“Why don’t we go for pizza!” Nikki suggested quickly. “I really feel like pizza!”
It seemed like the better idea.
There was a little Italian restaurant down the street, and we could walk there. We put on our coats and scarves and got ready to go outside. Outside, I waited for Zoë to tie her shoelaces. My eyes wandered, and I saw a woman on the other side of the street, watching us. She was looking right at us. She was tall and thin and there was something about her that seemed familiar.
“Shall we go?” Nikki asked.
When I looked back again, the woman was gone.
We had dinner, all of us eating way too much pizza and groaning all the way home. Nikki especially complained that she would have to run double her usual distance in the morning. I carried the leftover pizza in cardboard boxes and when we got to my building, we went inside. I waited for Nikki and Zoë to go in first. I turned around, feeling someone watching me and this time, on our side of the street, I saw the same woman. She was coming closer, tentatively lifting a hand to greet me.
It was Jade.
“You guys go up,” I said with a forced smile to Nikki. “I’ll be up in a bit.”
I saw her frowning, then glancing at the woman and quickly steering Zoë to the lift.
I took a deep breath and tried to think how to deal with Jade.
“Hey Will,” she said with a nervous smile.
“You’re back.” I wasn’t even trying to be friendly.
“Yeah. Few weeks ago. Mac told me he was working with you again.”
I nodded. He hadn’t said anything to me about Jade being back, I wondered why.
She gave a step closer. She was as tall as I was, but much skinnier. Her face was pale, she was wearing no make-up and she looked fragile.
“Do you have a minute?”
“What do you want, Jade?”
“I want to see her,” she said, in a pleading voice. “Just to see her.”
This had been my worst nightmare. Jade coming back into our lives, bringing chaos and confusion with her as she always did.
“You gave up your rights,” I said.
“I know. But she’s still my daughter.” Her face was scrunched up with pain, raw emotion.
“I’m clean now,” she said quickly. “I went to rehab, and I don’t drink or do any drugs, not even pain meds. I want to get my life back on track.”
“And for that you need Zoë?” I was surprised at how much bitterness I felt towards her.
“I miss her, I can’t tell you how it feels, to know she’s out there and not be able to talk to her.”
“She’s only six years old,” I said. “I don’t want you messing with her head, confusing her.”
“I’m her mother!” Jade’s voice rose, she was becoming hysterical.
I stepped away, into the building.
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
As I went up to my place, I thought about how Zoë had asked about her mother over the years. I always said she was sick, implying that she was in a hospital and unable to come and see her. When Zoë had to create a family tree for school, she had drawn her mother as a butterfly, which was ironic as Jade had a tattoo of a butterfly on her shoulder.
I called Mac before I went up in the elevator.