“Sweet. Love you.”He hangs up. I drop the phone onto my stomach and lie there, staring up at the ceiling.
I’m such a loser.
* * *
I spend most of Thursday morning working out a new routine for Cami. Since Sebastian apparently can’t handle mess, the activities we can do together are quite limited. During tummy time, I lay out a mat in the middle of the floor, then we both sit and survey her toy boxes.
“What do you fancy today?” I ask Cami, bouncing her on my knee. “Remember, nothing messy.”
She reaches for the blocks, flopping over in my lap. She loved playing with them the other day. We built a whole city, and then I held her up while she stomped through it, sending all of the soft cubes flying like some kind of baby Godzilla. I don’t think I’ve seen her laugh so much since I’ve met her. It was so relieving to see her let loose and have some real fun. It was a milestone: it meant, despite her complete shift in environment, that she now felt safe enough here to relax completely.
But of course, her dad didn’t see it like that. All he saw was the mess in his way, and the disruption to his work. I do feel bad that he tripped, but he came running out of his room without looking where he was going. What did he expect?
Honestly, if he was any other parent, I would probably just play normally and make sure that the clutter was cleaned up before he got home. But I’m worried. Since he got Cami, I haven’t seen Seb make one move to touch her of his own initiative. I’m so scared he’ll get mad and decide to send her away.
Cami babbles, grabbing at the pink cubes, and I sigh, shaking my head. “Nope,” I tell her cheerfully, reaching for a big light-up ball. “If you dad comes out of his room and sees you playing with those again, he’ll probably fire me.”
Cami’s face crumples. My heart hurts. I pull her up to my chest and smush her against me. “Don’t cry, baby. You’ve got lots of toys to play with. Look!” I show her a rattle, shaking it around.
She reaches for the blocks again, and I sigh, moving them out of sight. “We can’t, honey. Some other time.”
She doesn’t like this, and we spend most of tummy time with her being incredibly fussy, crying and smacking the crinkly play mat with her hands. Eventually, I just give up and heft her back up into my arms. “Maybe you just need a nap,” I mutter. I pop her down in her cot, then pick up the room and get to work on the dishes, cleaning up the remnants of her lunch. I’ve just settled down with a cup of tea when Jack emerges from his room, rubbing his eyes. He smiles at me weakly. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I say, suddenly nervous. “Um. Kettle’s boiled, if you want some.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” He makes his own cup, then stands awkwardly by the couch. “Can I join you?”
“It’s your sofa.”
He nods and sits down. I steel myself. Now is the perfect moment. I need to come clean and apologise. I take a deep breath.
“I’m sorry,” we both say simultaneously.
He frowns. “Wait, what? What areyousorry for?”
I bite my lip. “For avoiding you yesterday. For not speaking to you after… what happened in the coffee shop. It was immature.”
He shakes his head fiercely. “You have nothing to apologise for. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have kissed you.” He grimaces. “I can get stuck in my head sometimes. I’m not always the best at reading other people. So if I read any signals wrong, I am so, so sorry. It’ll never happen again. I—”
“I have a crush on you, too,” I blurt out, cutting him off.
I don’t plan on saying it. The words just fall out of my mouth without approval from my brain. I snap my jaw shut as he stares at me, his blue eyes wide.
“I’m sorry,what?”
I set down my mug. My heart is beating so fast I can feel my pulse in my skin. “You don’t need to apologise, Jack. And you didn’t misread any signals. I really, really like you. I’ve, um, fancied you for a long time as well, if we’re being honest.”
He looks at me like he can’t believe a word I’m saying. “But you seemed so upset yesterday.”
“Yeah. It was nothing to do with you, though. I promise.” I twist my fingers together. “I’m sorry I ran away. I just freaked out, I guess. I don’t really do relationships.”
“It was just a kiss,” he says softly. “I didn’t mean to pressure you into anything serious. I swear, I wasn’t trying to trick you into a date by taking you to the cafe and paying for your drink. Shit, I guess it kind of looked like that, huh?”
I shake my head. “I overreacted. You have nothing to be sorry for. I actually,” I swallow down my pride, embarrassment flooding through me. “I really enjoyed the kiss. You know. Before I ran away.”
He blinks, surprised. “You did?”
My cheeks flush. “Yeah.”