“You walked away from me angry. I didn’t think you wanted to speak to me.” The silent line was rebuke enough but when she started in, I cringed.
“You know, young lady, in my day we didn’t speak to our parents like that. You show respect to your elders. I raised you to be a better person than that.”
“Mom, seriously? You were really hurtful the last time we spoke. You didn’t even listen to my side of things. Now you want me to pretend that never happened because you heard through the grapevine that I was ill. Did John put you up to this?”
I really didn’t see John Baxter as the type of man who would give a rat’s ass about a woman, let alone one who was not related to him by blood. I just knew no other logical reason why she would call me when we both knew she was so angry with me over the whole Victor thing she could sooner go the rest of her life without air than reconcile with me.
“Now I have to have a man tell me when to be compassionate and call my ailing daughter? Really, Katherine, what has Victor done to you?”
I scream-growled. I could have smacked her. Why did she have to be so infuriating? Bethany’s eyes grew wide, and she mouthed the words “I’m sorry,” then shrugged. I could see her retreating into herself like that time when we were only kids and Mom found out Beth had used her powder to try out putting on makeup. I had been on the receiving end of all of her anger and lecturing because I told Mom it had been me. Bethany did my homework for three weeks to make it up to me, but I’d have done it a million times over just to see Mom so angry her eyes bulged out.
“I have to go, Mom. I need to rest. I’m sick, remember?”
“Well, I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I’d bring a pot of soup over but I’m sure Victor will do just fine at taking care of you.”
There were times in a woman’s life she needed her mother—her wedding day, the first day she got her period, when she had her heart broken for the first time, and when she was pregnant with her first child. I’d known plenty of mother-daughter duos who had great relationships, where mom doted on daughter and lavished her with praise and encouragement. I had always wanted that.
I also knew a few such duos similar to me and my mom. It was heartbreaking to think that my mother’s life had been focused only on herself, on her material possessions and on the way people looked at her—her stature and reputation. I knew it was likely tied to some sort of trauma, which made it easier to understand and stay by her side when she was unbearable, but this time was so hurtful, I didn’t know if we were going to be able to salvage our relationship at all.
“Goodbye, Mom.”
I hung up and shoved the phone in my pocket before the tears started. It took almost nothing for me to cry and I hated it. I hated being pregnant, the hormones and fatigue. I hated the fact that Victor hadn’t even told me what he thought yet. I hated his coworkers for telling him to cut me out. I even hated myself for allowing this to happen. But I didn’t hate him.
I couldn’t.
“I’m so sorry, Kat.” Bethany tugged a few tissues out of the popup box on the coffee table and muted the TV, then turned to me. I took the tissues she offered and dried my eyes, now so sore from being wiped with tissues they felt like they’d bleed any second.
“Of course, it was about Victor. She’s trying to make me feel guilty for not having her take care of me. She thinks he’s here doting on me.”
“Where is he?” Beth curled up and hugged her knees, watching me blow my nose. She rested her chin on her knees.
“Not here.” I shrugged. “He hasn’t called or texted in days.”
“Oh, fuck. You told him?”
I nodded. Of course, I told him. He was the second person I told, right after Bethany. I’d suspected something when my period was late, when my boobs started hurting so bad, and then when I woke up throwing up… I bought the test, then called Bethany.
“What did he say?” She leaned forward, gawking at me. If anyone was worthy of this information, it was my best friend. She alone would understand the way I was feeling. We had been through so much together, and I was convinced we would stay just as close as we were right now for the rest of our lives.
“Honestly, he said nothing. He asked if I was serious, and he left. He had to work. He hasn’t even said a thing.”
I had replayed that conversation in my head a thousand times. The blank stare he gave me, the instant space he’d put between us. I knew what he was thinking. But I hadn’t planned this on purpose. I hadn’t even wanted to get pregnant. I had my entire life ahead of me, a career on the rise, and no means to support a child on my own, not with concerts all over the world scheduled for the next four years out.
But now that this happened, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
“Shit, Kat. Victor isn’t the type of guy who wants a bratty kid running around. He has a massive career and he’s old.” I thought for a moment that she was joking, but she did not so much as chuckle.
“You’re wrong. He wants kids. I know he does. That argument that day when he left us. My mom had refused to agree to having children.” I shook my head and wiped my eyes again. There was no doubt in my mind he would eventually come around. It was just whether he would want me along with the baby.
“So, that was a decade ago. Things change.” She thrust another handful of tissues out toward me, and I took them.
“This thing doesn’t change.” I glared at her, and she held her hands up in surrender. I sure the fuck hoped this thing didn’t change. I didn’t have any desire to be raising this child alone with a check from its father. I wanted the package. I just didn’t want it if he thought I was trying to get his money.
“Okay, well change or not, we have a baby coming and I’m super excited about it. I’m really sorry you’re so sick. And I’m not the dad or anything.” She laughed at her own joke. “But I am your best friend. So, I’ll be here day or night to help you. Starting with now. Let me make you supper, okay?” Beth popped up off the couch and vanished into the kitchen and I heard water running and pots and pans clanging.
My apprehensions were growing larger by the day. I pulled my phone out and sent Victor another text message asking him if he’d like to talk about things yet, then laid it on the table. I wasn’t sure how long was standard to let a guy cool off from such an announcement, but I was really beginning to worry.
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