V.D.B. estate, June 11, 2022
Elise
“You’ve been backto check yourself like a dozen times now,” Tatiana hisses. “You look incredible. Come on. It’s your own birthday party you’re missing!”
I thumb my bottom lip one more time, trying to even out the red lipstick that I can’t help but feel self-conscious about. Tati has told me again and again that it looks perfect, and I’m just seeing flaws where there aren’t any, but I just don’t believe her. Everything has to be perfect.Ihave to be perfect because Dan promised that he’d be here. And just like I planned, my brother isn’t.
I’ve spent so much of my life working toward the goals of my father, my brother, and everyone else in the world. This night is for me.
I take a step back and look myself over one more time, sucking in a breath and blowing it out slowly. I agonized over my dress all afternoon, going back and forth between the three options that I purchased, but finally, I’d settled on one that wasboth sexy but didn’t scream “fuck me” so obviously as the other two. I keep having to resist the urge to run up to my room and change, but I still think I made the right selection.
The pure white silk flows in a shimmering curtain down my legs, looking almost demure until I walk, and the thigh high slits on each side of the skirt become apparent. My neckline is asymmetrical, with no sleeve on one shoulder, and the other arm covered by a bell-shaped gauzy sleeve that ends at my wrist. Everything fits perfectly, my bra working overtime to push my cleavage up so just a hint of it is visible. With my hair straightened and slicked back, minimal eye makeup, and a bold red lip, I look older than I ever have before. I barely recognize myself when I look in the mirror.
Tatiana, standing just behind me, puts her hands on my shoulders and squeezes. “I don’t know who you’re trying so desperately to impress, but their jaw is going to hit the floor when they see you. If you spend all night back here, they won’t be able to check you out, so let's go.”
“Okay, okay,” I exhale, straightening my posture. “You’re right. Let’s go.”
The night is glittering. There’s really no other way to explain it. Lights have been strung through the trees and across every available pole and surface, giving the entire backyard and pool area an ethereal, unearthly feeling. Close to the house, there is a bar staffed to the max, constantly mixing my signature birthday drink, the Kir Royale, as well as whatever else anyone orders. There’s a buffet of finger foods, but nothing too messy that might ruin everyone’s white clothing, as well as servers floating through the crowd with trays full of food and drinks. Closer to the pool, which is full of floating, lit tea lights is the DJ booth––an area in the grass marked by thin, tall torches being used as the dancefloor. Everything, and everyone, looks spectacular. My parents have really outdone themselves, but my thanks to themwill have to come later because there is only one person on my mind who I want to see right now.
Dan.
These past weeks I’ve shied away from admitting to myself why it was so important that he come to the party, but now that the night is here, I have to look the reasoning in the face. I want to continue what he and I started in that study. I want everything Dan has to offer me tonight, body and soul, and I’ve done everything I possibly can to ensure that we won’t be interrupted this time. Every single person at this party could leave and it wouldn’t matter to me, as long as he’s here.
The idea of losing my virginity to him makes my pulse flutter and my chest feel tight with both nervousness and anticipation. I force myself to calm down, not wanting to get ahead of myself. I haven’t even confirmed whether he’s here or not, and I don’t want it to be too obvious that I’m as excited to see him as I really am.
I pass the bar and buffet, snatching a Kir Royale from a passing server and plucking the raspberry out of it, popping it in my mouth and crushing it between my teeth. It’s sweet and tart as I chase it with the drink itself. There’s a table with towering white, silver, and gold gifts, and I make a mental note to have one of the staff make a list of gift givers so I can send out thank-you notes later. I certainly won’t be sitting and opening them all in front of everyone like a child.
Once the first guest notices me, my discreteness goes out the window. I’m swarmed by friends and well-wishers, pulled from person to person to take pictures, chat, and even dance with. It’s a whirlwind, and the drink in my hand continues to disappear and reappear as a full glass, but even though I’m still focused on finding Dan, I’m enjoying myself. There are people from school, family, friends of the family, and people my age that I’ve met through camps and trips throughout the years. Some faces areas familiar to me as the back of my hand, and others I haven't seen in years. I’m touched that so many people have made the trip here to celebrate me, and the embraces I exchange with everyone are real and full of affection.
I remain on the lookout for Dan the entire time I’m being passed through the crowd, but he’s managed to elude me so far. Every once in a while I’ll see a set of broad shoulders or a bright grin and think it’s him, but he’s like a phantom, and I can never pin him down.
Finally, after what seems like forever, I spot him standing next to the pool, a drink in hand as he chats with one of my classmates. My mouth goes dry as I rake my eyes over him. The moment has finally come, and now that it’s here, I’m more nervous than I thought I’d be.
Dan is dressed in an ivory linen suit, the shirt underneath it unbuttoned to the third button so I can see the strong lines of his neck, where I’m dying to place my lips. Someone is talking to me at my side, but I can’t hear a word they are saying. My head is buzzing.
I leave my current company behind, walking with slow, single-minded determination toward him. As if there is some sort of tether between us, he turns when I’m still far away, watching me approach like I'm a lioness and he’s the lion. There is no one else around us once we lock eyes; we might as well be completely alone, we are so focused on one another. He drinks me in as I close the gap between us, and when I reach him, he takes me into his arms like a practiced dance.
If my head had been fuzzy from the drinks, it all becomes crystal clear now. There is the warmth of his skin, the smell of him; evergreen and spice, and the way he holds me against him as if I’m the most precious thing in the world. When he leans in, his lips brushing the shell of my ear, he whispers, “Happy birthday, El.”
I shiver. It’s a phrase I’ve heard hundreds of times tonight already, but from Dan it sounds like foreplay. Like pillow talk, almost. The words don’t matter… it’s the promise behind them.
“Thank you,” I stutter as he pulls away, keeping his hands on my upper arms as he does so. “For a minute there I thought you didn’t come.”
“You made me promise, remember? You didn’t really give me a choice, and I didn’t want to hear your complaints if I didn’t show.”
“Have you ever been serious a day in your life?” I ask, wrinkling my nose.
“I can if you want me to be,” he replies, lowering his voice to that seductive timbre again… the one that seems to race across my nerves every time he speaks.
“I do,” I respond, swaying toward him. “There are so many empty rooms. Do you want—”
“Elise!” I hear from behind me. At the same time, Dan drops his hands, and I turn to shoo away whoever dares to bother me right now. I’ve been entertaining party guests this entire time; can’t I have a moment to myself?
It’s Tatiana calling for me, though, and she isn’t going to take no for an answer. I can see it in her posture, and the harried way she grabs my hand and tries to pull me away. “There you are! Everyone is looking for you and they’re driving me crazy. Come on, you need to address youradoringfans!”
“Tati,” I say, trying to shake her hand off. “I don’t want to right now. I’m busy.”
“It’s fine,” Dan says, an annoyingly mischievous smirk on his face. “I’ll catch up with you later.”