“Maybe it’s safe to say we let one another down, but that’s the past.”
“Is it?”
“It is,” I respond, feeling heat rise in my face. “Jake, you’ve destroyed your poor hand.”
“I’ve had worse than that just trying to hold onto a bull for eight seconds. Katie, if it’s in the past, then what do you see for our future?”
“Maybe we should just concentrate on the present,” I suggest, sparing a glance at him before hastily looking away.
“Okay, so how about you actually look at me when we’re talking. You’ve never been one to shy away from letting me have it, Sunshine. I don’t want you to start now.”
I force myself to look at Jake. I know why I’m feeling uneasy around him right now. I don’t want to explain it, though. I’m afraid to and that makes me almostshy.
“It has just been an emotional night. Hearing Jeff admit that he lied hit me hard, Jake.”
“And that’s all?” he asks, and I smile. It has been so long, but apparently, he can still sense when I’m holding back.
I sigh, dropping my gaze once again. “Let’s just say he told me more than I wanted to know about the day he came to you with the intention of telling you about Lennon.”
“Motherfucker. I’m going to kill him,” Jake hisses.
I cup my hand over his and squeeze it gently. “It’s okay. It had been years since we were together, Jake. It’s not like you were cheating on me.”
“Baby, it was also just two days after Mom told me that Jeff was going to ask you to marry him. I knew it was coming, but it still hurt. I went on a two-day bender…”
“Stop, Jake. You don’t owe me an explanation. It’s part of the past, remember?” I ask, putting my fingers against his lips to get him to hush. “I know where I am, Jake. I also know that without you here since my accident, I’d be lost.”
“Katie—”
“What I don’t know is why you’re doing it. What is it you want, Jake? Is it a relationship with Lennon? Because everything you’ve been doing with me is not really necessary. I don’t want you to feel like—”
I can’t finish what I was going to say because his lips are on mine. He sucks on my lip, dragging it into his mouth, teasing it, sliding his tongue against the tender flesh, before claiming my mouth and deepening the kiss. It’s a different type of Jake kiss. There’s passion in it. I can feel it bubbling near the surface. That’s not the driving force, though. This kiss is one of leisure. It’s giving, gentle, and full of promise. It feels so good that tears sting my eyes. My tongue slides against his, wanting to deepen the connection. Jake pulls back and traps my face by placing a hand on each side and holding me in place—refusing to let me turn away.
“I’ve been telling you this from day one, but I get why you’re afraid to believe in me. I need you to listen to me now, though.”
“Okay…”
“I’m going to have a relationship with my son, and no one will stop that, but the reason I’m here is because I want to be. I want you in my life. I’ve been grieving from the moment I left Macon. I wanted you with me. I didn’t break up with youbecause I didn’t love you, Katie. I’ve always loved you. I just wasn’t ready to settle down on a farm and have kids. I always wanted you, though, baby.”
“Jake—”
“Through all the trophies and the money, I had an emptiness inside of me, Katie.I need you.I’m here for you, Sunshine. I’m here fighting for you.”
“Then why do you have your jeans on and aren’t making a move to get in the bed with me?”
“Do you want me in your bed?”
“Well, I realize I’m not much fun…”
“Katie—”
“But I love having your arms around me when I close my eyes.”
He smiles. “You’re sure that’s what you want? I mean, Jeff’s back and I know there are feelings there.”
“There are feelings here, too. I don’t know about the future, but this is the present. I want you in my present, Jake.”
I can tell my answer doesn’t make him happy. It doesn’t exactly fill me with joy, either. Still, it’s all I dare say right now. I’m scared to let my walls down with Jake. Maybe I’m afraid of the past repeating itself. I don’t know. I just know I need time to sort through the muddled mess that my brain has become.