“I… I think earlier in the month,” he nods his head, knowing that I’m irregular.
“Do you want me to run out and get a test?” he says gently. He cups my jaw with his large hands as he places a feather-light kiss on my lips. With his thumbs, he circles my cheekbones as he looks at me like I’m made of spun glass.
“I already have one,” I say shyly.
He doesn’t question me, he just nods his head. “Do you think you’d be able to take one now? Or do you want to wait till morning?” he asks.
“I need to take one now.” He nods again and gets out of the bed. The air is chilly, so he grabs clothes from us from the corner of the room. He puts on his sweatpants and a large black hoodie, as well as one of his beanies before coming to the bed.
“Come here, baby,” he says. Pulling up the wool socks on my feet. Once I’m out of my cocoon of blankets, he puts one of his hoodies on top of my clothes. I nearly drown in the garment, but as I sniff the collar, I feel calm wash over me.
I feel like I have to tell him my fears about everything I was thinking about when we stand up and walk to the bathroom. “If I’m pregnant, I’m already fucking this all up, Smith. I drank the other night, I haven’t been taking care of myself. What if that’s how I’ll be as a mom, Smith? Selfish and distant?” I’m full blown sobbing as he wraps me into his arms and pushes me against his chest. A low purr bringing me back to the present.
He soothes me, his large hand rubbing circles on his back. “Baby, you’re going to be the best mom. You don’t have to worry about that. If you are pregnant, you didn’t know and it would be early and the baby would be fine. I’m going to take care of you and we will both take amazing care of this baby. It might not be the right time, but I love you so much. The idea of having a baby with you makes me feel so grateful and honored.”
“You promise?” I say, wiping my face.
He grabs both of my cheeks and kisses me. “I promise.” He kisses me again as he takes my hand and we turn on lights in the en suite. I dig out the CVS bag and dig out the test.
Luckily, there’s no shame or embarrassment between Smith and me at this point. I pull down my plaid pajama bottoms, grab a cup by the sink, and pee in it. Bringing it to the vanity as we open the tests. My heart is beating so fast and I can’t decide if it’s because I want it to be positive, or if I’m terrified of that outcome.
“Where does the pee go?” he asks. I laugh lightly, taking the test from his hand. I dip it in the cup and let it sit on the counter.
“Three minutes. I can’t watch while we wait,” I say.
He pulls me against his chest as he slides against the floor, sitting me on his lap. He sighs. “Is it bad that I want it to be positive?”
I blink up at him. “You do, truly?”
“I do. When is the right time, really? We both want this, right?” He looks at me questioningly like maybe I’ve been an emotional mess because this is something I don’t want.
“I want this, too. I want this with you.” I do, I really fucking do. I’ve been so busy, so dedicated to my career. But the idea of this—of a baby that’s half me and half Smith—is everything. Smith has told me before that I’m Deja Fucking Fox and people need to work around me. He’s not wrong. I could take time off, should take time off.
“So if it’s not positive?” Smith asks.
“If it’s not positive, maybe we start trying,” I ask, raising an eyebrow. Now that the idea has been planted, I kinda can’t imagine if the test isn’t positive. I think I’d be upset.
“Starting tonight?” He grins at me.
“Starting tonight. It’s had to have been enough time,” I say.
We both slowly stand up, and clear as day, bam, the word pregnant screams at me in all caps.
Wow. Pregnant. I guess I don’t need to get my mom anything for Christmas now. I think this will be the gift of a lifetime. At this moment it feels like it is for Smith and me. This will be a Christmas we will never forget—the Christmas we found out that we’re having a child.
I clutch a hand to my flat stomach, conceptualizing that there’s a fetus in me and that I’m having a baby. That it’s just not me I need to worry about, that there’s someone else to consider.
I look up at Smith and watch as tears fill his eyes. He grabs my jaw and kisses me hungrily. “I love you,” he says in between kisses. “You’re good with this. You’re happy?”
The spill of tears down my face must confuse him as I nod my head. “Really happy,” I reply, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I need you.” It’s all I can come up with and it’s true I need him in every sense possible.
His hands grip my ass as he carries me over to the bed and gently places me down. His touch is nearly feather light as he rolls down my bottoms and rips the hoodie over my head, leaving my wool socks on. The cool air makes my flesh pebble. Smith warms me the best he can with his hands, and I sigh at each touch.
He kisses my stomach and I can’t help it when I cry. I guess this is going to be a whole new thing now.
“Baby?” he asks me, and I sob even louder because I don’t know if he is calling me baby or talking about our baby? He crawls up my body, completely clothed, and cups my face. “I’m going to take care of you, my sweet”—he kisses my tears away—“sweet, Omega.”
“Please,” I beg him.