"She can have it back when she's steadier. "
Nell brushed a hand over Mia's hair. "How are you?"
"I'm fine. " The long night's vigil had given her plenty of time to think. To plan.
"I'd hoped I'd get here early enough to give you a hand. Not that you need it. "
She studied the dining room, with its flowers and candles already in place. The window were open wide to summer.
"You can check my fricassee," Mia said as she draped an arm over Nell's shoulders. The gesture, the easy warmth of it, erased any remnants of tension between them.
"From the smell, it's perfect. " When they were in the kitchen, Nell removed the lid while Mia poured two tall glasses of iced tea. "Everything's perfect. "
"Well, the weather's not cooperating. " Restless, Mia moved to the door, pushed open the screen and breathed in the wind. "We'll have rain after sunset. A pity. We won't be able to have coffee in the garden. Still, my morning glories have grown a foot in the last three days. Maybe the rain will tease out the blooms. " r />
She turned back to find Nell staring at her. "What?"
"Oh, Mia, I wish you'd tell me what else is troubling you. I hate seeing you look sad. "
"Do I? I'm not. " She stepped outside, looked up at the sky. "I'd rather a storm than rain. We haven't had enough storms this summer. It's as if they're building up and waiting for one big blow. I want to stand on my cliffs and meet the lightning. "
She reached back, covered Nell's hand. "I'm not sad, just unsettled. What happened to Lulu shook me, on the most primal of levels. And now something inside me is waiting, building, like those storms. I know what I have to do. What I will do, but I can't see what's coming. It's frustrating for me to know, and not to see. "
"Maybe you're looking in the wrong place. Mia, I know what's between you and Sam. I can feel it when I'm within ten feet of you. When I fell in love with Zack and was pulled in all those directions, you were there for me. Why won't you let me do the same for you?"
"I depend on you. "
"To a point. Then you step back over this line, and it's only you who can cross it. And you step over it more often since Sam came back to the Sisters. "
"Then I'd have to say he has upset the balance. "
"Upset your balance," Nell corrected, and waited for Mia to turn. "Are you in love with him?"
"A part of me was born loving him. I closed that part off. I had no choice. "
"And that's the problem, isn't it? The not knowing if you should open it up again or keep it closed. "
"I made a mistake once, and he left. I can't afford to make a mistake again, whether he stays or goes. "
"You don't believe he'll stay. "
"It's not a matter of believing. It's a matter of considering every possibility. If I open myself to him again, completely, what happens if he does go? I can't risk that. Not just for myself, but for all of us. Love isn't a simple thing, you know that. It's not a flower to be picked on a whim. "
"No, it's not a simple thing. But believing you can control it, mold its shape, plot its direction? That you have to do that? That's a mistake. "
"I don't want to love him again. " Her voice, always so smooth, so sure, trembled. "I don't want it. I put those dreams aside. I don't need them now. I'm afraid to take them out again. "
Saying nothing, Nell slipped her arms around Mia, drew her close.
"I'm not who I was when I loved him. "
"Neither of you is. What you feel now matters most. "
"My feelings aren't any clearer than my vision. Before it ends, I'll do whatever needs to be done. " She sighed. "I'm not used to having a shoulder to cry on. "
"The shoulders are there. You're just not used to leaning. "
"Maybe you're right. " She closed her eyes, let herself focus on Nell and the life glowing inside her. "I can see you, little sister," she murmured. "I can see you sitting in an old wooden rocker, in a room soft with candleglow. There's a baby at your breast, and its hair is soft as down and bright as sunlight. When I see you like that, I have such hope. Such courage. "
She drew back, pressed a kiss to Nell's forehead. "Your child will be safe. That I know. " She heard the sound of her front door slamming.
"That would be Ripley," Mia said dryly. "Not only doesn't she bother to knock, but she can't resist slamming a door. I'm going to take a tray up to Lulu. Then I think we'll have drinks and appetizers in the garden, while the weather holds. "
As Mia moved inside to greet her guests, Nell thought how typical it had been. She'd begun by offering comfort, and Mia had ended by giving comfort to her.
"So then this joker says, 'But, Officer, I wasn't stealing the cooler full of beer. I was just moving it. ' "
Ripley forked up more fricassee. "When I pointed out that that didn't explain how come he had Budweiser on his breath and three empty beer cans lying beside him in the sand, he said maybe somebody drank the beer while he was sleeping. I guess somebody poured beer into him, too, because he was half trashed and it was only three in the afternoon. "
"How'd you handle it?" Zack asked her.
"Fined him for drinking in a restricted area, and littering. Cut him a break on lifting the cooler since the guys he'd lifted it from didn't want any hassles. Seeing as they'd had a cooler of beer in a restricted area to begin with. "
"Imagine that. " Sam shook his head. "Drinking beer on the beach. "
"Rules is rules," Ripley stated adamantly.
"Absolutely. None of us ever snuck a six-pack onto the beach. "
"I recall somebody copping a bottle of his father's best scotch. " Zack grinned. "And how he generously shared it with his pals. Who proceeded to get toasted. "
"Speak for yourself. " Ripley wagged her fork. "One pull of that stuff was enough for me. Talk about foul. "
"Such a girl," her brother said.