I frown, unsure what she’s trying to say.
“I know he still loves me, and he always will, but he’s hurting so badly right now that he’s pushing me away. I think that, in part, it’s because he feels like he has to distance himself from me simply because he’s married now. I know he needs me, yet he refuses to let me in because it goes against his beliefs about marriage. I don’t want to see him hurting, Rave. I know he’s mad at me, and I know I caused a great deal of pain. I want to make up for it, but he won’t even take my calls.”
I entwine my fingers and squeeze tightly in an attempt to stay calm, even though my thoughts are racing.
“Please, Rave. Tell him to talk to me. I know my request sounds ridiculous, especially because your marriage isn’t real. You said it yourself, the two of you are just friends, and considering how much he loves me, it’ll never be more than that, but he just… he has such a strong sense of loyalty. Remind him that it’s misplaced.”
I stare at her for a moment as a wave of disappointment and sorrow washes over me. “You aren’t here to apologize for what you did to me, are you? You’re here because you need me to talk to Ares on your behalf.”
She crosses her arms and sighs. “Why can’t I be here to do both, Raven? I love both of you, and honestly, this is in your best interests, too. It can’t be easy for you to be caught between us. Don’t you want things to go back to how they used to be? I’m trying to relieve some of the pressure that this marriage has put on you. I can’t take away the countless social obligations you’ll have now, but I can be there to support you with everything else. With me to rely on, Ares won’t expect too much from you, and you won’t lose so much of your own life. After all, eventually, you’ll have to go back to it, won’t you? You know he doesn’t want you. He broke off your engagement to be with me five years ago, and it’s still me he wants.”
I look into her eyes, my heart breaking as I remember the pain I was put through five years ago. I can’t ever go back to how things used to be. My heart won’t survive seeing them together again. I can’t lose what I’ve got now.
“No,” I tell her, my voice soft. “I won’t talk to Ares for you. He’s not a child, and I’m not a mediator. Don’t ask me for more than I’ve already given you, Hannah, because there’s not much left of me to give.”
Her eyes widen in surprise, as though she didn’t expect me to deny her. I suppose I never have before. I’ve always given into anything she’s asked of me. Always.
But that ends today.
ChapterThirty-Five
Raven
* * *
I sigh as I walk into our home gym in the morning, exhausted and annoyed. Something about that conversation with Hannah didn’t sit well with me, and it’s ruined my mood ever since.
“Cupcake?”
I look up in surprise as Ares places the weight he was holding on the floor. He smiles at me and walks up to me, his expression searching. “Morning,” he says as he lifts his hand, his touch tender as he brushes the back of his hand over my face. “You came to bed so late last night. Did you sleep okay?”
I pull away from him a little, suddenly feeling guilty. My conversation with Hannah is so deeply embedded in my thoughts that I can’t outrun it.
With me to rely on, Ares won’t expect too much from you, and you won’t lose so much of your own life. After all, eventually, you’ll have to go back to it, won’t you?
I nod at him and force a smile. “Yeah, just had a lot of work to finish,” I murmur, lying to him.
I take a step away and walk over to my yoga mat, mindlessly working my way through my stretching routine. I’ve been so restless all night that I woke up with all kinds of aches.
I inhale deeply as I try my hardest to fight the resignation I feel. Ares won’t stay mad at Hannah forever. He never does. Throughout the years, he’s always forgiven her no matter what she did. He’ll eventually forgive her for leaving him at the altar too, and I don’t want to bear witness to it. I don’t want to be collateral damage in their story.
I lie back and lift my leg, trying to stretch my hamstrings. I’d been on such a high because of the progress in my relationship with Ares, yet one single conversation with Hannah made me feel guilty for every second I’ve enjoyed with him. She’ll never forgive me. If she finds out what happened between Ares and me, she’ll never speak to me again. My relationship with my sister might be rocky, but I don’t want to lose her. When she said that I was caught between Ares and her, she was right… just not in the way she thinks.
“Let me help you with that.”
Ares kneels in between my legs and moves his hand to my calf, pushing my leg back for me. I watch him for a moment, my heart squeezing painfully. The main reason I never made a move was because I knew that it’d cost me everything, and despite being married, that hasn’t changed.
Ares puts my leg over his shoulder and leans into me, his eyes on mine. “You’re quiet, Cupcake. Give me a moment of honesty, baby. What are you thinking?”
I place my other leg over his shoulder too, and he leans further forward, pushing my legs toward me. He’s so close… I could grab the collar of his t-shirt and kiss him with such ease.
“Hannah came to see me,” I tell him, my tone defeated. I look away and inhale shakily. “She wants to talk to you. She says you’ve been declining her calls.”
He clenches his jaw, a frown on his face. “Really now?” I nod, and Ares leans in a little further. “And what would you like me to do? Tell me the truth. What would you have me do, wife?”
I look into his eyes and breathe in deeply. “I don’t want your eyes on anyone but me. I want you to bemine.”
He smiles then, and I can’t help but smile in return, relief washing over me. For years, I’ve been scared to voice my needs, but he makes it so easy. “Give me another moment of honesty, baby. These stretches? Do you ever do them with any other men?”