Her love of food mixed so perfectly with her witty voice to make something I’d never seen in the food critic world. It was classy, while still down-to-earth. It was brutal at times, but in the absolute kindest way. She wrote stories about her life and experiences that stopped me dead in my tracks when I’d first started reading. What had been planned as a remotely productive day had turned into me sitting on my couch without moving.
I dialed Dom’s number and waited for him to answer with my face still buried into my iPad. I’d learned a lot about Sugar in her blog and I was already making mental notes to suggest certain details she remove to make sure no one else could find her. Her safety mattered, even if she never spoke to me again.
“Yeah?” Dom’s voice echoed the way it did when he answered his phone in his bare office with the walls of glass windows.
“I thought you were going to work from home?”
“That didn’t happen.”
I overlooked his dark mood, as I did most days, and jumped straight into what I wanted. “Her blog is fucking gold, Dom. I started reading through it earlier, thinking I’d just get an email for her, but then I got sucked in. I just got off my couch for the first time in hours and I am floored by the talent she has. She downplayed her work so much that I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it’s brilliant. I think she should work for us.”
Dom immediately went into CEO mode. “We are not hiring the woman we’re fucking. Are we fucking her, by the way? Have you spoken to her?”
“Not yet. I figured submitting an email through her blog enquiring about our sexual relationship might be considered strange. Also, sex through email makes me feel too fucking old.”
“She lives down the street.” Dom hesitated, like he was waiting for me to volunteer to stroll on down to her house. When I remained silent, he sighed. “Yeah, that’s a dumb fucking idea.”
“Yeah. And I can’t exactly ask Samantha what her best friend’s number is.” I did my own hesitation. “Unless I told her I was offering Sugar a job.”
“Barr. No. Not going to happen. You want Susan from HR climbing up our assholes for something this serious? Hiring someone on the company payroll for our personal fun times is a really fucking stupid idea.”
I groaned. “Just shut up and listen to this.”
He grunted but thankfully remained quiet.
“She went to that little pub just outside of the neighborhood. You know, the one that Holden has a grudge against because the chef once bumped into him or something?” I didn’t wait on him to answer. “She’s brilliant, Dominic.”
I read him one of my favorite parts with growing excitement.
The dark and closed-in booths would’ve been romantic if I wasn’t sandwiched between my father and his wife. His wife, the same woman who once suggested I eat a salad because the clothing from my high school closet didn’t fit over my hips. I didn’t order the salad. I ordered the shepherd’s pie and I ate it with the biggest pitcher of beer Sal could wheel over to our booth. Sal was my best friend that night. Aren’t the bartenders always, though?
While my stepmom picked at a salad to still squeeze into her class of whatever’s t-shirt, I dug in to succulent lamb, fluffy mashed potatoes, and the best fucking vegetables I’ve ever put in my mouth. As you’re aware, I don’t typically curse here. But these vegetables? Fucking worth every comment I’ll get from someone saying their kid is reading this and how inappropriate I am. The beer was on tap and it tasted like it was poured from god’s teat. Her cold, perfectly foamy teat.
I got a little teary-eyed when I finished my last bite and it wasn’t even because my dad had started hinting to my stepmom that their night “wasn’t over”. I wanted to throw my body over the bar, fight my way into the kitchen, and kiss the mouth of the chef who’d touched me in a way that most lovers never had before. I wanted to move into Sal’s cubbyhole behind the bar and hide from life while being fed shepherd’s pie and growing so large that my high school closet wouldn’t even fit me, much less the clothing.
Unfortunately, by the time I finished that pitcher of beer and suggested that Sal put me in his pocket, my stepmom was just embarrassed enough to cut her eyes at my dad in a way that said his night would be ending if he didn’t put his lush of a daughter away as fast as possible. Fine. It was fine. I’d just go home and live to love another day. That day might not ever come, however, because when I woke up the next morning I had a message on my phone from a number I didn’t recognize. Apparently, your favorite idiot slipped a love letter to the chef last night.
Judging by the text I received, I was explicit in how I stated my love. Or maybe he’s just a passionate guy. Either way, he and his wife would like me to stay away from their restaurant.
If you see me wearing a fake beard and a trench coat outside of Bernie’s, keep your mouth shut. I’m willing to do a lot for that shepherd’s pie. According to Bernie’s wife, that says a lot about my character as a woman. According to my stepmom, it says a lot about my hips. According to me, the foodie with a potential harassment charge? It says a lot about the food and beer at Bernie’s. Check it out. Just don’t check Patty’s husband out.
Dom remained silent for a few seconds after I finished reading and then I realized he was laughing. I joined in and felt my hands tingle with the closeness of marketing magic.
“We hire her to run the socials for us. She can advertise her blog, do whatever she wants, but I have a feeling, Dom.”
After another few seconds of true silence, he swore. “I hate your fucking feelings. There’s always something there. Fine. Figure it out. Offer her the job. There’s a good chance she’ll be off-limits if we bring her on, Barr.”
I shook my head, disagreeing with him even as I let him think he might be right. We’d work around HR. “I can’t wait to send this to Holden. He’s going to shit a brick.”
“And then become obsessed with feeding her a better shepherd’s pie.” Dom’s grin was clear in his voice. “It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to see him bent out of shape. Let me know when you’re sending it to him. I want to see him read it.”
“There’s something wrong with you.”
“Yeah, I’m aware. Now fuck off and let me work.”
Before I could say anything else, he’d hung up. I scrolled through a few more pages of Sugar’s blog and typed out a message to Dom, suggesting he jump off a small cliff for hanging up on me. Then I sent the blog post to Holden without telling Dom. Served him right.
I picked up my phone and looked up the number for Sara, the busiest body at the HOA. It would take me no time at all to get access to Sugar.