I watched her go, for the first time in my life, unsure whether to stay or go.
CHAPTER14
Charlie
Christmas was subdued this year, thanks to me. I hated to be the one dragging everyone down, but it seemed that my family could see right through my fake smile and overly bright cheer. I was miserable and heartbroken.
Like the idiot I was, I’d somehow managed to convince myself that falling head over heels for someone who was never going to be sticking around wasn’t that bad, and something I could simply get over. I hadn’t gotten over it, and I had a bad feeling it was going to take me a long time to manage it.
Still, I dragged my carcass with the cheerless smile around to all our family traditions, as well as Sunshine Home for Christmas. Now that the fundraising goal for the orphanage was well and truly met, I would head back to my office in town hall and start on a new cause. My job was a strange one, and it certainly didn’t pay well, but I got to raise funds for all sorts of projects near and dear to the people who lived in my little town and preserve its specialness for another year.
For now, I enjoyed watching the kids at Sunshine Home have a decent dinner and get their presents, all lovingly wrapped by volunteers. I watched a little, quiet boy ripping the paper off a second-hand keyboard, his dark eyes lighting up at the sight of the generous gift, and thought of Lars. Had he been like that quiet kid? No, he’d been older when he’d come to the orphanage, just old enough to resent the well-meaning volunteers and the other kids. I couldn't picture him sitting there in the common room, alone, having just lost his parents, while his rich, reclusive uncle sat in Ivy House, only a few miles away.
Letting out a long sigh, I tucked my arms around myself and saw Lily coming in with Will at her side.
She sat down beside me and snagged a cookie off my plate. “Tell your brother to stop stalking me already. He shows up everywhere I am, it’s suspicious,” she muttered, biting into her cookie.
“It’s that time of year,” I murmured, lost in thought.
“For stalking?”
“For doing the same time, time and again. Our traditions,” I smiled at her, making an effort to put aside my melancholy thoughts. Feeling sad about Lars wasn’t going to change anything and besides, soon enough, once work started on Ivy House, my good feelings toward him would fade. I didn’t think I could stand watching the jewel on the hill overlooking Briar Vale get torn down and replaced with soulless new builds. I didn’t plan on just watching, anyway, and had already started an Ivy House preservation society, which had its first meeting in a few days' time, on New Year’s Eve, as a matter of fact. There wasn’t much to do in Briar Vale for midnight on December 31st, so I might as well do something useful. Next year was going to be the year I declared war on whoever tried to knock down Ivy House, I was already determined.
“Why do you look like you’re planning an invasion, or at least, preparing for battle?”
“Because I am. You’re coming on New Year’s Eve, right? We can have a drink after,” I pointed out, popping a shortbread cookie in my mouth.
Will leaned over the back of my chair and ruffled my hair like I was five. “I’m sure Lily has some loser to meet up with on New Year’s Eve. Isn’t that a big night for your type? You can sweep in and clean up those that were dateless on New Year’s Eve?”
Lily glared at Will. “Your type?” she repeated, arching an utterly lethal eyebrow.
“Man eaters,” he supplied. Lily rolled her eyes, but the tension had fallen a degree as she turned around and nodded toward the door.
“Whatever. Let’s go. I’ve got a leftover sandwich with my name on it at home.”
CHAPTER15
Lars
Imade it five days in LA before I found myself on a plane back to Briar Vale.
Five fucking days.
When I got back to my multi-million-dollar pad in the hills, the silence had been deafening. I’d stared out the window at the city in the distance, and never felt more alone. Ivy House, with all its ghosts, had somehow been more comforting than being surrounded by millions of people in the city. It was an odd feeling. I could go into practically any bar in the city below me, strike up and conversation, and be recognized. I didn’t have to be short of company. People would want to spend time with me, if I let them, and yet, I knew it wouldn’t work.
I didn’t want people, I never had.
I wanted her.
Phil just about threw a fit when I went back to Briar Vale, making some excuse, but the truth was that Charlie’s last words about my uncle had been embedded in my mind like a poisoned dart and I needed to suck the poison out. I couldn’t do that from far away, and besides, the lure of brainless drinking was strong in LA. All the better to hide my unhappiness in mindless actions with meaningless consequences. But Christmas Day tended to be sobering, even in the city. It was a time when people like me felt our loneliness like a physical weight that had to be carried. I’d spent more time than I was proud of imagining Charlie, surrounded by her warm, loving family and friends, having fun together on the big day.
I told myself I wasn’t coming back to Briar Vale for Charlie. I was sure that would be pointless. Even though less than a week had passed, it felt like an entire lifetime. That was no doubt because I’d blown my chances with her, by letting her see what a weak, fearful, vindictive bastard I really was. She’d never give me a chance, now she’d seen me at my worst.
The urge to drink myself to blackout, just to get some sleep, had only lessened in one place, and I needed to go back there.
I let myself into a quiet Ivy House, late at night, the day before New Year. Both Albert had gone to visit family. It was just me and my ghosts.
“Hello, Uncle Soren,” I muttered to the still dark as I entered, shutting the door behind me, and leaning against it, right where I’d pressed Charlie only days before.