Sean enjoyed entertaining and singing with Candace and Mrs. B. It was something that he hadn’t done in a long time. He realized that a part of him was trying to impress Paisley, but he couldn’t do it in his normal manner. And in a way, it was freeing because she wanted to see who he was. She wasn’t expecting the Hollywood superstar.
Just the man.
He was starting to realize that maybe he’d spent too long trying to divide his life into compartments. But when some of the parents of the kids recognized him and asked for photos, he felt his guard coming back up and he shifted away from what Paisley needed him to be into the persona where, if he was totally honest, he felt the most comfortable.
He joked with the men, charmed the women and did his best to be fun with the kids. The more people who came up to him for photos, the less like Paisley’s man he felt.
He couldn’t complain and he would never turn away a fan, but he realized that for the first time the spotlight chafed. He wanted to just be here as...Jack. But that wasn’t who he was. This was his life. He glanced around for Paisley and noticed she was talking to Dante and Olive. He took one last photo and then made his excuses to go join her.
She looked up as he approached, their eyes met and something familiar passed between them. All those months of living together had made them a couple. His heart raced as he realized he didn’t want to screw this up. Whatever messed-up mind game he was playing with himself, trying to figure out if he was Jack or Sean or something in between, he wanted the result to be whatever Paisley needed him to be.
The line at the bar had died down as the evening was winding down as well. Olive and Dante were talking quietly and Paisley stepped away from her friends, taking his hand and leading him over to a small anteroom that was being used as a cloakroom during the event.
“Paisley?”
“I just wanted to say thank you again for all you’ve done. I mean, I wasn’t sure what you used your celebrity for but the man I saw tonight...he doesn’t seem all that different to Jack.”
He shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest to keep from reaching for her. How could he explain to her what he didn’t understand himself? “Obviously, Jack is part of who I am. What did you mean by how I would use my celebrity?”
She chewed on her lower lip for a second then shook her head as if coming to some internal decision. “Just how you treated your fans and how natural you were with Mrs. B and Candace. I know you probably don’t want to hear this...but I wasn’t sure you weren’t going to be an asshole.”
That elicited a chuckle out of him.
“I do try not to be too douchey around the public,” he replied drolly.
“You were way better than that,” she said. “Also...what you said earlier, about me not really sharing everything—you were spot on. I don’t know why I do that.”
But he was pretty sure she did.
“We all try to hide what we perceive as the ugly things in our past,” he stated. “I do it too.”
“What do you meanperceive?” she asked. “I’m not just pretending my dad did those things.”
“What I mean is we see them as flaws and bad marks against us, but in reality, your father’s criminal activities have made you the woman you are today. It’s made you stronger. And all of us have something like that in our past.”
“What is it for you?” she asked him quietly.
“Ego. Arrogance. I mean I need both of them to be successful, to have the confidence to believe I can convince an audience I’m someone else. But at the same time, it can create a barrier. It leaves me feeling cold, as if I’m not sure what part of me is real,” he said. “I think it did that for you as well.”
She shook her head and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. He embraced her back, savoring her warmth as she turned to rest her cheek on his chest “We all feel like we’re faking it, Sean. And as much as you were lying about your name and your job, I’m starting to see that you weren’t pretending about too much else...unless you are now?”
He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Honestly, with Paisley in his arms he couldn’t think straight. Her breasts were pressed against his chest and he was doing his level best not to cup her butt and lift her more fully into his body, then kiss her. Claim the kiss that he’d been craving since he’d walked away from her that night everything went wrong.
But he also didn’t want to gloss over what, for him, was a tender moment. He could count on one hand the times that someone had simply hugged him and made him feel cared for the way that Paisley was doing right now.
“I’m not faking it, Paisley. I’ll tell you the truth, though. I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m sort of winging it.”
She smiled at that admission. “Me too. I want... I want this Christmas to be a new start for us. What do you say?”
“I’d like that too. No more secrets,” he promised.
She sort of blinked up at him and then went on her tiptoes to kiss him, and he didn’t think any more of it. He just held her close and thanked God he had a second chance with her.
Paisley hadn’t realized how much she’d missed being in his arms until this moment. And she knew she’d taken the coward’s way out by kissing him, but she wasn’t quite ready to tell him about their baby. Which meant she wasn’t ready to agree to no more secrets. She really liked what she’d seen of Sean today, but another part of her was still struggling.
This kiss was passionate and familiar, yet with the last few days between them, it felt brand-new as well. His tongue moved over hers and she sucked it deeper into her mouth. She lifted one arm to wrap around his shoulders and pushed her fingers into the thick hair at the back of his neck. Everything about him was different but the same, she thought.
It was like stating something new and this time...she didn’t want to screw it up.