He really needed to concentrate if he didn’t want to frighten her further. Now Lucas was beginning to regret not dressing himself properly before coming downstairs. He felt a little exposed. Hopefully, the dim lighting would hide the fact that his breeches were looking much tighter than they were supposed to.
He finished cutting the bread and then cut some cheese into chunks. Then he paused.
“Would you like me to find some butter? I’m not sure if I saw any around here …”
“Without butter is fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Dorothy managed a small smile.
“I can manage. I’m not someone who needs everything to be just so. Bread and cheese will be fine.”
“Alright.” Lucas pushed the chopping board across the table and came around to Dorothy’s side. “Take what you want. I’ll cut some more if you wish to have another slice.”
Was Dorothy blushing? She averted her gaze and picked up a piece of cheese. Lucas took a slice of bread, needing something to do with his hands. How was he suddenly feeling awkward around her? It felt like they were meeting each other for the first time, in a strange way.
They ate in silence for a moment, Dorothy concentrating on what she was doing. Lucas wanted her to look at him, but she didn’t. She was intent on leaving and returning to her bedchamber as soon as possible.
Which meant he didn’t have much time to talk to her.
“Dorothy …”
Dorothy froze, but Lucas carried on. He had to get this out somehow.
“Look, I … I just wanted to say … I wanted to apologise for how I treated you during our engagement. How it ended after I made such a fuss. I’d like to blame it on youth and being a fool, but that would be a lie.”
“Well, the fool part isn’t,” Dorothy quipped.
“Fair point, I guess.” Lucas shifted on the bench. “I’m trying to say that you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I didn’t want to marry someone I had never met, and I was angry at how my father pushed things without my permission or input.
It was horrible, and I felt like I had no control over anything, not even my own future. I made a big fuss the wholetime because I didn’t like having someone dictate what happened with my life. I didn’t take into consideration how this would affect you as well. I was selfish, and that is not fair.”
Dorothy was staring at him with her mouth open. Lucas wondered if this was the most he had said to her in one go. And he felt the stare of bewilderment almost as arousing as when she was looking at his hands.
He really needed to be careful; otherwise, he would do something stupid.
“I … I don’t think I expected you ever to say that,” she murmured.
“I hope you can understand what I’m saying.” Lucas paused. “And I hope you can forgive me.”
“At least you and I see eye-to-eye on this failed engagement.” Dorothy picked up a piece of cheese and took a small bite. “I was of the same opinion as you – I didn’t want this, and I hated that control over my life. But, as a woman, I had no say in it. I would have to do as I was told, and my opinion wouldn’t matter. I hated it and couldn’t say a word regarding my status.”
“I understand that.”
“So, when I found out you had managed to end the engagement, I was relieved in some ways, annoyed in others. Annoyed because I wasted all my time waiting for this engagement to come to fruition when I could have been looking for someone else to marry. My time was precious, and you messed about with it.”
Lucas winced.
“Ouch. You really know how to strike back, don’t you?”
“Well, how else would you expect me to react? I was reluctant but planning on going through with it when I could have found a potential suitor who actually wanted me.” Dorothy finished her piece of cheese.
“Anyway, the failed engagement has actually helped me in certain ways. I’ve actually been given freedom over looking for a husband. Instead of being told who to interact with and having gentlemen pushed at me, I’m given control over that. I can have the freedom to choose.”
“How did you manage that?”
“I don’t know, but I’m not about to argue with it.” Dorothy sighed. “I just hope I manage to find someone who won’t treat me in such a manner.”