His words make my stomach churn, but I power through, not wanting him to sense my uneasiness. “You can’t possibly have anything to say about me that hasn’t already been said.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” In my mind, I can almost see him smiling devilishly as he leans back in his chair, maybe checking his fingernails as he does so. “Wouldn’t it just be awful for all of those lovely ladies you employ to be named and dragged into this whole mess? Poor things. It isn’t their fault, now is it?”
My uneasiness blooms into full blown anger. “Go fuck yourself, Kenneth.”
Before he can say another word, I slam the receiver down. It’s so much more satisfying than pushing a button on the cell phone screen, so I pick it up and slam it down again for good measure. If only the receiver had been Kenneth’s head instead, then I really would feel better.
It was the truth when I told him that there wasn’t any way he could shame me more than I already was, but I’m a phoenix; I’ll always rise from the ashes. My girls, though… I want to keep their working environment as calm and collected as possible. I never want any of this nonsense with Karl and Patricia to bleed over into their lives. It was my mistake, and I was going to eat every morsel of it, no one else.
Rolling the thoughts of Kenneth’s inevitable article around in my mind, I consider giving my own interview first before he is able to publish his. It’d no doubt infuriate him to have his scoop pulled out from under him, but as fun as the idea sounds, it’s probably best to just lay low and let the idea of me and my brothel fade out of public consciousness. Sex work isn’t all that interesting in Amsterdam; the draw of the story between Karl and the college girl is how high profile he is and how detestable the act was, but crazy things happen all the time in this city. The newest fascination would appear soon enough.
As I reply to what feels like the millionth email in the past hour, Poppy pokes her head into my office with an apologetic look on her face. “You’ve got someone here to see you.”
I look up with a scowl. “I told you absolutely no visitors or appointments today.”
“It’s Patricia,” she clarifies. Some of my annoyance fades.
“Send her in, then.”
The petite, pale-haired girl enters the office, wearing a sweater that is two sizes too big with her hands tucked into the sleeves. She looks so young that I feel a pang of guilt for sending her on the assignment that is now causing the two of us so much trouble. She settles herself into the loveseat at the back of the office, looking everywhere but at me.
“Hello, Patricia,” I start gently, leaning forward on my chair. “How are you feeling?”
She shrugs one thin shoulder. “Not great.”
“What do you need?” I ask after a moment of her sitting in silence. It’s like she wants to talk about something but is too nervous to do so.
“I’m just feeling all messed up inside,” she elaborates. “I can’t avoid all the news stuff about Karl, and every time I’m reminded of it, I feel more and more guilty.”
“Guilty?” My interest is perked and I leap off of my chair, pacing slowly in her direction. “Why?”
She sinks lower on the sofa, looking miserable, and she heaves a long sigh. “I know he took advantage of me… somewhat, at least, but it wasn’t like he was cruel. Now I’m hearing that he’s probably going to lose his job and I just feel so awful.” Patricia buries her face in her hands and groans. “I shouldn’t have gone to the police. Everything is such a mess, and it’s all my fault.”
I take a few more steps and sit beside her, before putting an arm around her shoulders. The poor girl is stiff as a board, with soft sobs coming from between her fingers.
“He still crossed a line with you, after many, many guarantees that he wouldn’t do so. You have nothing to feel guilty for, Patricia. He pushed you too far, even if he was kind about it.”
“If I had just had better control over myself and the amount I drank, then we wouldn’t even be having this discussion,” she continues.
I can’t help but feel sympathetic for her and her plight. After all, she’s only a few months beyond seventeen, and trusted the client because she trusted me, but also because I realize how much it was my fault for putting her in a situation where she was such an easy target.
She lifts her head from her hands, wiping under her eyes with her fingers, and looking me in the eye, she says, “Karl’s legalteam reached out again and said the settlement is still on the table if I want to take it.”
The announcement comes as a shock since I thought her decision to go to court was final. If Patricia signs the settlement, it’d definitely help to calm all this media frenzy about my agency sooner than later, but it’d also mean there would be no justice made and Karl would be a free man. For some reason, this bothers me more than I let on. “Are you going to sign it, though?”
“I don’t know,” she says, burying her face between her hands for a moment. “I'm so confused.”
I pull her closer until our shoulders are touching in a quick hug before releasing her, pivoting on the loveseat to face her fully. “I know this is weighing on you, Patricia, but honestly, you’ve made your choice to report Karl and you need to follow that path to the end now. There is no way to make it go away except to finish what you’ve started,” I find myself saying.
“My friends are so disappointed in what happened that I feel some sort of remorse about the whole thing, meaning I have to push it all down and hide it away,” she fesses out. “It’s like they want me to feel more like a victim than I do, and it makes me want to throw in the towel and be done with all of this.”
“It’s hard for a lot of people to understand the odd relationships that can form between escorts and clients.” I bite my lip, considering how much I’m comfortable sharing with Patricia before I throw caution to the wind. “In fact, Karl was my first client, too.” Patricia sits up straighter, obviously surprised by the news. “After a while, it became less like a client-escort agreement and more like a relationship. There was a time I’d have considered him my friend, but I’m so disappointed in his behavior now that any chance of friendship we ever had is dead and gone.”
It doesn't seem possible, but Patricia looks even more miserable. “Just another thing I ruined.”
I grab her hands and force her to give me her attention. “No. No.Karl did that all on his own. It could’ve been you or any of my other girls that this happened to, and his behavior would’ve never been acceptable.”
“Okay….” She nods, wiping her eyes again, this time with the sleeve of her sweater. “I guess that makes sense. If he didn’t do it to me, he’d have done it with some other girl.”