I should fight it, when his mouth comes crashing down onto mine, but I don’t. I want it once more–the hot press of his lips, the slide of his tongue, the salt of our tears gathering in the cracks of my lips. I want it forever–and I can only have it once more, now.
When he pulls away, his hands lingering for a breath on my hips, I can see that this is tearing his heart out as surely as it is mine. But he still backs away, one step and then another, and another, until he’s at the door.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. And then, without another word, he steps out of the library, the door closing with a finalthudbehind him.
I sink down in front of the shelf, my hands pressed to my face. I don’t know how long I sit there like that, crying, tears dripping down my cheeks, my makeup streaked, and mascara everywhere. All thoughts of going to the party are gone–I couldn’t face watching Max go through with it. I’d thought I wanted him to have to look me in the eye, to know I was watching as he asked another woman to marry him, but now that the moment is here, I can’t bear it.
I try to think of my future, what lies ahead of me, and what I could do when I’m free of all of this and on my own again. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t picture it.
I can’t picture anything other than Max, and the look on his face when he pulled away from the kiss.
All I feel is heartbreak and hopelessness in ways that I never have before, and part of me never wants to leave this room.
I sit there until I hear, very faintly, cheers from the ballroom echoing through the house. A fresh sob bubbles from my lips, and I picture Max sliding the ring onto her finger, a question forming on his lips, and I slump against the shelves, ready to start crying in earnest all over again.
Until I hear the cheering turn to screaming–and a second later, a cracking noise that I don’t recognize for a moment…until I do.
Gunshots.