I got that feeling as well, the sense that she loved herself more than her son. I could not imagine a selfish mother. Mostly because mine had been the most selfless person I knew. She taught me everything I needed to know. Everything except how to move on without her. I learned that on my own, and it was not a straightforward process.
“Well, I just have to keep out of her way until she leaves,” I said and jumped back with a start when Beanie ran out towards her to play with her. She was running around her with a stick in his mouth like she usually did around me while she kept swatting him away.
Beanie, thinking she was also playing as well, licked her foot, but she kicked her off in an aggressive manner. Without thinking, I ran out of the house towards them to gather the now too-big dog in my arms, soothing her while she whimpered softly.
“Sorry, my little bunny. You’re okay,” I cooed, and then I felt cold eyes on me at that moment; I looked up to find her looking at me with suspicious eyes.
“You’re the nurse.” She said, and I stood straight after setting Beanie down on her feet; she ran off immediately.
“Yes, ma’am,” I add the ma’am as an afterthought.
She glanced up at me and then down, giving me a slow perusal before she spoke again; “Vanessa, is it?”
See, I knew she remembered my name, and she was pretending like she didn’t.
“Yes,” I said again, and I could not help but notice how she raised her eyes when I didn’t add the ma’am.
“I see the way my son looks at you. Not an appropriate manner for a patient to look at his nurse, now is it?”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I repeat in my head as I wondered how to divert her attention and convince her that Christian and I were not together,
“I did –“
“You don’t have to deny it, love. I already know that. You forget it is my house, and not much that goes on here goes unnoticed by me.”
I wondered just how much she knew and who told her that.
I’m not–I said, but she interrupted me again; this time, I was mad. But I said nothing.
“Stop it. Whatever it is you think you have with him? Stop it, or you’ll only regret it. He’s already in talks to marry Thea Wright. If you’re familiar with that name, I’m sure you'll realize how far off you are from my son’s league.”
She looked me up and down again,
“And God forbid I let my son marry someone that I do not know the kind of background they've got.”
“You’ll do well to stay away from him, Vanya. For yours and his good as well.” She added again before she walked away.
I could do nothing but stare at her retreating for a long time, even after she’d disappeared around the corner toward the woods.
When Beanie’s furs scratched my knees, I turned to her.
“Come on, B. Let’s go in.”
Colleen’s words remained with me for the rest of the day. That night, Christian had been too busy with work, so he remained in his study until late at night and then retired to his room. I stayed up all night tossing and turning.
Leila quickly picked up on something bothering me when she face-timed me earlier, but I lied to her I was okay.
I was not.
My thoughts kept circling back to the picture of Christian with Thea Wright at the event he went for. Even the media had raved about what a perfect couple they made. I’d seen comments online with people predicting that they would be married by next year.
It was depressing thinking about all this. Even though I knew Christian did not care about how much I brought to the table, he was still a businessman and knew that marriage to Thea was more beneficial to him.
Colleen had fucked with my brain, and now all I saw was how bad Christian and I would be together. When she left that morning, I could not help but notice the pointed look she gave me just before Roger drove her to the airport. It felt like a warning.
I did not have enough resilience to go through another loss. And I knew losing Christian would feel like a big loss. Each time I thought about breaking up with him that morning, it felt like a mountain had dropped on my stomach, and I wanted to puke its entire content.