Seth shrugs like it doesn’t matter. “Seven, I think,” he says. “So you want to go?”
Matt sits up and nods. “If it’s okay with your aunt,” he says. Matt winks at me, like Seth can’t see him. Seth does, though, and shakes his head.
“Quit scamming on my aunt, man,” he warns.
“It’s not scamming. It’s…” He stops and looks at me. “Hell, I don’t know what it’s called.” He looks a little uncomfortable. He throws the ball into Seth’s chest, and Seth falls back on the floor, clutching his belly.
Joey walks up and sits down on Seth’s stomach, bouncing and laughing when he groans. “Why are you still up?” he asks. He looks at the clock. “It’s past your bedtime.”
He grabs her hands and stands up, tossing her over his shoulder. She squeals. He comes over to me and dangles her in front of my face. “Kiss Aunt Sky good night,” he says. She leans forward, takes my face in her hands, and kisses my cheek.
“’Night, Aunt Sky,” she says quietly.
Seth points to my lap. “I’ll be back in a second for that one,” he says.
“Actually, I’ll take her,” I say. I stand up and lift Mellie gently into my arms. She cuddles closer to me, and I realize she’s been sweating against me when the cold air hits where she was lying. But I wouldn’t change it.
Seth shrugs. “You sure?” he asks, cocking his head to the side.
I nod and smile at him. “If you don’t mind. I’d like to put them to bed.”
Seth nods toward the girls’ bedroom. “Sure,” he says flippantly, and he starts in that direction.
He pulls back the covers and flies Joey around like an airplane, making a humming, blowing noise with his mouth until she lands between the sheets. She giggles, and he leans down to kiss her cheek. “Good night,” he says. Then he comes and helps me tuck Mellie in. She’s out cold, and she barely makes a move as he covers her. I turn to walk out the door, but Joey calls out and I have to turn back.
“Aunt Sky?” she says.
I turn back. She’s snug as a bug in a rug in her blankets, and I can’t think of anything she might need. “Do you need something?”
“She’s going to make you stay as long as she can, asking for kisses and water and everything she really doesn’t need,” Seth warns. He points a finger at her and says, “Go to sleep.”
I walk back over to the bed and sit down on the edge, tucking the blankets even more tightly around her. She pulls her arm out and lays her hand on my forearm. “If you see my mommy,” she whispers. “Will you tell her good night?”
My heart clenches in my chest, and I have to close my eyes and take a deep breath. But then I lean over and whisper in her ear. “You can talk to your mommy anytime you want, and she’ll hear you. So you can tell her good night, yourself.” I tweak her nose playfully.
“She can hear me?” she whispers.
I nod my head. “She can hear you, even though she’s not here anymore.” I blink my eyes furiously because it’s all I can do to sit there without sobbing. When did I become such a crybaby? The same time I became a mom, apparently. “She’ll never leave you. I promise.”
“I’ll tell her myself,” she says. She smiles and rolls into her pillow, her eyes closing.
“Good night,” I say, and I kiss her forehead, lingering for a moment to take in that little-girl smell.
Seth is waiting for me in the hallway when I come out. “Wow,” he breathes.
“What?” I ask. I avoid his gaze because he looks like someone just jerked the rug out from under him.
He shakes his head. “Sometimes it seems so easy to go on without her, and then other times, the memories and all the small things about her just swamp you, you know?”
I don’t know. I’ve never had anyone who loved me like their mom loved them. I don’t know what it’s like to lose your anchor. To suddenly float rudderless. “You can talk to her, too, you know.” I say. He follows me to the kitchen. “She’s still here for you.”
He shakes his head again. “I like to think that, but I’m not sure I believe it.” He heaves a sigh. “I feel kind of alone.”
My heart sinks. I felt like we were finally getting somewhere, but maybe I’m not able to give him what he needs. “I’ll try harder,” I say.
He pulls me into his arms and squeezes me, his forearm wrapped around my head again in that awkward embrace. But I like it.
“Everything okay?” Matt asks from the doorway. He lifts an eyebrow at me.
I step back and brush my hair back from my face. “Fine,” I say, smiling at him. I don’t know why, but it feels natural having Matt around. We have this odd kind of chemistry that makes my belly flutter but comforts me at the same. He brings a sense of peace with him. I can’t define it, but I know I want more of it.
He walks up to Seth and wraps his arm around the boy’s head, taking him in a gentle headlock, and gives him a noogie. Seth shoves at him, but he’s smiling. “I’m going to bed,” Seth says.
“Already?” I complain. I look at my watch. “It’s early yet.”
He glances quickly at Matt, and Matt ducks his head and grins. “I’m tired,” Seth says, and he fakes a yawn and a stretch. He’s grinning, and Matt swipes a hand down his face to hide his own smile. Seth kisses my forehead, bumps knuckles with Matt, and goes to his room.