It was a totally fair comment but being lumped in with her dropkick father and ex made him want to bang the kitchen bench into a different shape.
“It’s not the same thing.”
“It sure feels like it.” Her eyes were huge when she turned to face him. In frustration, he looked to the side, and it was then that he saw her engagement ring, oh so recently placed on her finger, sitting on the edge of the kitchen counter.
“You told me you’d make me happy every day of our marriage, but that’s a promise you can’t keep, and Charlotte deserves better than to see me suffer because of a decision we don’t have to make. This marriage isn’t necessary.”
“I’ve told you all the reasons I believe it is.” God, why wasn’t his head clearer? He drained his coffee, ignoring the scalding heat, then reached above the fridge for a box of ibuprofen. He cracked two from the pack, and swallowed without liquid.
“I hate the idea of sharing custody.” The words were dragged from her. “But we don’t have any other option. I’m not going to marry you.”
He opened his mouth, searching for something he could say that would change her mind.
“And you won’t make me.” Her smile was wistful. “When you came to my apartment and tried to force me into this by threatening to take her away, I half believed you. But since coming to live with you, I’ve remembered what I liked about you in the first place. Basically, you’re a good guy.” She lifted her shoulders. “And you keep saying that you don’t want to hurt me again. I believe that. Taking Charlotte away would kill me.”
He angled his face to the windows, sweeping his gaze over New York’s skyline.
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“But the reasons you want me to stay don’t add up for me.”
“And what about Charlotte? What about what’s best for her?”
Abby made a soft sound that might have been a sob. He turned to face her, but she wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were trained on the wedding ring. “We might be able to fool your sister over dinner, and my mom over lunch, but there’s no way we’ll be able to make our daughter think our marriage is the real deal. As she grows up, she’s going to have questions, and I wouldn’t know how to answer them.” She turned around, then reached for her handbag, hooking it over her shoulder.
“My mom raised me on her own, and she did a damned good job. I never had the benefit of a father who cares, but Charlotte will. She’ll have you in whatever capacity you want to be in her life, but you won’t be in my life. Not more than is necessary for us to successfully co-parent.”
It was all so cold. So formal. Her determination was rigid.
“Abby, listen –,” But what could he say? What could he offer that would change her mind?
She stared at him, really stared, as if looking into his soul, or perhaps lookingforhis soul, and then she offered a small smile. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault – we would just never work. You’re incapable of loving me, and I’m wired to want to be loved. Put us together and it’s a cataclysmic disaster.” She began to move to the door.
“Jacinda’s going to bring Charlotte to my place after the park. My lawyer will be in touch about a formal custody arrangement soon.”
Suddenly, it all felt very, very real, and his heart was palpating, his brow perspiring.
“You have a lawyer now?”
She turned to face him. “What else am I going to do with all that money you gave me?” She lifted her shoulders, then pressed the button for the lift. “Goodbye, Gray. Take care of yourself.”
Somehow,Abby got through the whole day without giving into the press of stinging tears behind her eyes. She got through the afternoon with Charlotte, but when the sky grew dark and Charlotte slept, and Abby was all alone with the new reality she’d created, she sat neatly onto the sofa, let her head drop, and finally allowed the tears to fall. She wasn’t crying because she’d left him, she was crying because he didn’t love her. Because he’d never loved her. Because he would never give her that love, because she realized that despite the passage of two years and the education she’d gotten at his hands, nothing had changed. She was still just a girl who wanted him to want her – to really want her – in a heart stopping, life altering way, just as she loved him.
There was no point denying it. If she loved him less, she could have stayed with him. She could even have had fun pretending. But every moment they spent together shattered her heart all over again, because the appearance of perfection simply taunted her with how little they shared.
She’d made the right choice – she just wished she’d been brave enough to resist him in the first place. Having to weave her way out of an engagement was a lot harder than never having been engaged before.
The next day seemed to drag. She did the necessary things, spent time with Charlotte, called the lawyer two different blogs had recommended, almost fallen off her chair when she learned of their hourly rate, then made an appointment for the following day.
Angie minded Charlotte while Abby went to the lawyer’s office and went through what she thought was a fair custody split. She pleated her skirt a thousand times as the junior associate wrote down the details and then, had to smirk a little when they realized who the father was, and a senior partner was called in to nut out the final details.
“I don’t want this to be a protracted battle,” she said quietly, trying to wipe the dollar signs from the suits’ gazes. “I know Gray and I both want things to be amicable, and confidential.” She scanned the multiple pairs of eyes in the room. “And settled quickly.”
“Yes, Miss Brenna, of course,” the senior partner assured her. “We have a lot of experience in celebrity matters, and always manage to keep the legalities out of the press.”
“Good.” She stood uneasily. “There’s just one last thing.”
“Go on.”