She looked up at me with wide eyes. “Really?”
I pointed to a house down the street that was barely standing. I had no interest in getting closer than we were. “The house with the roof caved in? That’s where we lived on and off until I was ten.”
“Where’d you live after that?”
I licked my suddenly dry lips and motioned for her to walk toward the front door. “Around. In the back of whatever kitchen I was working in, until I’d get caught. Sometimes, a chef would take pity on me and let me sleep on his couch until his wife got sick of the stray kid hanging around.”
“Where were the people who were supposed to be taking care of you?”
The anger in Sugar’s voice was almost a soothing balm over some of my old wounds. She cared about me. I knew I had Barrett and Dominic and I’d never be alone again, but knowing that Sugar felt protective over me eased an ache I hadn’t even realized was still there.
I pulled her into my chest and kissed her softly, wanting to tell her what I was feeling while not having a clue what to say. She wrapped her arms around my waist and, despite having had a horrible day, she gave herself to me, letting me take what I needed.
When I managed to pull back from her embrace, I met her soft gaze and stroked my hand down her face. “I never saw anything good about relationships growing up. My biological parents were raging drunks who fought and made up daily, until they got into a physical fight driving home one night. After the crash killed them, I was with my grandma. She moved us to America to chase after her married boyfriend. She kept the two of us here, barely fed and suffering, each time he went home to his wife. She’d cry for weeks and didn’t take care of anything.
“I started working in this kitchen as soon as I was tall enough to touch the counters. The family who ran it at the time knew what was happening and they fed me when they could. Grandma chased after that man when I was ten and would come back every so often, but when she left, the owner of the house kicked me out. He could keep a family there for a few bucks instead of doing charity work for some kid he didn’t care about.”
“That’s terrible, Holden. You deserved a million times better than that. Those kinds of relationships are a sickness.”
“I thought they all were. Barrett’s marriage was trash. Dominic’s was a business deal that went bad. I had no interest in doing something like that to myself. The idea of opening myself up for that sort of sickness wasn’t something I was even willing to try.” I ran my thumb over her lips. “Until you. Until now.”
Her breathing quickened and she leaned into me. “All in, Holden. Not just for Barrett and Dominic. Foryou. Withyou.”
I released a shuddering breath that blew her bangs across her forehead. “I feel like a fucking child. I can fuck you in fifty different ways and have you coming for days, but holding your hand makes my heart race.”
She smiled then, and it was the most brilliant smile I’d ever seen. She beamed as she went up on her toes and brushed her nose against mine. Her fingers entwined with mine while she searched my face.
“I’ve got to tell you, Holden, for a novice, you put every boyfriend I’ve ever had to shame. You’re open with me. Sharing this with me means so much. You talk to me. You’re already a better boyfriend than probably every guy within a thousand-mile radius.”
“Is that what I am, Sugar? Your boyfriend?”
Her eyes widened and she stammered while trying to answer. “I-I…w-we just—”
I kissed her again, taking my time, to show her just how okay I was with being hers. It was just the wordboyI took issue with.
51
***SJ***
Iwasdeepinthe back of Barrett’s closet, trying to find a certain shirt of his that I wanted to surprise him by wearing that night, when I heard the front door open. I stumbled over a pair of discarded running shoes and nearly rammed my face into his tower of baseball hats.
I knew that Barrett was in a meeting at the office for another hour. It wasn’t his housekeeper’s day to stop by. The only options for who’d just walked in were burglar or Sam. I hesitated for a moment, considering which I’d prefer.
“Hello? Anyone home?” Sam’s voice filled the house and I cursed. “Hello? Who’s there?”
I looked around the room and panicked. I had to have a reason to be in her dad’s house. Darting back into the closet, I grabbed a suit and draped it over my arm before walking out, straight into Sam. I screamed, my adrenaline pumping at the thought of being caught.
“SJ? What are you doing here?” Sam clutched her chest and pushed me, the reaction she always had to being startled. “Jesus. You gave me a fucking heart attack!”
“Igaveyoua heart attack? I think I just peed on myself.” I tried to right myself and keep my face from glowing bright red.
“What are you doing here, though? I came to grab something from the stuff I have stored in Dad’s basement and then I was going to come see you at work.”
I swallowed and tried to act normal. “Your dad needed a different suit for some reason. I had to run home anyway, so I offered to get it.”
“Why does he need a different suit?” Sam frowned and glanced behind me. “Why are you being weird?”
“I’m not being weird. This is me coming down from thinking I was about to die. And I have no clue why he needs a new suit. Maybe someone showed up today in the same one he has on. Such a fashion faux pas.” I laughed at my own joke awkwardly and then rubbed my forehead. “I also have a splitting headache. Maybe that’s why I seem weird. I don’t know.”