Her eyes fill with guilt, and she looks away for a moment. “I just…”
“You need to leave,” I repeat, my tone softer now.
She looks contrite and nods before she turns to Raven, who is staring at the wall, her body tense. “Rave, I’m sorry. You know what I’m like, right? I let my emotions get the best of me, and I was jealous. I know you two wouldn’t do that to me, but I just couldn’t see clearly. I’m sorry, Rave.”
Raven nods, but doesn’t look at her sister. Hannah glances at me apologetically, and I shake my head, silently pleading with her to just leave. She sighs and walks away, the sound of the door slamming closed following shortly after.
“Raven,” I murmur. “I’m sorry. She shouldn’t have said all that. I think she’s just been having a hard time with everything that’s going on. You know her heart is in the right place, right? She’s just hurting and lashing out.”
Raven looks up at me, and my heart fucking shatters when I see the tears in her eyes. Raven rarely cries. I can count the times I’ve seen her cry on one hand. It’s Hannah who bursts into tears over the smallest matter, but never Raven. A tear drops down her cheek, and my heart clenches painfully.
“Don’t,” she says, her voice trembling. “Don’t defend her like that, Ares. It kills me when you do that, can’t you see? You keep promising me that you’ll give me your all, yet you run out at the sound of her voice.” She runs a hand through her hair, her eyes flashing. “And then you just stand there when she’s telling me that you’ll never be mine — not a single word of denial. How am I supposed to believe your words when your actions say otherwise? It isn’t her I’m concerned about. It’syou. You’re making me feel like a part of you truly does still love her, and I can’t stand it. The way you acted just now made me feel like you don’t truly care about me.”
I walk up to her and grab her shoulders, a sense of desperation washing over me. I’ve never felt such intense need to take away someone’s pain. “Raven, you know that I don’t love her.” I tighten my grip on her. “And of course I care about you. You meant the world to me before we even got married, Raven. You’ve always been one of my closest friends.”
She looks up sharply, her torment mixing with anger. “Did you see me as a friend when you fucked my face just now, Ares?”
“Fuck, Raven. You know that’s not what I meant.”
She pushes against me and walks away, pausing by the door. “You said you feel trapped in this marriage, but how do you think I feel? I was forced to marry someone I’ll never stand a chance with — someone who will never even be able to look at me without thinking of mysister. Have you ever stopped to think about what I might have wanted out of a marriage? I want happiness too, Ares. I can see now thatyouwill never give me that, no matter what I do. I’ll never be her. When given a choice between hurting either of us, it’s always me you’ll choose. I’ll never be your priority, not truly.”
She grits her teeth as another tear runs down her beautiful face, and then she walks out, the door falling closed behind her softly. Raven has always been a quiet storm, unexpected yet powerful, and despite what she might think, I never stood a chance against her.
ChapterForty-Three
Raven
* * *
“You haven’t been yourself today,” John says. “Your facial expressions were off during your shoot this morning. Are you sure you’re fine to walk this show?”
I nod as I play with the hem of my robe. All day, my thoughts have been on Ares’s words. Hearing him say that he felt trapped broke my heart. This situation isn’t ideal for either of us, but I thought that… I thought he started to have feelings for me, but now I’m not so sure.
When he took me to Castello Designs and then to Laurier, I thought that was progress for us. Now I’m wondering if Hannah was right, and he was only trying to do right by me. What Ares considers the right thing to do isn’t the same as what his heart desires.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, trying my best to clear my mind and knowing I won’t be able to. I’m filled with heartache, shame and regret. Each time I think of the way I measured his body, the outfits I’ve been wearing around the house… damn it. Maybe I should’ve believed him that day I sat in his lap, when he told me that he’d never truly want me. I can get his body to react to me, but he’ll never want me the way he wants Hannah. The memories of everything I’ve done and tried disgust me. I’ve never been this person. I’ve never forced my affection on anyone else, yet that’s exactly what I’ve been doing to Ares. Hope made me courageous to the point that I sacrificed my dignity, and what for?
“You’re not fine, Raven.” John places a hand on my shoulder and looks at me with genuine concern in his eyes. “Are you overwhelmed with work? Have I been scheduling too much in for you? Or is it something else… is it Windsor? He’s given us complete control over your schedule with just a few caveats, but you need to tell me if he’s pressuring you in private.”
I look into his eyes, unsure what to even say. It’s been a really long time since I wanted to rely on someone. The urge to ask him for a hug and cry until my heart stops aching nearly overwhelms me.
“I just didn’t sleep well,” I say eventually, dragging my gaze down as I undo the knot on my robe, letting it fall open. The designer should be in any minute now to dress me.
“Are you okay, Rave? I’m worried about you. Did Ares Windsor do something to you?”
I force a smile for him and shake my head. “We had an argument, but that’s all it was. I suppose that’s just what marriage is like, right? It can’t always be perfect.”
John starts to speak but is interrupted when the door opens. We both turn around, expecting the designer to walk in with the gown I’m supposed to wear, but instead, it’s Ares. He pauses when his eyes land on me, the bags underneath his eyes identical to mine.
Ares’s eyes trail down to my exposed chest, and pure rage settles in his eyes. He walks toward me and slips out of his jacket, his stride confident yet rushed. “Raven,” he says, my name sounding like a warning as he wraps his jacket around my shoulders and pulls me toward him.
He glances at John and grits his teeth. “Excuse us, please. I need a moment with my wife.”
John looks at me, and I nod. He hesitates for a moment, but then he walks away, the door falling closed behind him.
“Raven,” he repeats, his tone softer now. “What was that? Why are you… you’re half-naked in front ofhim. Is there something going on between you two?”
I look into his eyes, my heart heavy. I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember, yet even though I’m married to him, my sister is still standing between us. “Does it matter?”