I sighed, long and thoughtful. “Yeah, it is, but I’m scared and not ready. Austin has been pushing me, and he has this full-service gym, and he’s been blocking space for me to run and use the treadmill because you know how it is. And he’s been motivating me to do it.” I laughed, thinking of Austin cheering me on, loud and proud, not caring who was around us.
He didn’t care much what people thought. But when I’d threatened to stop running, he’d said he would turn up the cheeriness and volume, which made me run faster so I could finish the distance.
“He’s so stupid really. He made me list all the things that I’d missed out on since Mom died.” I laughed as I thought about it.
I’d felt sorry for myself then—until he made me sign up for the damn marathon. That seemed like months ago, not mere weeks. His thoughtfulness hit me directly in the chest.
“That smile,” Serena said, breaking me out of a daze.
I immediately wiped the smile from my face. “What smile?”
“TheI’m crushing on himsmile.”
Her words were like a slap in the face.
“I’m not crushing on him,” I said, but as soon as the words fell out of my mouth, it felt a little like a lie because I’d been feeling things lately, things that I couldn’t explain and things that I shouldn’t be feeling.
She simply shook her head. “You don’t lie very well, Syd. It’s one of your worst traits. You need a poker face, especially in business.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, peering through the window to my right. It was snowing again. Lately, it seemed like it was always snowing.
“It wouldn’t be such a bad thing, Sydney.” Her voice was softer this time, gentler.
“What?”
“You and Austin.” She smirked. “I like him for you. He seems to be pushing you out of your self-made bubble.”
I gaped at her. “I don’t live in a bubble.”
She shrugged, unapologetic. “I’m just saying, this isn’t such a bad thing. He complements you well. You haven’t been with anyone since …” Her voice trailed off at the look I gave her.
“You’re one to talk. You’re married to this job. I could lecture you about the importance of dating and falling in love and your aging eggs.” I cringed.
She flinched.
“Sorry,” I said.
Neither of us was getting any younger. But I knew this was a sensitive topic for Serena because her need to be successful in business was equal to her dream of being a mother.
“It’s fine.” But she looked hurt. She walked to the window, watching the snowflakes flutter to the ground.
I joined her and wrapped my arms around her, resting my chin against her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
Being taller than me, she rested her cheek on top of my head and let out a long sigh. “We’ve sacrificed so much, haven’t we? Me with the business. You with the family.” She patted my hand wrapped around her waist.
“I haven’t sacrificed anything,” I argued.
She turned to face me again. “Don’t lie to yourself, Sydney. All I’m saying is, do what makes you happy, all right?” She ducked to get into my line of sight. “Please? For me? And for Mom?”
That turned my whole face red with shame. “I am.” But I wasn’t. Or I hadn’t been. Until Austin.
“And there you go, lying again.” She gave my arm a tight squeeze. “Well, you said you wanted to take a lead on a few prospects. I’ve placed a few of those prospects on your desk. Go ahead and make the introductions. That should make you happy.”
Internally, I squeed, only revealing a small smile. But I wasn’t sure what I was smiling about, whether it was about me being the lead on new deals or the fact that I had Serena’s blessing with Austin.
Good gosh, what is wrong with me?
CHAPTER29