“The right? How about the fact that my fucking brother waltzed in and ruined our chance for happiness once again? Jesus, I come home to find you all just happy as can be, Katie. Did I mean so fucking little to you?”
The man in front of me is not the Jeff I’ve always known. This Jeff is emotional. He’s angry in a way I’ve never seen. I can’t say it is directed at me, but it is jarring to see this side of him after years of thinking I knew everything about him.
“Did you tell Jake about Lennon four years ago, Jeff?” I whisper.
The question hurts. It burns in the pit of my stomach. This man has stood by me through so much. The trust I have in him is akin to the belief I have in my grandmother. That’s how deep it goes. The mere thought that after all this time I’m wrong about Jeff scares me.It terrifies me.
“What?” he asks, looking like I slapped him.
“Jake said he never knew about Lennon until you and I were getting married. That can’t be true, can it, Jeff? You promised me you told him all those years ago when you wouldn’t let me be the one. You wanted to handle it. You said you understood that I wasn’t ready to move forward, that I still had to deal with the past. I know I was weak, and I let you, but youdidtell him, didn’t you?”
“Katie—”
That burning sensation inside me rises into my chest, growing in intensity.
“Answer me, Jeff.” My heart squeezes in my chest. I don’t know how I feel. I’m so confused. I need Jeff to tell me he did it and Jake is lying. Yet, at the same time, I’m hoping that Jake is telling me the truth.
“Wow,” he whispers. “You said you loved me, Katie. Is that love so easily forgotten?”
“That’s rich coming from a man who ran away and didn’t even check on me when I almost died.”
“Maybe Jake didn’t tell me you were sick. You ever think of that?”
“Jake didn’t want to tell you,” I admit.
“I bet he didn’t,” he laughs, but there’s no humor in the sound. Then again, there’s nothing funny about any of this.
“ButBarb called you, and Iknowshe did.”
“I didn’t get the message until two days ago.”
“Yeah, right. You live with your phone, Jeff.”
“I haven’t for a while. After the mess at the wedding, I just needed a break from everything. I’ve been driving and figuring out what I wanted.”
“Yeah,” I’m not sure what else to say.
“Yeah?” he repeats. “What does that mean?”
“It’s just that you’ve laid all this at my feet, Jeff, but what about you? You wanted to marry me, but you disappearedwithout a word. You wouldn’t accept calls. You cut me out of your life. Now, you show up like you’re the wronged party, but that’s not exactly true, is it?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I finally believe a Ryan brother completely—at least about one thing.”
“And what would that be, Katie?”
“You didn’t tell Jake. You lied to me knowing I would trust you implicitly, and you didn’t tell Jake anything. You let me believe that Jake knew all this time and just didn’t care. You cheated my son out of years with his father. You knew how guilty I felt, how I couldn’t move on until the slate was clean, and yet, you made it worse.”
The words are thick on my tongue, weighted down and full of pain. Betrayal burns bitterly in my gut. The one man I would have sworn would never lie to me—never willingly betray me—did so much more than that.He betrayed my son.
I’m not blameless. I know that. I should have told Jake from the beginning.I should have handled everything differently…
“Fuck, Katie. What do you want from me? I fell in love with you the minute I first laid eyes on you, and you never knew I was alive.”
“Jeff—”
“Day after fucking day, I had to watch you kissing my brother, worshipping every damn thing he did. You barely gave me the time of day.”