A baby. It’s my coal.
I’ve longed for a baby for a long time, even though I’ve never admitted it out loud. I always figured I’d find someone to settle down with one day, but always worried I would be settling. The man always felt like a means to an end to have kids.
But does it have to be?
Wasn’t I just the one who said a man isn’t required to claim one’s coal? Yes, on a biological level a man is required as far as sperm go, but I wouldn’t need a man for everything else. I don’t need a man to give birth or raise a child. I have a solid family who would have my back, it’s not like I would be alone.
I stuff popcorn in my mouth as I think about the possibility more. I could do it; I could have a baby. I could have the love of a family and whether I had a partner there next to me doesn’t matter. I don’t even want that part, honestly.
Now how does one go about getting sperm? I could look into a sperm bank, but that feels impersonal. What if the guys lie about who they are?
As the credits are rolling on our first movie of our marathon, Bella bumps my shoulder. “Is Corbin still coming this year for Christmas?”
I blink at her a few times, and I swear a whole string of Christmas lights flash above my head. Corbin would be perfect to be the sperm donor for my child. He’s good looking, smart, kind, and healthy. I think he would understand I don’t need help with anything more than the sperm. A doctor’s office can take it from there.
He’d be perfect.
Maybe it’s time to walk right over the line in the snow to get what I want the most this year and claim my coal.
CHAPTER 2
CORBIN
The best part of my job is helping people. Well, I hope I’m helping them. It didn’t start out this way, I just started out spinning some music late at night. So many stations are going to all prerecorded and syndicated shows, but the station I’ve been working at for years is still a little stuck in the past. I’m more than okay with it since it keeps me in a job.
Playing music and mixing it up with my mood was more than enough for me. Then one night I got a call that changed everything.
It was one of those lost love and need advice kind of calls. I tried to tell the guy I wasn’t really qualified to give love advice, the depths of why wasn’t exactly something I shared then but being a bachelor should have been enough reason. The guy wasn’t going to take no for an answer and after he laid out his problem, I gave him advice based on what I would do.
Enough people heard what I thought was just a late-night one-off and it quickly became a thing. More people were calling in for love advice than music requests and soon my time slot was moved to when there’s more listening traffic.
I’ve been giving advice for three years now and I’m still not certain I’m really helping anyone. Almost every show, I’m pretty sure I’m going to put my foot in my mouth and make things even harder for someone instead of easier.
Still, people keep calling in. Maybe I really am doing something right.
They have no idea most of the advice I give out is based on my relationship, friendship, with Justice. We’ve been friends since high school, and we’ve been there for each other every day since we met. It’s never been more than friendship, but I’ve noticed there has been something bugging me for the last few months.
It’s like someone persistently tapping you. When I focus on it to try and figure it out, the persistent tapping stops and no big revelations are forthcoming. I don’t know what it means.
I do know the last few hook-ups I had didn’t have the same feeling to them. They felt hollow.
I have no idea why and it’s starting to bug the ever-loving shit out of me.
The caller I have on is wrapping up his story, “My mother hates her and doesn’t respect her at all. I’ve tried telling my mom I love this woman and I want her in my life. Mom isn’t listening to me and it’s starting to hurt my relationship.”
Crap.
My normal go-to is shot. My mom loves Justice and always has. Mom thinks Justice is a good influence on me. She’s not wrong, but we can also be bad influences on each other.
“That’s really tough, man,” I push as much sincerity into my voice as possible. “Has your mom supported your relationships before?”
When in doubt—ask questions. Normally people know the right answer, they just don’t want to hear it. If they can get there on their own, it’s usually better.
Yeah, I’m a real magician when it comes to this love advice shit.
“Um,” he pauses for way too long and for a moment I’m concerned about checking to see if the call’s dropped, but when I look over to my coworker working the board, they just shrug and make a keep going motion. I’m about to cut in when the caller’s voice continues, begrudgingly, “Not really. Mom has kind of hated all the women I’ve dated.”
I can’t keep the incredulousness out of my voice, “All of them?”