“Fuck,” I breathe, curling my fingers around one of the basins and hanging my head. My heart pounds, my blood roaring between my ears as I battle with my demons and my need to drag Brianna out of this flat and force the truth out of her.
Fuck it, maybe I should do it right here so everyone can hear what she’s been doing today.
It was good enough for Seb, and I already know that Bri would be up for it. Dirty bitch.
But you don’t want to claim her, a little voice says in the back of my head.
You want to do the opposite.
As I stand there arguing with myself over a woman I both don’t want and can’t have, the heavy bass of the music out in the living room gets louder as the party gets started without me.
Just about sums up my fucking life right now.
I want to be out there. I want to be laughing with my friends, enjoying my life. But it feels wrong. All of it.
Something broke in me that night. It shattered the second of that first explosion, and then it totally fucking ruptured the moment I laid my eyes on my dad, lifeless in the rubble.
It’s an image I can’t get out of my head, and one I equally want to forget but forever remember.
Headfuck doesn’t even begin to cover it.
I have no idea how long I stand there lost inside my own head, but no one comes to check on me, and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that.
I take a piss, and then after washing my hands, I finally risk looking up in the mirror before me.
Sucking in a long, slow breath, I force myself to continue staring into my eyes, seeing the pain, the grief, the desperation.
I give myself ten seconds.
Ten seconds to get my shit together before I head out there and make an effort to celebrate my friends’ and my sister’s birthday.
It’s just one night.
One night. And if I’m really lucky, it will end with an intense one-to-one with Brianna as I force the truth from her lips.
* * *
Iwalk out of that bathroom with my head held high and determination filling my veins.
The second I round the corner, a very familiar voice hits my ears and I can’t help but wince. I’ve totally checked out on her these past couple of weeks. I know it’s wrong—I knew it was wrong—but I couldn’t help it.
“Where’s Nic—”
I continue forward, my sudden appearance cutting Calli off as her eyes find mine.
“Nico,” she cries, rushing toward me as if everything is okay between us.
Guilt floods me at the way I’ve treated her, the way I reacted to discovering her relationship with Daemon.
I freaked out. I know I did. But she’s my little sister. My sweet and innocent little sister.
I’ve spent my entire life trying to protect her from the horrors of the life we’ve been born into, and yet despite all of that, she’s managed to end up fucking the most dangerous and fucked-up one of us.
Her arms wrap around me, the warmth of her body seeping into mine, and it settles something inside me that I wasn’t expecting.
She doesn’t hate me.
She should.