“I’m going to need more time to consider that.”
“It would seem to me that you’ve had over two years.”
“Yes, well, what I decided then doesn’t work now, does it?”
“If you mean cutting me out of our daughter’s life, no. It doesn’t.”
She sucked in a deep breath, hating the cutting antagonism moving between them, even when she could understand it.
Pulling a fry pan out of the drawers, she placed it on the hob and lit it, staring at the flickering flames while waiting for the pan to heat up.
“I could have helped you.” The words were rich with emotion and when she turned to face him, it was to see an expression she’d never known on his face. She couldn’t identify it, but she knew he was hurting. Her mouth went dry, and her stomach felt as though it was filled with rocks.
“I didn’t want –,” she shook her head sadly. “I know you would have, if I’d asked. But I didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want to burden you –,”
“With my own child? What kind of monster do you take me for?”
She flinched, but his appraisal wasn’t completely off. “You specifically said you never wanted kids – the day before I found out I was pregnant. Your words were still ringing in my ears when I did the damn test. I know you would have helped me, but I also thought I’d be ruining your life. ThatCharlottewould be ruining your life, and believe me when I say that’s a grief no kid should ever have to know.”
He swore and paced across the room – which for his long strides took only four or so steps. His back was to her and the frying pan began to spit, so she turned back to it and cracked two eggs into the oil, watching as they browned, then inserted the bread into the toaster, before turning off the heat of the eggs and placing a lid on top.
“And if I hadn’t bumped into you at that event, what then, Abby?”
Her vocal cords felt partially paralyzed. “I don’t know.” It was barely a whisper.
“Yes, you do.” Slowly, he turned to face her. “I would have missed everything.”
The toast popped and she was grateful for the distraction, reaching for it and placing a piece on each plate, then spreading each lightly with butter. Her fingers shook a little as she gripped the knife.
“I would never have heard from you.”
“That’s what you wanted. You made that abundantly clear.”
“Pique and hurt feelings don’t justify this.”
“My feelingswerehurt,” she admitted angrily. “And with good reason. You treated me like shit, Gray.”
He stared at her, obviously reeling.
But she didn’t elaborate; she was already regretting her outburst, because it showed how much he’d once meant to her, and pride wouldn’t let her make that admission. “But that’s not why I kept Charlotte a secret. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but it was to protect you.”
He lifted a hand. “It doesn’tmatterhow many times you say it.” His eyes bore into hers. “It will never be okay. It was never the right choice.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
She flipped the eggs onto the toast simply because she needed time. Her insides were a jumble, her feelings all over the place. She felt angry and confused and hurt, and so filled with grief she could barely contain it.
“The decision wasn’t easy, and I wondered, every day, if it was the right thing to do. I’m sorry that you can’t understand–,”
At the look on his face her words tapered off. She swallowed, wondering what else she could say.
“Don’t say you’re sorry again. I don’t need apologies. But I do need us to fix this.”
She wobbled her lower lip between her teeth. “And you think getting married is the answer?”
“It’s a start.”
She slid his plate across the table, then reached for some cutlery. But when she looked up, Gray surprised her by standing right behind her, rather than across the counter where she’d designated his meal spot to be.
“One way or another, I’m going to have Charlotte live with me. My first preference, by a mile, would be for you to come too.”