“I will keep you safe. I swear–I know I was angry outside, earlier, but I meant what I said about protecting you. I’ll do whatever I have to–even if–” I trail off, and I look up to see that Sasha’s eyes have glassed over again with tears.
“I guess I was wrong,” she says ruefully, her voice cracking a little. “Maybe I do need a protector after all.”
“As long as I’m alive, I’ll be that for you,” I tell her quietly, my hands wrapped around hers. “I swear, Sasha. I won’t leave you to fend for yourself. You’ll never have to do that again.”
“I believe you.” She tries to force a smile, but it falls apart, and she lets out a sudden small, shuddering gasp, slipping from the chair and into my arms.
I catch her, holding her on my lap as I lean against the chair, cradling her to my chest. “I’ve got you,” I say softly, brushing her hair away from her face. “I know this hasn’t been easy for you, Sasha–any of it. I know I’ve hurt you. But that’s never what I’ve wanted.”
I run my fingers through her hair, and Sasha looks up at me, her face soft as her lashes glitter with tears. “I meant it when I said that I love you, Sasha. I’ve broken every vow I made but one, and I’ll break the last one to keep you safe.”
“What do you mean?” She looks at me, blinking with confusion as she leans against my chest, and I let out a sigh.
“I’m going to do what needs to be done to take up my family name again. There’s an influence in it still, and powerful men that I can get help from, as the leader of the Agosti family. Viktor and I talked–and this is the best way.”
Sasha sits up a little straighter, her eyes widening. “Max–but–”
I shake my head, gently touching her lips with my fingertip. “I told you that I would stop anyone who tried to harm you, Sasha. I told you that I would protect you witheverythingI have, and I meant it. There’s no argument here.”
She tilts her head back, her eyes searching mine. “Does that mean–”
I hadn’t known my heart could hurt in the way it does at that moment, clenching so tightly in my chest that it takes my breath away. I can see the hope in her eyes, the thought clearly written there, and it takes everything in me not to tell her yes, yes to anything.
But I can’t lead her on, even if it hurts her now in order to not hurt her later.
“More than anything, Sasha, this means that wecan’t.”
I see the hope die in her eyes in that instant, and it cracks my heart in two, but I keep pushing forward with what needs to be said. “All that would do is put you even more in danger. Right now, no one knows you’re here that shouldn’t, except possibly Art. There’s nothing I can do about that now, but we can keep it under wraps as much as possible until this is handled. All that would do is point a glowing arrow to exactly where you are, for anyone who wants to hurt you.”
“Why would anyone have to know?” There’s a thin thread of desperation in her voice, as if she saw that thread of hope, and is desperate to grab onto it again. “We don’t have to tell anyone–”
“Sasha, I–” I swallow hard, unable to figure out how to explain this to her in a way that won’t crush her entirely. “If I’m going to take my place among the Families, there are things that might be–expected of me. That I might have to play along with for a while, at the very least. I can’t be attached to anyone, even in secret. Deception doesn’t play well in this world, if you’re asking for favors–and I will be asking for a great many.” I gently touch her cheek, and I see her eyes flutter closed, her breath hitching at the touch. “Please tell me you understand. This isn’t–this isn’t what I want. But I can’t leave you unprotected. This is what Viktor has asked me to do and what I know Ineedto do. If I don’t, we’ll be on our own, and if something happens to you because of that–”
I cup her face in my hand, leaning down to press my forehead against hers. “I have found a way to live with everything that has happened in my life so far, Sasha. But that, I couldn’t live with. Please don’t ask me to. Let me do what needs to be done to protect you.”
She takes a deep, shuddering breath, her hands coming up to clutch the front of my shirt, as if she can’t bear to let me go. Her chin tilts up, her lips brushing against mine, so sweet and soft that the pain of losing this forever tears through me like a hot knife, ripping me to shreds.
Once more. Just once.I hold her face in my hands, crushing her lips to mine, the salt on them, her tears and mine mingled together as I commit them to memory. I breathe her in, wanting to memorize her scent, her touch, her soft skin against mine, everything that I crave, everything that I need, everything that I love.
“I love you,” she whispers against my lips. “And I’m grateful for you, Max. And I–understand.”
She breaks away from the kiss, her hand coming up to touch her lips, her cheeks streaked with tears. “I just–I need some time. Please. Thank you–thank you–for telling me.”
I nod slowly, brushing my lips across her forehead as I stand, helping her up at the same time. The loss of her skin against mine makes me go cold, but I know what I have to do.
Every part of me wants to pick her up and tumble her into the bed, to strip her down to her skin and bury myself inside of her, but instead, I turn away.
I walk out of the room and leave her there.
18
MAX
It’s a matter of a few days to reach out and make the contacts that I need to. All of the information is at my fingertips, names and files and documents in my father’s office, and it’s quick work to make myself known to the men who matter. Within twenty-four hours, I have an invitation to a gala being thrown by Edo Casciani, one of the three head Families, and once a close personal friend of my father’s.
When I inform them, the satisfaction on Viktor’s face–and Levin’s and Luca’s–makes me seethe more than a little. The only balm is knowing why I’m truly doing this, that it’s for Sasha.
To keep her safe.