“I’m so sorry, Lauren. And I understand if you decide not to do this.”
“I want to, and people fight and make up.” I give him a smile. “But it’s different when a kid is involved. Ella has to come first, no matter what.”
He nods. “And right now, taking care of Ella means taking care of you. I will do whatever it takes, Lauren.”
I look into his eyes, finally seeing past the walls he’s put up all these years. “I know you will.”
* * *
“Does your mom know I’m here?” Noah asks, sitting on the couch next to me at my house. He puts his arm around my shoulders.
“I didn’t tell her, but it’s not because I didn’t want to. She kinda freaked out when I said I had signs of pre-eclampsia.”
“Do they know what happened?”
“Yes and no. They know we broke up, but not the fine details.” I rest my head against him. “I didn’t want them to be mad at you. Even if we weren’t together as a couple, they’d still see you sometimes. Ella’s both of ours. And I didn’t want Colin to completely hate you.”
“That’s very considerate.”
“Well, you two have been friends for a long time. I don’t want to break you guys up too.”
“Fuck, I love you.” He kisses the top of my head. “You have no idea how good it feels to finally say that to you, and to hear it said back.”
“I’ve felt this way for a while, Noah. Really. I tried not to fall for you, but…”
“I told you, I’m hard to resist.”
I smile. “Most of the time.”
He brings me in closer and rest a hand on my belly. “Things can’t go back to how they were, can they? We can’t pretend this never happened and move on like normal?”
“I wish we could. I meant what I said: it’s different now. It’s not just my heart on the line. Ella’s is too.”
He turns and locks eyes with me. “That’s what scares me. I don’t want to hurt her like my father hurt me.”
“Knowing you’re scared of being a bad father makes me think you won’t be.”
He shakes his head. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“Do you think your dad worried about being a good dad?”
“Hell no. Oh, I get what you mean now.” He leans back with a sigh. “I won’t let you down again. And I’ll never let Ella down.”
Am I a fool for believing him? “Did you ever think about telling me how you felt before?”
“Many times.”
“Why didn’t you?”
He runs his fingers up and down my arm. “I didn’t want to piss Colin off. But mostly because I didn’t think I had a chance with you.”
“I had a crush on you too.”
“Seriously?”
I laugh. “I think the entire female population of that high school did. Some of the popular girls tried being friends with me because they knew you stayed the night at my house a lot.”
“Should I apologize for that?”