His expression didn’t shift; his features gave nothing away. “And here I thought we actually liked and respected one another.”
His words were so damning, with their lukewarm description of how she felt. There was no point arguing with him, and yet she held her ground because it felt good. She was using him to deal with her angry, hurt feelings, but she couldn’t care in that moment.
“Do you even see me as a person in my own right to like and respect? Or am I just Benji’s cousin to you?”
He was silent.
“Or even worse, just an available body to lose yourself in whenever the urge overtook you?”
“Christos,” he ground the word out, fury evident, briefly, in the tightening of his eyes.
“Why is that so offensive to you? By your own admission, you sleep around. Isn’t that why Benji warned you away? Why he made you swear nothing would happen between us?”
He swore again. “You think that’s what you mean to me? You think I’d risk my friendship with a man I care for as a brother simply to get laid?”
“Why not?”
“You believe I have so little self-control?”
“Then whydidwe sleep together?”
“You needed me,” he fired back. “You needed me to help you forget.”
It was, if it was possible, even worse. “So it was pity sex?”
“I felt sorry for you, but that’s not why we had sex. I looked at you and knew of one clear way I could put everything from your mind. I knew you wanted me in the same way I did you, that it had become as important as sleeping and eating and breathing that we be together. I knew I wanted you in a way that was burning me alive. But seeing you so broken by fear, I found it impossible to ignore those feelings for a moment longer, to hell with what Benji asked of me.”
“You succeeded,” she whispered, hollowed out, exhausted and deflated. “When we were together, you eclipsed almost everything else in my life. I finally understood what my mother had been warning me about.”
“And what’s that?”
“Falling in love,” she said, bitterly, too exhausted to care what she was admitting. “Her own career was destroyed by a relationship, by falling pregnant and having me. She never skated professionally again. She raised me to be smarter than she was, to avoid entanglements and demands, to be truly independent.” She squared her shoulders, staring down her nose at Leo even when her insides were churned beyond belief.
“This was never about love,” he said, the words a little strained. “We both agreed to that; that’s why this works.”
“Yes, we did, but you know what they say? Promises are made to be broken.”
The air sparked and buzzed, his eyes held hers for several long seconds. “What are you saying?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“I need to hear it from your mouth. I need to understand—,”
“I fell in love with you.” She managed to make the admission with cool composure, even when inside she was burning up. “It’s that simple, Leo. If I stay here any longer, everything’s going to get harder, worse. I need to go home and get on with my life. I need to get away from you.”
He closed his eyes, nostrils flaring. “This was never about love,” he repeated. “I told you that.”
“Yes, and you expected it to be just that simple.”
“It always has been.”
It was awful to be reminded of how many times he’d done this, how many women he’d seduced, delighted, adored, only to cast away when it suited him, and it was impossible to believe she was the only one who’d wanted more from him. “I highly doubt that.”
“You think I’m lying?”
“I think you’re stupid.”
He made a dark sound, like a laugh, but without a hint of humour, then crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh?”