“What’s going on with you? Why are you moving out? Or maybe you should start withwhy the Hellyou’ve been ignoring our calls?” She doesn’t say anything, nuzzling Cami’s pigtail.
Seb huffs. “Do you have any idea how worried we were? We thought something had happened to you! You can’t just cut contact with us out of nowhere! For all we knew, you could’ve gotten sick! Or died! You could’ve been hit by a car! Someone could have broken into your shitty flat!”
“Seb,” I start, but the man shakes his head, his eyes wild.
“No, it’s not okay. You scared theshitout of us. How the Hell could you see the messages we were sending you and not want to respond? Do you really care about us that little?”
“I didn’t mean to,” she says. “I’m sorry. I lost my phone.”
I pull the mobile out of my back pocket, setting it carefully on the coffee table. “It was on your counter,” I say quietly. She stares at it, eyes shimmering. Seb’s face darkens with fury.
“On yourcounter,” he repeats. “Where were you looking, your fridge? Your toilet bowl? Or were you justignoring us—”
“Shut up!” She bursts out. “Just… please. Shut up. I can’t think with you shouting at me.”
Seb goes silent. We all watch as Beth sits heavily down on the sofa, pressing a kiss to Cami’s head. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly. “I never meant to scare you guys. This is the last thing I wanted.”
I decide to start from the beginning. “Something happened,” I hedge, sitting next to her. “You sounded upset in the voice message you sent us.”
She nods, taking a deep breath. “I… I went to the doctor,” she starts.
Cyrus stiffens. “Are you okay? Are you sick?”
She shakes her head. “I’m fine. But I missed my period, and I thought—”
Seb spins to face her. “Are youpregnant?”He demands.
“No,” she snaps out. “I’m not.”
“Oh.” His shoulders relax. “What is it, then?”
She opens her mouth. Closes it again. Shakes her head. I watch in horror as tears start spilling down over her cheeks and soaking into Cami’s soft hair. Cyrus, Seb and I share a look.
“Wereyou pregnant?” I guess. “Did something happen? Did you lose the baby? Or did you—”
“I was never pregnant,” she half-shouts, effectively shutting me up. Cami stares up at her, wide-eyed, then starts to cry loudly. Beth’s face crumples.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbles, pulling Cami closer to her chest. More tears streak down her face. “God, I’m so sorry, please don’t cry.” She rubs her cheek against Cami’s head, pressing a kiss into her curls. “Please, please don’t cry.”
Cami just wails louder, her hands curling into tiny fists.
Beth takes a breath, staring at the baby in her lap—and then just completely breaks down.
Sixty-Six
Beth
Once I start crying, I just can’t stop. Ican’t. I’ve been in so much pain for the last week, and now I finally have the chance to tell somebody, I’m so choked up with emotions that I can’t actually get the words out.
The guys try to help. Jack brings me tissues and water. Cyrus squishes up on the sofa next to me and holds me, his head tipped on my shoulder. Sebastian takes Cami off me, jogging her until she calms down. His face is like a mask.
Eventually, I manage to pull myself together enough to speak. In sputtery, sobbing spurts, I tell them what the doctor said and watch their faces fall.
“Oh, God, Beth,” Jack mutters, pressing his lips to my hair. “Fuck. I’m so, so sorry.”
Cyrus looks heartbroken. He doesn’t say anything; just puts his head in my lap, burying his face in my stomach. My hands automatically go into his hair, threading through the shiny strands.
“It’s just—” I take a shuddery breath. “Um, it’s been a lot to deal with? And now I’m on hormone pills, and I think they’re making me loopy. And I feel like I’ve lost… everything. A whole future I built up for myself in my head. I don’t know where I want my life to go, anymore.” I bite my lip, looking up at Cami. She’s watching me and frowning, her little pink lips pursed as she clings to her dad’s neck. Pain echoes through me. I love nannying, but I just don’t know if I’ll be able to do it anymore. It’ll probably slowly kill me inside, looking after all of those children, but only ever being an employee to them. The thought makes my insides shrivel.