice was quiet. “I wish I could distance myself from me, too. The way I spoke to her was no better than those people online. I hurt her when I’m supposed to be the person who loves her most in the world. I kicked her out of the house. And now she’s out there while news sites plaster her face next to pictures of her journal entries and blurred porn images, suggesting it’s her. She’s being called names that I just…if something happens to her, I’ll never forgive myself.”
Dominic slammed his fist down on the counter. “Nothing is going to happen to her.”
57
***SJ***