“Oh, Lordy,” said Lenny, shaking his head. “Youhavegot it bad! You are lovesick. You have a fever for her. You really mustn’t let it go any further, Jude. You don’t want to be pining, sick with love for her. Cut it off at the knees, for pity’s sake.”
“I will,” said Jude, his heart sinking. “I promise.”
Lenny gazed at him steadily. “Maybe you should take Sally or one of the other maids to the village dance. There are plenty of pretty girls around here. It would distract you and maybe channel that fever in a direction that is safer.”
Jude considered this. In one sense, it was good advice. His blood was on fire for the lady and if he started courting another girl, it would not only drain the excess desire, but it might also ensure that he leave the lady alone. It would ensure that he wasn’t enticed to find opportunities to be alone with her and give into temptation.
He gritted his teeth, balking at the thought. He couldn’t do it. Not with Sally. Not with any other of the local girls. Even the thought of anyone besides the lady was distasteful to him. No other woman could be a substitute for her.
And besides that, he would be using that woman to slake his desire for another woman. He had never done such a thing in his life, and he would despise himself for it. It would be certain to end badly. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, not even Sally, who he was sure would welcome him with open arms.
At that moment, a footman came and sat down by the fire, breaking the conversation. Jude turned to the man, trying to talk normally. But the effort was too much and after five minutes, he made his excuses, retiring to his room.
On the small, narrow bed he lay down, staring up at the ceiling. It was pitch black; he hadn’t even had the energy or will to light a candle and read, which he usually did before sleep. But he didn’t feel like sleeping, either. His blood was still racing, and he couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss.
He sighed heavily. He would keep his promise to Lenny and leave the lady alone, for both their sakes. But he couldn’t just break this fever he felt for her on command, nor could he channel it in any other direction. It seemed he was just going to have to suffer through it until it broke. Hopefully, it would be sooner rather than later because it reallywastorture. The more so because he must see her constantly.
He sighed again. Hemustdo it. God help him.
Chapter 12
Evelina was tense as she sat down at the breakfast table, unfolding her napkin in silence. Her father had made an effort this morning and was seated at the head of the table, clearly for Richard’s sake. Papa was hit and miss when it came to breakfast. Sometimes he was here, sometimes he wasn’t.
She gazed at her brother, seated across the table. Richard looked a little the worse for wear, with slightly bloodshot eyes and dishevelled hair. She knew that he had sat up with her father for a good while before finally retiring the previous evening because the housekeeper had told her. Evelina smiled grimly. Clearly, the brandy had been flowing and her brother had over imbibed as per usual.
She had made her excuses, saying good night to them, almost as soon as she had entered the house again after her walk in the gardens. There was simply no way she could talk to them after what had happened in those gardens. She had been shaken to the core and needed to be by herself to process the enormity of it.
She had tossed and turned the entire night, still stunned that she had kissed Jude. It had seemed such a natural thing to do at the time, almost the inevitable conclusion to the intimacy between them as they had talked.
And oh, what a kiss it had been.
Evelina tingled all over just thinking about it. Her very first kiss. She had always expected it would be with a gentleman of her social class, not a handsome coachman. She felt a flush of shame wash over her. It was so taboo that it was horrifying. If her father or brother ever found out about it, they would accuse her of being a scarlet woman and pack her off to a nunnery.
They would probably turn a blind eye to a kiss with a proper gentleman so long as no one witnessed it and a scandal wasn’t threatening, but it would be another thing entirely if they knew she had been passionately kissed by a servant.
She felt a band of terror tightening around her head. Theymustn’tfind out. Surely, they wouldn’t. She was fairly certain they had been entirely alone when the kiss had occurred, but how could she know for sure? There could have been someone walking past or skulking around. There were alotof servants at Bosworth Manor. And if any of them had witnessed that illicit embrace, they could tell her father or brother.
A cold wave of fear pulled at her stomach. Yes, they would probably punish her severely, but it would be as nothing to what they would do to Jude. Common men weren’t supposed to touch ladies, nor even think about them in that way.
Tears sprang into her eyes. She didn’t want Jude to be hurt. He was a good man. And she knew he wasn’t a calculating seducer of ladies. The kiss had just happened because of the inexplicable closeness that had sprung up between them. She must protect him. She must make sure that such a thing never happened again, as much as she longed for it. As much as that kiss had been the highlight of her life.
The tension within her rose to an unbearable height. Did either of them know about that illicit embrace? Were they about to accuse her?
But then she relaxed slightly as her brother gazed at her steadily across the table. He didn’t look furiously angry, nor was he staring at her in an accusatory manner. And neither was Papa. She let out a silent sigh of relief. It seemed she might have gotten away with it.
“Has your headache abated, sister?” asked Richard, as he smeared his toast with marmalade.
“Headache?” Evelina blinked slightly, before recalling that was the excuse she had used to retire early the previous evening. “Oh, yes, it is quite gone, thank you.”
Richard nodded. “Good.” He cleared his throat. “Papa and I sat up a little late last night, talking about what can be done about you.”
“Done about me?” Evelina’s voice was full of acid. “Whatever do you mean?”
Richard smiled in a patronising way. “The issue of marrying you off, Evelina. Papa and I are quite of one mind that it must be done sooner rather than later.” He paused. “We are resolved to look for a suitable gentleman as soon as possible.”
Evelina’s jaw dropped. Her head swivelled towards her father, who was staring down at his plate, slicing off the top of his boiled egg with a furious concentration. He didn’t look up.
“Papa,” she said, in a faltering voice. “I do not need help to find a suitable gentleman! Please, you know I want to be with you. You need me. I am fully capable of courting when I feel it is appropriate to do so. I do not need assistance in the matter, regardless of what my brother claims.”