My heart is beating fast, making me anxious. I stand and grab the keys to my motorcycle, intending to speed off to The Roadhouse and toss a few back to calm my nerves.
“Fuck,” I say to myself when I put my hand on the door to leave. I don’t want to be that guy who runs away to a bar to get drunk when shit hits the fan.
I don’t want to be my father.
And I won’t.
The only rule we have set is no sex. Obviously, that was Lauren’s idea. She said sex got us into this situation and doesn’t want to complicate things further, not when she’s trying to see where things could go. Other than that, there’s nothing set up, but I’ve already decided to treat her like my one and only. Because she is. And it won’t be hard, since I haven’t hooked up with anyone since I slept with her. Though I can’t remember the details, I haven’t been able to get her out of my head. She’s been there for years, after all.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I grab it, smiling as soon as I see Lauren’s name.
“Hey, baby,” I answer.
“Don’t call me that,” she retorts.
“Fine, fine. You’re calling because you miss me and changed the no-sex rule, right?”
“Hardly.” She lets out a breath. “My mom called.”
Oh fuck. “Did you tell her?”
“Not yet, but she invited me over for dinner tomorrow. We have family dinners on Sundays … Not sure if you remember.”
“I do.” Dinner at the Winters’ was the only time I got to sit around with others as I ate. Mom couldn’t be bothered to eat a meal with me.
“I thought we could go together and tell everyone.”
Tell my best friend I not only slept with his little sister, who’s been off limits since we met, but knocked her up. My best friend, who’s bailed me out of jail more times than I care to remember, who knows me and my wicked ways … who’s going to hate my fucking guts after we tell him. Yeah, sounds like a party.
“Noah?”
I blink. “Yeah. Tomorrow. Better to get it over with, right?”
* * *
Sunday dinners at the Winters’ house was always a safe haven. Colin and I would play video games during the day, eat dinner, then resume whatever game we were currently addicted to. I’d stay until Mrs. Winters kicked me out, or my probation officer came to get me, because that was the case more than once during my teen years.
But pulling into the driveway that leads to the two-story brick house is making me sweat like a whore in church. I don’t want to fucking do this. Lauren’s face is white. She doesn’t want to either. I wonder if she’d be okay with turning around and not coming back until our kid was in college. I cut the engine, nerves at an all-time high, and reach over Lauren to grab a flask from the glove box.
“Seriously?” she asks when I unscrew the lid and take a drink.
“Hey, I need this. You know everyone in there is going to hate me.”
“You better take another shot,” she grumbles. “Then pour it out, because you can’t have open containers in your car. The last thing I need is a baby daddy in prison.”
“I won’t go to jail over this,” I say and roll my eyes.
“You might. Don’t you have a record?”
“Hey now,” I start. I haven’t for years, and it hurts—just a bit—that she only remembers me as the hell raiser I was in our youth. “Nothing recent.”
Lauren closes her eyes and puts her hand on her chest, no doubt feeling her heart race. Mine is going a million miles an hour. I take her hand, gently threading my fingers through hers.
“You can do this. We can, I mean.”
She opens her eyes and looks right into mine, causing my heart to swell in my chest with longing. I want her to look at me like that every day for the rest of our lives.
“Thank you, Noah. For doing this with me.”