The phone rang until I was walking in the front door of the house, but my heart didn’t slow any because waiting on the other side of the door was Reba. She looked me over and frowned. As much as she could with all the injections she’d had, anyway.
“SJ?”
I stopped at the sound of concern in her voice and swallowed. There were rare moments when she showed me her humanity, a side of her that wasn’t the cold stepmother, but I knew if she flexed those muscles in that moment I’d crumble. I didn’t think blubbering my secrets to her would be a good idea in a moment of weakness, so I hurried past her.
“Sorry, Reba. I have to get ready. I’m going out with an old high school friend in a little while. I shouldn’t be out too late, though.”
She stayed silent when I jogged up the steps and disappeared into my room and I was thankful for it. It would’ve been nice to speak to someone about what I was doing and maybe have them tell me I wasn’t a monster, but I didn’t think Reba would be the one to reassure me.
I turned on the hot water in my shower and stripped down in front of my bathroom mirror. Staring at myself, I could see the marks from Barrett. I could see more from Holden. My heart hammered as I ran my fingers over them and a rush of arousal flamed to life.
Groaning, I turned the water to cold and stepped under it. I gritted my teeth, but I didn’t adjust the temperature. I had to fucking cool off and get some semblance of calm back to myself. Even though a cold shower felt pitifully inadequate against the powers of Barrett, Dominic, and Holden, I still had to try.
35
***SJ***
“What’dyouthink?”Logandrove his SUV back into Dad’s neighborhood after I waved at the guard manning the gated entrance. “About the movie, I mean. I know what you thought about the food.”
I leaned my head back against the headrest and smiled. “It was funny. Dumb, but funny. I needed something like that.”
“Dumb?” he exclaimed while laughing. “No! It was so good. I thought that about the food too, though.”
I tapped my phone against my leg, the reminder of the notes I’d taken sending a jolt of energy through my tired body. “It wasn’t that it wasn’t good. I really enjoyed my dinner. There’s just something else to it, to the experience of dining, that the place was missing. I don’t know. Let me write about it and I’ll send it to you.”
“No, I think I’ll just keep enjoying my food the same way I do now, thanks. I don’t need your voice in my head, telling me all the ways it’s not good.” He grinned and pulled to a stop in my driveway. “I’m joking. I could probably use some help. If I was pickier about the places I ate, I wouldn’t have ended up with food poisoning twice last year.”
I looked up at the house and saw Reba standing in the living room windows, glancing out at us. Sighing, I rubbed my temples. “I still don’t understand how that happened.”
Logan followed my gaze before getting out and meeting me on my side. “Let’s take a walk. This neighborhood has always been one of my favorite places. The trails are great.”
I nodded. “That’s a good idea. I’m not ready to go inside just yet. Something about moving back home has made everything so strange. Dad is more concerned about me, Reba is hovering. It’s like they think I’m minutes from a breakdown.”
I wrapped my arms around myself and we both stayed silent until we were down the driveway and on the sidewalk that led away from the houses of the men. I thought about the potential of a breakdown and shook my head to myself. I wasn’t at that place. I felt strong and healthy, just also like an asshole. It was a strange development.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Logan motioned toward a trail that ran down by a lake if you walked far enough. “You’re making a face that matches one I made during my food poisoning episode.”
I snorted and laughed, happily surprised by how easy it seemed to hang out with Logan as friends when he wasn’t oddly apologizing for things I didn’t want to talk about. “Gross. I was just thinking…I don’t know. I wouldn’t even know how to describe what I’m thinking.”
“Is the breakdown looming closer?”
I grinned and shook my head. “No. Thankfully. At least, not that I’m aware of. I just started the new job and I’m thinking a lot about it. I’m thinking a lot about moving out of Dad’s house as soon as possible. I’m even thinking about my grandma’s seemingly very active love life. There’s a lot of stuff happening up here in this head.”
“Seems that way. I’m a good listener.” He grunted. “Now. I wasn’t always, I know. I have changed, though, SJ. I’m not the guy you used to know.”
I frowned as a nagging feeling tugged at the back of my brain. “I believe you. I had a fun time with you tonight and that’s more than I can say for when we used to hang out. You were the friend I needed tonight and I appreciate that.”
He slowed to a stop and looked down at me. “I liked being there for you.”
More red flags blazed inside my head. We were stopped in the middle of a section of the trail hidden in tree coverage. With just the light of the moon filtering in, it was dark, and the feeling of being all alone in the middle of nowhere with Logan was strong.
I purposefully took a step back toward the way we’d come and dropped my hands to my side. “It’s been nice reconnecting as friends, Logan. I’ve needed more friends for a long time.”
With the speed of the athlete he’d been, he moved forward and grabbed my face before kissing me. I immediately braced my hands against his chest and pushed him away. Somehow, he’d run his tongue over my lips and I tried to hide the cringe I felt at the sensation.
“No, Logan. I saidfriend.”
He knocked my hands away from his chest and grabbed for my face again. “Let me be there for you, SJ.”